I feel slightly saner today. I have broken blood vessels under my eyes though, not surprising after all the crying. I have powered through 5 stages of grief in two days you know, it’s no wonder I’m exhausted. Epic. Sigh. I think given time to get used to this, I’ll be able to get over it and watch things again with nostalgia of the past. Like reading ‘The Prisoner of Azkaban’ and reminiscing about how it felt to think Sirius would be free for a few glorious pages. CoE I’m not so sure of. Up to episode 2 sure, it was beautifully balanced and had some humour still, but after that it's an emotional death match…I mean this show was my crack fandom. It might have been seen as silly and cheesy, but that was part of the charm really. I adored it so, so much. It made me happy. Because it was flawed, gritty and sometimes deranged. There was something real in it, something that just connected with me. Sigh. But still, I’ve ordered the DVDs and will be watching them with my friends, provided one of them holds my hand while I no doubt cry pathetically. Again. I think that’ll always be a tear-jerker for me. It’s just so, so beautifully done and with my two favourite characters – just tears my heart out. And besides, I still tear up at the Romeo & Juliet death scene, and how many times have I seen that? Some things are bound to haunt you forever.
Anyway. I feel for Gareth. What exactly is he going to do now? He’s always been such a huge part of the fandom, partaking in all the conventions and what have you. In fact, he was the only one to make it to the Torchsong convention in one piece. People were kidding that it was cursed but knowing what we do now, maybe the universe was just a Ianto fan too and made with some mojo. [I’m not saying any of it was deserved (I’m not completely unhinged), I’m just kidding. And this is a science fiction fandom, I can believe whatever I want.] Also, they’ve been sitting on this for months so that must have hampered his job-seeking. This climate isn’t too great for that sort of thing as it is. The fandom’s really going to miss him. I read somewhere he’d love to do season 4…um yeah, but how? Torchwood: Beyond the Grave? Or perhaps something like in Stardust, with the dead princes hanging around! That would be hilarious!
See, I’m regaining my sense of humour on the matter. Clearly the healing has begun. I’ve also made t-shirts. That helps. Currently I’m compiling a playlist, which I shall post later – this is just how I do things.
Now, I think I may take Oreo for a contemplative stroll in the rain. With coffee, never forget the coffee.
These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume...
P.S. I think it's completely and utterly hilarious that there is a 'Save Ianto' group that is sending coffee to the BBC. I kid you not.
Music: Easy, lucky, free - Bright Eyes
Mood: Contemplative
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