Sing, oh January

A whole month has passed since my arrival back in the UK and look, not a single emotional breakdown. Everything’s coming up Millhouse! Much has happened, however. The January blues well and truly blanketed the city, but nonetheless there is plenty to keep you busy. And keeping busy is key.

Most of the month was dominated by talk of a work trip to Frankfurt – I originally wasn’t meant to go, having just (rather sheepishly) returned, but was invited along at the last minute. Well, really, it was just a trip to Frankfurt airport (oh Frankfurt airport, how do I loathe thee, let me count the ways…) but hey, day off work, it’s all cool. Unfortunately, I had a horrendous wine hangover the day we flew out and proceeded to sleep through most of the presentations (that bit is actually not so unfortunate, they were very long-winded), but the festivities that evening made up for the suffering. It was a really fun time, even though it took approximately a week to recover from the lack of sleep and, what I liked to call, Frankfurt Flu. That was also the week of the snow. People freaked out. I was insanely gleeful. I can’t help it.

I don’t think the novelty of it will ever really wear off for me. And hey, it sets the perfect scene when I walk to/from work, listening to Bon Iver, breath puffing in the air. It’s actually all sorts of lovely. Even if it is freezing. And slippery. I was contemplating taking bets for how long it would take me to fall over but it didn’t really stick around very long and I somehow managed to remain upright. Somehow.

The only other major event was Australia Day, where I was the token Aussie in a group consisting of a South African, New Zealander and Americans. At least having a Kiwi in attendance meant that there were two of us to enthusiastically hound DJs all night to play John Farnham’s ‘The Voice.’ Cause it’s Australia Day, mate. It ended up being a very lively evening, even if it did lead us to the Walkabout. Still, was lots of fun. I shouldn’t be allowed on dance floors.

With things being otherwise quite sedate, I spent most of my free time on Abbi’s couch, indulging in all sorts of bad television/film choices. The most horrendous of the lot would have to be This Means War and Footloose, which we sadly watched on the same day. How can we endure such horror in such concentrated doses? You can read Ab’s reviews here. And when I'm actually home, and my lovely flatmate is in, I've been discovering why Wil Wheaton insists there's no such thing as too many dice.

Oh! I finally, finally, finished A Dance With Dragons. This is why we can’t have nice things! !! !!! See, it took me so long to finish cause I had to keep stopping when I became too enraged to continue. And now I’m caught up and have to wait with the other people! This is outrageous! I want closure! And happy Starks. Can’t we have happy Starks? *weeps*

But I digress.

I started watching Breaking Bad (so uber stressful) and Community (really enjoy it, but struggling to get into the second season.) I feel like I watch too much stuff. I need to cut back. Write more. Still, I haven’t seen any of the films that came out this month cause I am too flat broke, boo. I’ve never been this desperate for pay day in my life. Only two more days! There may be hope yet.

 Music: January Hymn - The Decemberists

Built of living light

I realised today that I haven’t even been home a month yet. It feels so much longer. And I know that makes what I’m now going to say sound completely nuts but, well, I’ve decided to go back to London.

For weeks before I left I was wavering over whether or not coming home was the right move for me – I had panic attacks, the whole lot. Even the day before I got on the plane, I still wasn’t sold. But I missed summer, and my family, my friends, and my dog – so I told myself it’d be fine. It was an amazing career opportunity and I couldn’t just turn it down because I was having a good time…so I left.

The problem is, no matter how great an opportunity it is, I cannot for a moment say that I find any satisfaction in the job. I’ve been desperately unhappy. And it’s not just the relentless stress of editorial work – I’ve actually managed to get a decent hand on the work involved in being an editor – it’s just the whole culture of the industry. I know what this type of work involves, I’ve done it before and I was utterly miserable. I don’t know why I thought it would be different this time, but I’d hoped. Sadly, it wasn’t the case though. I’ve already been working extra hours, getting in at 8am, taking work home with me, working through lunch. And you know what? I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be stressed all the time, and work extra hours and constantly be pushed beyond my limit. I don’t want to wake up in the mornings dreading the day, and spend every moment counting down to a moment when I can escape. I don't want to live like this if I don’t have to.

Surely there comes a point where you have to ask yourself if an opportunity is worth what it will cost you. And then suddenly I heard there was a position going on the team I worked for in London and my first thought was ‘oh thank god, I can go back.’ Thankfully, it turned out that they’d have me back. It all happened over two days, which I know seems very quick, but I did put a lot of thought into it. I canvassed opinion. I was afraid I was being crazy. But my instincts told me to do it, and so I did. After all, my visa will only last one more year. If I don’t do it now, I won’t have the opportunity again.

I must admit that I’ve been surprised by the response I’ve gotten. Most people actually seem to think I’m doing the right thing…I just assumed people would think I’m nuts, but hey. Apparently some people even think it’s a very mature thing to do. What. Even. The worst prospect was telling my team and handing in my notice. I thought for sure I’d be run out of town after putting them through this – but everyone has been so incredibly accommodating.

The thing is, I made a mistake. It’s as simple as that. I wasn’t ready to come home. I wasn’t ready to take on a job that would cost me my life, not when I had just started to finally have one. I love Sydney, obviously, and I love my friends and family, but I just need to do this.

This morning as I left for work my dad said to me that I was so much happier now that I’d decided to go back. And it’s true. After I handed in my notice, it was like a weight had been lifted from me and everything just made sense again. As dad pointed out, I will have to come back eventually. But by then, hopefully, I’ll be ready.

Music: The house that heaven built - Japandroids

Things we used to rely on

Blogging at work as I've already fallen back into my old habit of procrastination. Writing is such a strange thing to do for a job. For me it's always been arbitrary and I struggle having to do it because, well, I have to.

First week isn't going too horribly though. Panic is starting to set in over the sheer amount of work I'm going to have to get my head around very quickly. I don't even know where to start so I don't want to start at all. But if I have any hope of getting on top of things, I need to finish writing this intro and three interviews today, and then we can worry about this whole editor nonsense.

Can't believe I'm back to this. Everything feels weird. Twilight Zone-y. All the same, yet subtly different. Just enough to be unsettling. I am baffled by what a timid creature I was when I first started here, nearly three  years ago. And I'm absolutely refusing to become the run down, stressed out, desperately unhappy person I was when I left.

I don't know. Everything feels strange at the moment. Transitional period, I suppose. While I'm finding my feet on a professional level, I'm dissatisfied on a personal one where I'm still not entirely sure coming back was the right move for me. But that's life, I guess. What can you do.

In the meantime, I'll just listen to lots of loud music and get on with it.

Did you sleep last night and do you remember dreams?
Do I ever cross your mind and do you ever think of me?
When you think about your life are there things you would reverse?
I still remember holding you, just out of sight of her
In the deep, dark parking lot pressed up against my car
With your hands around my neck I felt the pounding of your heart
And the summer night was giving in to the lure of autumn’s sway
I can’t seem to forget that night or how I heard you say

That I’d just die if you ever took your love away
Oh and I'd just die if you ever took your love away
Would you miss me if I was gone and all the simple things were lost?
Would you ever wait on me to say
Oh that I’d just die if you ever took your love away

Music: Mulholland Drive - The Gaslight Anthem

Now you're just some blog that I used to know

I am a terrible blogger. Thing is, I just can't be bothered turning on my laptop when I get home after work and I'm usually out at lunch so, you know, nothing gets done.

But! I've done stuff. A couple of weeks ago I went to Scotland for a few days - first, to explore the Scottish Highlands and then to hang about Edinburgh. I had such a lovely time and I have to admit that by the time I had to get on the train back to London, I was feeling quite bereft. Everyone in Edinburgh was just so nice and the place is beautiful, I can completely understand why Lizzie wanted to live there!

Isle of Skye - so breathtaking.

Then last week, we went to a taping of the Jonathan Ross show and I finally managed to get into the Olympic Park as I went to see the 7-a-side football with Abbi and her lovely mother-in-law. If ever there was a summer to be in London, this was it - the weather might have been shit for the most part but all the Olympic and Paralympic spirit was epic. Luckily the aforementioned shit weather stayed away for our event, and we even managed to get sunburned. Considering that a lot of the Olympic Park will be re-purposed and re-developed, I'm glad I got a chance to see the place and be part of such a wonderful event.

Woo! Sport!

That weekend I also went to visit some of mum's family in Reading. In typical me style, I nearly went on the wrong day but then since I was up early on Saturday anyway, I headed out to the South Bank to see what was going on. Turns out a lot. The Thames Festival was happening and with it being the last weekend of the Paralympics, the place was packed. Many athletes were out enjoying the festivities, along with what felt like every tourist in London. I do love the South Bank though, for some reason I am the happiest here when I'm near the river. I made the most of the lovely day and completed the Red and Blue Mascot Strolls while I was out.

A sunny day in London town.

This week was reserved for movie watching with Abbi. We saw Anna Karenina (booooooring! Stylistically it's quite interesting, but the story remains dull and it felt about 20 hours long), The Imposter (a strange, thought-provoking doco) and Lawless (so good, so very, very good - brilliant on all levels, best film of the year to date.)

I actually want to see it again.

And then Friday, I was reminded that I currently work in what is arguably one of the most fun offices ever. We had an extra long lunch, complete with free drinks, and our usual Friday afternoon Wine Club was enhanced by the quite random introduction of a 90s board game called Dream Phone. Hilarity ensued...not that I think we ever actually figured out how to play properly. Following this, a bunch of us decided to continue the festivities elsewhere well into the evening. Fun times.

Wine Dream Cheese Phone Club

Apparently I've been lacking in sleep though because today I only woke up at 12.30. Insanity, I know. But it's the first time in five days I haven't woken up with a headache. Definite plus. Now I'm waiting for the new episode of Downton Abbey to start. That's a pro of living here, no waiting for your tv shows. I've been watching Doctor Who as it airs each week - unheard of!

Music: The Big Bang Theory

Every vessel pitching hard to starboard

I was having weird stomach pains pretty much all day today. I suspect this might be my body’s way of telling me that Heineken, a kitkat, an aero and donuts are not a suitable weekend diet. So I had to suck it up and make a proper meal this eve - and by proper I mean fry up the last of my potatoes in an attempt to recreate the surprisingly delicious potato meal from two weeks ago. It worked too, the were golden and crispy and nommish.

But I was again struck by the fact that, except for the times when Abbi feeds me, I pretty much live entirely off bread, cheese, pasta and potatoes. I am, for all intents and purposes, eating like Martin Crieff.

I can't afford to go out, to buy nice food - I live on toast and pasta - sometimes, for a treat, I have a baked potato!

This is my life. I am more of a student now than I ever was when I actually was a student. I'd like to think it's character building. And good practice for next year when I will be student again, without the benefit of living at home. If I get in, of course, which is highly unlikely if I don't start doing some research instead of just sitting around in the evenings, watching movies.

But this chair is so uncomfortable. Moan.

Anyway. Tomorrow I have a full day of induction, it'll probably involve some sort of hideous team building exercises. Joy. But on one hand, it's good that I'll be away since I've finished all my assigned work and nothing else has come in that they can give me. Oh, the curse of being too efficient.

I need to find a place I can loiter during lunch that is a) not at my desk, and b) not somewhere I have to buy something. I suspect this will prove tricky. I kind of miss the library I used to frequent back in north London - so convenient!

In other news, last week of the month means I am completely and utterly broke. Hate this monthly pay business with a fiery passion. I just hope my old job don't forget to pay me otherwise I will be completely screwed *crosses fingers* Can't wait for the end of the month - pay which means food and new things, bigger room, and tax refund time back home. All positives!

Oh, hey, spoke to the parental unit last night and discovered that they were embarking on a road trip with my aunt and uncle, driving all the way to Cape Town. 'Driving?' I exclaimed, in horror. 'Jesus. Why?' Cue manic laughter from the other end of the phone. Now, I know lots of people who have driven to Cape Town. I personally have never done it - coming from the aviation-privileged life that I do - can't say I've ever really wanted to either. But whatever. Their plan is to do it over three days (I suppose 1,603km isn't so bad divided) I'm envisioning some sort of Darjeeling Limited family quest of sorts. It's giving me novel ideas.

Actually, I just spoke to them and they are here now -

The Three Sisters. 1,066 km from where they started. In one day. So much for taking it easy and stopping along the way. Although knowing them, it was all probably achieved by excessive speeding (speeding runs in the family, we are terrible. In SA, pretty much all of my dad's side consider a good average to be 160km/h on highways. I think my dad once drove us to the coast in four and a half hours, a 630km journey which according to google should take 7-8 hours.)

Now they have to drive through the Karoo -

Which should be... different. I am sort of jealous, except for that bit where I'm terrified of deserts. Not desserts, for they are delicious. (Haha, I'm so witty. No? Oh. Okay.) Anyway. I'm quite interested to see how this little adventure pans out. They're having another ceremony for my granddad in the Cape and scattering the ashes. It's very appropriate since it's the place he was always the happiest and where he always wanted to go back to, but couldn't. So that should be special. Will see, I suppose.

Anyway. I suppose I have procrastinated as much as I can on this blog. Time to write something...

(This chair really is uncomfortable though. Severe back pain. Gah.)

Music: Don't carry it all - The Decemberists

Dreaming what I'm thinking

Stop press! Summer has come to London, for one week only! Step right up and make the most of it while you can.

Well okay, maybe I am being a tad dramatic...anyway, who knows if the promised week of good weather will even happen (previous experience favours answers in the negative), but today was actually nice and sunny, with the forecast predicting at least five days of much the same early to mid-twenty temps. Not hot exactly, but a definite improvement over the 12 degrees of last week.

Funnily enough, London is an entirely different place when the weather's nice. People seem to undergo some sort of Jekyll and Hyde transformation, where under the sun's watchful gaze they suddenly turn compliant and friendly. Even the giant clusterfuck that was the state of Waterloo this eve could not dampen their spirits.

Being entirely in love with summer, I of course joined in almost instantly. Despite my co-workers all carrying on about how hot it was this morning (I still had my scarf with me and the heater on, so you know, we're just going to have to agree to disagree on what actually constitutes hot. For future reference, it's anything over 30.) I spent lunch sitting in the local park with one of the guys which obviously ruined productivity for the rest of the day as only sitting in the sun can. Then one of the managers had the bright idea to go for an ice-cream run - cue the entire office devouring ice-cream cones and grinning like a bunch of school kids getting an early mark. Absolute insanity. But quite fun, so I'm not complaining.

In other news, I'm terribly homesick at the moment. The sunshine has gone some way to mitigate that, but still. Mope. At least there are things to look forward to, such as the weekly Game of Thrones eve with Abbi and Paul, and a friend from my writer's group back home is in town this weekend so we're going to hang out and fangirl like there's no tomorrow. And next month, another friend from home is over for a couple of days. I've seen so many people since I've been here. Crazy small world is crazy.

Currently trying to decide if I can be bothered making dinner. I don't think I can, but I do sort of need to eat. So cheese toast? Followed by Homeland? I've heard good things about it (well, Damien Lewis, how can it be bad?) so I got the first couple of eps and I suppose now that I've finished The Hour (amazingly, awesome, brilliant show - love) and Downton Abbey (needs more Sybil/Branson, come on), it's as good a time to start as any.

Right then. Plan. Food. Go. Here's hoping my house mate has actually washed his dishes tonight...


Music: She's a rebel - Green Day

Up and over it and over them

There are a couple of things I find oddly satisfying about living in London. Silly things, like when people ask for tippex or sellotape. I can revert back to those terms again! I don’t know, it amuses me. Oh, and being able to elongate my a’s without someone looking at me funny.

Life trudges along merrily. I had a rather eventful bank holiday weekend as M and A were in town, time for some Extreme Tourism™ For those unfamiliar with this craze, it means cramming as many touristy things into a single day as humanly possible. I think we did very well.

Having arrived on Thursday morning, the poor things made the critical mistake of taking an afternoon nap – naturally they were in a rather zombified state when I met them for dinner that night. They were very upbeat and positive though, boding well for their first trip to Europe. I’m very impressed by how much they managed to do despite the jet lag – definite A for effort!

I took them shopping late on Saturday and then it was off to the West End for The Lion King. Thankfully the rain managed to stay away on Sunday and it was actually kind of pleasant for us to walk everywhere and see all the things! Well ok, maybe not all, but we did the major tourist sites at least. I was quite sad to wave goodbye to them that evening, it was so much fun to share in their first-time London joy. I’ll probably do a post about it all on Winchester Chronicles, and I’ve also asked M to guest blog about her time. Keep an eye out.

In other news…there is no news. Work is uneventful, if mundane. Been a bit busy the last week or so doing canvassing which, in my humble opinion, is the biggest waste of time ever. I just don’t see how it could possibly be an effective marketing technique – who even reads these letters? I know I never do when we get them at home. It goes straight in the recycling. Pointless. It’s almost as annoying as people who call in when they get a missed call and expect me to know who rang them and why. I loathe that. Why do people do it? Just. No.

Anywhoodle, I think I’ve settled in well here though, everyone is friendly and it’s a nice enough environment to work in most of the time. There’s only one person I have a genuine dislike for in the office (the majority are likeable and the rest I’m indifferent to). She is one of the managers although her job mainly appears to be wandering around outside and dodging her clients. I have never known her to return a call, and actually, it’s very rare for her to even take a call (which I have the privilege of screening.) There’s a fine line between being busy and being a rude and she is on the wrong side of it. I have no patience for it.

What else can I report on? There was a hyper guy outside the office yesterday, carrying on about Paul McCartney. At first I was perplexed and vaguely concerned for his sanity, but then I had to head down the road and realised he was raving because Paul McCartney was actually there. I think it’s safe to say he’s a big fan. Such is life in the Wood. (My main observation about this area is a) it’s overrun by Americans and b) it’s in some sort of vortex because you’re always greeted by a sub-arctic blast at least five degrees lower than anywhere else when you exit the station.)

Had a lovely dinner and Game of Thrones viewing sesh at Chez Osbiston last night. Always fun. Speaking of, if you love your retro-vintage gear, check out ra ra Retro. The shop will launch in June and you’re bound to find some real gems.

Other than that, I have so much writing to do. Starting with my thesis proposal cause I really need to get everything sorted and applying for admission/scholarships/what have you. I also have an article due at the end of June and I’ll have another one to do next week - off on assignment to the London Sevens this weekend. So thrilled, I can’t even tell you. Then of course I do still have my own writing to get on with. I need to stop making excuses. It’s a serious problem. I truly am my own worst enemy.

Well, I better get back to work…or pretending to do work rather, the printer is el broken so no canvassing can be done and I’ve already done all my other work. Efficiency, thy name is Jen. Yesterday I spent most of the day planning future trips and trying to see how far I can get on my meagre, non-existent budget. I can’t believe that I have the travel bug again when I’ve scarcely been back for a month…and technically I’m still travelling anyway! I have issues.

Right, work. Shutting up.

Music: Hell - Tegan and Sara

London Calling

Ugh. I don’t understand how people deal with this weather. I really don’t.

Yes, blog, I am alive and relatively well in London town. Almost been back a month, you’d think I could get my act together long enough to start blogging again. But in my defence it’s been a manic blur of boring admin stuff – updating CVs, writing cover letters, applying for jobs and attending interviews. Not to mention the absolutely mundane necessity of trying to organise a bank account and national insurance number. Oh, and room hunting. Doesn’t exactly make for thrilling blogging.

Nonetheless, it’s all necessary in the elusive quest for employment which I thankfully didn't have to brave for long. Very lucky there. I’ve been working as a receptionist (dear god, I forgot how boring it is) at a real estate company for the last two weeks. It was the first one I interviewed for and while I also went for a couple of other interviews, I decided to take it when they offered it. Considering that I’m absolutely flat broke, I didn’t think I could really afford to be fussy. This is what backpacking gets you – broke.

Anyway, it’s not too bad. The people are quite nice and the job is hardly a challenge. I should have a fair bit of time on my hands to do some writing at the very least. Today is the first day they’ve trusted me enough to let me work by myself – thus far, the outgoing receptionists has been ‘training’ me. This mostly seemed to involve her showing me a couple of things and then shopping online for various car related things. It’s been riveting stuff. I’m so glad to be on my own now, I was starting to go a bit mad. No receptionist needs to be trained for two weeks, it’s absolutely insanity. I’m not building a nuclear missile here, I’m answering phones and sending emails. After the absolute mayhem of publishing, this is a nursing home. Honestly *shakes head*

Other than that, I haven’t been up to much. Since my room isn’t available until May, I’ve been staying at F’s place which has led to a wonderfully surreal commute to work. It’s really quite cool to walk past the Houses of Parliament every day. I’m going to miss it. Even if I do get quite terrible tourist rage – look, when I’m grumpily marching towards the tube, it’s hard to summon the patience to navigate groups of loud, camera-wielding tourists clogging up the sidewalk. What else have I been up to? Let’s see…oh, attended the London Marathon with Abbi, Paul and Paul’s lovely family; watched a whole lot of random television; started a Dwarf Fortress quest and I’m still alive mwhahahaha (thanks to expert guidance, it must be said); finished A Storm of Swords (oh dear god, why, why did I ever get into this, my soul hurts) and Mockingjay (meh comes to mind) and…um, I think that’s about it.

As always, I have heaps to do. I need to write an article for one of my old mags (yay, commissions!) and I also need to write a PhD proposal since I want to start applying. I sent of requests for references to four of my favourite tutors and two immediately emailed me back to volunteer. It’s silly but it did sort of give me the warm and fuzzies for a bit – I really respect these people and it’s nice to think that they actually remember me, let alone will write a reference. I’m actually really excited about getting this PhD thing going. I think it’s time I just admitted it – university is where I belong. Lecturing is probably my future. We’ll see I guess.

I’m going to apply to the University of Otago for study next year. They’re my current favourite and I’m constantly overwhelmed by missing NZ. Which is weird, but hey. There’s no way in hell I could afford to study over here, and it’s probably too far from home if I’m honest. I don’t think I can ever actually live here with any sort of permanence…the weather alone would drive me round the bend.

Better find something work-related to do for a bit. Further updates as events warrant (and further updates forthcoming at the ol travel blog at some point in the near future as well.)

Music: Phones ringing everywhere

Catching Up

From here

Hello dear blog and a very happy holidays to the interwebz at large. Hope everyone enjoyed it. As you can see, I'm aliiiive! And still in love with XMFC. Good times!

I have been endlessly busy for the last 12 weeks, hardly a moment to even catch my breath. It's been insane. And now suddenly I have less than a week to go before I set off into the big bad world for the trip! How did this happen??  But we'll get to that. First we have to pause for a bit of a retrospective so I can catch up on everything that's been missed. And it's quite a lot.

Firstly, the birthday. Since my last post I have entered the dangerous, uncharted waters of 24. Oh, the horror. To say I was unenthused by the prospect is a bit of an understatement. I'm sorry, but 24? When and how did that happen? Shudder. Despite of my lack of enthusiasm at the approach of the mid-twenties, my friends all came over to help me celebrate. There was a barbecue, cake, a predisposition to rum and watching of the first season of The OC.  It was brilliant. Had an absolute blast and I was glad everyone came over to hang out. My friends are awesome. Don't ever doubt it.

Then there was the Elf job. I spent every weekend helping Santa scare small children. It's a noble occupation. Seriously though, it was actually rather fun. I think the season is just long enough so you don't get sick of it. I was a bit over it by the end, but I suppose that's to be expected. Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to do that again when I get back next year - the manager said she'd be offering it to us all first. I did learn a lot about name preferences during this little adventure. The most common names for boys are Lachlan (at least 1 in every 3 is called that), Ethan, Harrison and Riley. There's slightly more diversity with girls but most common is definitely Georgia and Ashley, with Emma, Emily and Olivia also very popular. Spelling for girls names is way crazier though - thinks like Jorja, which just baffles me. If it was just one, fine. But there were quite a few. So bizarre.

Of course, there was Christmas. Ours was a pretty laid-back affair. Just hanging with the family. As is now tradition, our family friends came over on Christmas eve and we had a fondue, followed by walking around the neighbourhood inspect the Christmas lights. The new neighbourhood is pretty good with this and our street in particular put on a good show. The neighbours all have so many lights. Dad is slightly disappointed as we didn't get any new ones this year, but we still put in a good effort. I had many nice presents, including the socks I've been asking for. I need socks, and I don't like buying them for myself. I also got some trip related stuff from the parents, including a sleeping bag liner. Yay, no touching hostel sheets for me! Yes, I'm crazy, what of it? Lots of lovely, and useful, stuff from everyone really. Oh, mum also got me the Harry Potter boxset. So pleased! I've spent years refusing to buy the DVDs, knowing that when the last one came out there'd be some special set. I watched the first one on Christmas day but it doesn't look like I'll manage to get round to the others. Sigh. On boxing day, I spent the morning with the 'rents and in the afternoon, I took the family friend's daughter to see Arthur Christmas. So cute! Very happy I got to see at least one movie I wanted to see before I leave. Why are there so many awesome ones coming out now? I'm missing them all! Bah.

Since my last blog, I have also sold my car. Oh Jack, we had some times. It was actually really sad for me. He was my first car after all, and I've had him for 7 years. Watching someone else drive off with him was not a nice experience. But at least I didn't have to give him to the scrap yard. That would have been worse, I think. They wanted to give me a pitiful amount for him and I just refused. In the end, I got almost triple what they offered me. Still not nearly as much as I though he was worth but I couldn't be particularly fussy, especially since my rego expired the weekend I first put him up for sale. Cutting it a leeeeettle close. But hey, what's done is done.

Obviously, I've also finished up at the magazine company. Last Wednesday was my last day. It was a relief really, but I also had to struggle with my inner control freak as I just wanted to jump in and take over everything my replacement was doing. She's so slooooow. But hopefully she will learn. That job is not for the faint-hearted. And hopefully it will make her less miserable that it made me. It's also a bit sad though cause my editorial team is so nice. Just really great people that I get on with really well. I never had any problems with them, just the company and the actual job. C'est la vie. We had a team Christmas party at the stylist's house and it was lovely to hang out with them beyond the work scene. I will definitely keep in touch and it's nice to know I've made friends in the industry. Even if I don't particularly think I'll ever go back into that industry. My last few weeks at work were actually pretty fun as I volunteered myself to assist on photography location shoots. This is pretty much just visiting houses in the country and shooting quilts, but it was interesting. Definitely nice to get out of the office and see what else happens in the process of putting a mag together. I've hopefully lined up a couple of freelance jobs while I'm away too, so with a little luck I won't be completely income-less.

So current status: no job, no car, no real obligations other than getting on a plane in, oh, two days. I'm not going to lie to you, it's sort of terrifying. But a blog about all that will be forthcoming. I've at least managed to spend a day with Lizzie, who valiantly helped me try on a bazillion pairs of vintage shoes for Abbi's wedding. We attended the Neil Gaiman reading at The Factory Theatre, which was awesome and creepy (the stories, not Neil), even if it did run quite late. I also had a lovely dinner with Em, R and M last night. Seems so weird to think I won't see them again for months. Or weeks in R's case, which isn't so bad. I don't like to dwell on the fact, or on the fact that I won't see my parents or Oreo for months, because I get this really weird sensation in my chest and it's not fun. But again, blog about that forthcoming. Hopefully.

I'm currently in the process of trying not to stress about all the things I haven't done and putting a quilt together. Well not really a quilt, more a wallhanging. My editorial team all got me fabric and stuff for my birthday after I was admiring this quilt in the office. Of course I have never done anything fabric-related before so my ex-deputy editor invited me over yesterday to show me how it all worked. To my surprise, I really enjoyed it. Plus, since they actually bought everything for me I feel extra motivated to at least attempt making it. Sort of owe it to them, you know? I have to get all the blocks together so I can do the stitching while I'm overseas. Hey look, I have a lot of flights and long train rides in my future. I have to entertain myself somehow.

Anyway. That's enough for now. I need to iron some fabric and make an attempt at packing stuff. Groan. I really hope to get some more blogs done before I leave but I'm not very optimistic. At the rate things are travelling, I'm lucky if I have time to breathe.

Music: Shake it out - Florence & The Machine

Weekend's worth of thoughts

Out of all my pet peeves, I think the thing I hate the most is being copied. It makes me irately annoyed. But it’s also funny because Em knows how much I loathe it and she always starts laughing in a knowing sort of way whenever it happens and that, in turn, gets me laughing. It’s probably a more healthy response. So thanks for that Em, you’re probably doing wonders for my blood pressure!

On the opposite end of the mood scale, pure euphoria last night with the All Blacks through to the final. Woo! I was almost too nervous to watch the game, I just couldn’t bear the thought of it all going horribly wrong – especially against Australia. I was majorly stressed for most of it, but luckily everything held together. We have to win this thing. Not only because we deserve it, but also for Dan. Ugh, my heart breaks for the guy. If I feel utterly devastated, I can't imagine how he feels. So anyway. I am so excited for the final. It really should have been against Wales though. France has been playing terribly all tournament, it’s pure luck that they’ve made it this far. Ah well.

In other news, applying for my visa tonight. Eee! And probably buying tickets and booking accommodation this week. I’ve just this moment sent off a message to my cousin with dates so if he can put me up, I’ll be off to Botswana at the end of December. I am hoping it works out, I am dying for a safari. I can’t believe how soon it all is – it feels both insanely real and somehow intangible. I’m itching to set off and at the same time, I’m already missing everyone and everything. My puppy mostly, I’m constantly randomly attacking her with cuddles much to her confusion.

She’s very unsettled at the moment cause mum and I started packing on the weekend. She sits and watches me with this look that says ‘There is mischief afoot!’ And then she’s poking her nose in boxes and titling her head in a way to clearly asks ‘What witchcraft is this?’ But seriously, she’s not keen on all this packing activity. She probably thinks we’re going on holiday without her again.

Ugh. Packing. Slow and arduous. We did most of the study on Sunday. Books! So many books! I did throw out about three bags worth of stuff and have another bag to donate (not books, we don’t throw out books in my household) but there’s still so much! How does one accumulate so much crap and fit it all in tiny rooms? Sigh. We’ll probably start the kitchen tonight. Double sigh. I’m already covered in bruises and we haven’t even started the actual moving yet. Bodes well.

Can't stop yawning. I was up at 5.30 this morning, a time reserved for those in the first circle of hell. I have so much work to do, I figured I’d come in early but even though I left home way earlier than normal, I still got to work at the time I usually do. WHAT. Why dost thou mock me, traffic?

Speaking of work and its quantities, better get back to it. Can’t even think about how many profiles I need to write or I’ll be paralysed with apprehension.

Music: American Slang - The Gaslight Anthem

Lessons I never learned

I'm working from home today. I really wish I could do this all the time - it's just gone 11am and I've already written 1200 words of editorial. More productive than I ever am at work. I think this is mostly because I just don't work well in "monitored" situations. Like at school - I never wrote essays in class. My brain doesn't respond well to being told "you will write now" or something. I don't know.

Another plus is that I am on a computer that actually works. Imagine that! I was nearly in tears of frustration yesterday afternoon when my computer restarted for the third time, yet again corrupting the word doc I was working on, meaning I had to re-write an article for the fourth time. I had plans to work late to catch up on everything, but in the end I just came home and did it here. Much less painful.

I still have a frightening amount of work to do today though. I need to write 15 half page profiles (a total of 3,750 words) as well as another full page article. Then tomorrow, I have to catch up on all my SB editorials (2,500 words). Le sigh.

Another pro to working from home though - unlimited access to chocolate and proper coffee. Let productivity commence!

Music: Time turned fragile - Motion City Soundtrack

The hoper of far-flung hopes

I'm applying for a job with Lonely Planet. It's almost pathetic how much I want it.

In other news, I miss New Zealand.

Music: Gorecki - Lamb

Held in some dreaming state

I am the very picture of annoyance at the moment. I have no patience so I may snap at you should you dare to ask me anything. Be warned.

Firstly, we seem to be waging an endless war against our company. I’d prefer it if they just shut the stupid magazine down, instead of trying to cut corners everywhere. We’re a high quality mag and I’d rather have it die now, respected as it is, rather than see it run into the ground. I’m kinda hoping they shut down the SB mag soon, I’m so sick of it.

Magazine publishing, man. It’s a fucked up industry. I still entertain vague notions of having my own mag though – considering the state of publishing, it’d have to be online only. Any designers willing to volunteer their time and goodwill to hook us up with a platform? I’ve got enough writers to commission – by commission, I of course mean work for free. Until it starts turning over some revenue at least.

Anyway, ridiculous ideas aside, gaaaaaaaaaaah. Everything has yet again gone to hell. My cousin sent out Save The Dates yesterday for his wedding on the 12th of November. Couldn’t wait a month, or even two, oh no. Couldn’t help out his dearest cousin there /Sam-like self-entitlement

I’m trying so hard to avoid continually flying up and down but I feel like I'm thwarted at every turn. First I put off going overseas cause I didn’t want to have to go Sydney-London-JHB-London within three months of each other. Don’t get me wrong, I love flying, that isn’t the problem at all. The amount of funds it burns on the other hand…slight issue there. Instead I decided to wait until after Abbi’s wedding so I could just go straight Sydney-JHB-London. Good plan, no? Ha. Ha ha ha. Sigh.

Now I’m stuck yet again. I want to go to his wedding but if I do, I have to return less than two months later. I had plans to fly in on Christmas Day (it is so the best day to fly) so I could spend it with my grandmother and everyone before the wedding shenanigans in January. So yes, we’re talking a matter of weeks here. Also, this poses a problem with my leave as I don’t have any, and it’s stupid taking time off work, going back for two weeks and then quitting. PLUS there’s the money issue, dear lord, don’t get me started. I’m trying to get a second job but unless that happens within the next month, it’s not going to be much help either.

Anyway. Back on point. My other option was then to just quit my job in November, go for cousin’s wedding, and then…hang around until January. I have family I could stay with, but then spending any significant amount of time in South Africa makes shooting myself in the foot seem like a fun idea. So we come to the reason I was looking up staying in the Kruger National Park yesterday – it’s the only place in that country I could quite happily spend four weeks. None of this solves the money problems – I naively thought I could get a job there but then I remembered they have enough people to employ.

Mum had a rather excellent idea last night though. My cousin (well, uncle really, but he’s only a couple of years older than me) is a game warden and manages a lodge in Botswana, and he may possibly be able to get me a job there. Working reception, guest liaison, all that sort of stuff. This would be, to put it mildly, an EPIC WIN. Working on a game reserve? Awesome.

But none of this would be concrete until waaaaay later in the year. Leaving me, effectually, with absolutely no idea what I should do. I hate it when this happens. I like having vague plans of where my life is going. Why is that so much to ask for?

Of course, people keep asking me stupid questions about work and the trip and everything, and I’m tired of having to deal with it. I don’t know, ok? I just don’t. Everything hinges on so many arbitrary things. If I get a second job. If I get a good sum back on tax. If my insurance isn't astronomical. If I can get work overseas. Dad keeps messing around saying things and thinking he’s really funny, not realising that he’s really damaging my equilibrium. Blah. I can only come to the conclusion that I have put too much into this ‘gap year’ business. I want everything too much. I’m overthinking and it’s driving me nuts.

Music: Blinded - Florence + The Machine

Take some time to warm it with your hands

I am cold and I don’t want to work.

I get the feeling this is going to be the refrain for the entire winter. Why don’t I dress warmer you ask? Well, I’m already wearing three layers. And half the time I keep my coat and my scarf on as well. I can’t dress any warmer than this. Of course, I probably wouldn’t be this cold if the air con in our office actually worked.Our office here referring to the little shoebox hanging above the warehouse that my deputy editor and I share, and air con to our pathetic wall unit that seems to be objecting to warmth. It stutters to life for a couple of minutes and then promptly gives up again, long before the chill has really been taken off the room. My fingers are sore from the typing/cold combo. As you should know, dear blogosphere, I do not take kindly to winter, so this isn’t going down well.

But is it just me, or is it colder than usual? I’m freezing all the time and it’s not even properly winter yet. I have been consistently late to work for the last week because I simply can’t get out of bed. It is dark. And cold. And I refuse to wake up.

No, I don’t know why I’m moving to Europe either. But at least they have heating that actually works.

In non-weather related news, I have officially been employed here one year. Drum roll! Fanfare! It feels a lot longer. Now I can technically leave and it won’t look dodgy on my resume. Of course, I can’t really leave. No well paying job will have me for only six months. Why I’m worried about well-paying, I don’t know. It’s not like it’s all that great here. I’d ask for a raise but hey, the publishing industry is screwed, what can you do.

On we plod.

Only four more weeks of uni left. That’s it. Holy crap. It’s weird not to have any immediate plans for study in my future. I’ve gotten so used to it! I’ve been thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know) - considering the state of publishing and the fact that it’s death to my creativity, I should just get a job at a uni. Even in admin or something to start with. Then when I do my PhD, I can always start tutoring. I like how I say when, not if – I’m such a sucker for punishment. I still don’t think I’d be a particularly great tutor, but who knows. Actually, I’d rather not talk about future career plans or anything like that, it just depresses me. Woe.

I’m finally taking that French course I’ve been going on about for the last two years. See, I get there in the end! It’s two hours on Monday nights and it’s actually quite good fun. There’s about six weeks left on that, might keep going with it, just have to wait and see how it goes. Hopefully I can actually retain what I’ve learnt, that’s the big thing.

Um. What else? I’m in a bit of trouble as I have to submit a title for something I haven’t written or, you know, researched. Mostly forgot about, in fact. Now I’m scrabbling about, trying very hard not to panic. Failing, but I should get an A for effort. At least I have finally managed to write a decent piece for my uni writing project, so I can roll on with that and hopefully my 15,000 words will come together in a halfway decent fashion. That was freaking me out so much. I can’t even begin to explain how hard it is for me to write creatively these days, to do my own writing. It’s like my brain’s just shut down and I have to bleed for every word. I blame my job entirely for this. I’m going to try and finish all that off this weekend before the rot sets in again.

In general though, I’m just tired all the time, sort of on the borderline of having a cold, and trying very hard to do everything all at once. So really, it’s just business as usual.

Music: Sowing Season - Brand New

Get off my lawn

Where do my weekends go? Actually, where does time go in general? I have none of it. If you see some, kindly send it my way.

So close to being on holiday and yet I am filled with horror at how much I have to do before then. Breathe, remember to breathe. Tonight alone, I need to draw another 2,000 words out of my hat - magically naturally - so I can have the full amount necessary for my meeting on Wednesday. I also kind of wanted to finish my editing assignment before I left, but that hasn't happened. Alas, alack, all that.

Not to mention all the people I owe emails - I will get round to it before I go, promise!

So what have I been doing with my time? Well, Friday night I saw Jimmy Eat World with L at the Enmore. It was her Christmas gift, and I think it was a lovely gig. They're really one of those bands that just nail those anthemic sing-a-long songs, and they played all my faves so I was happy. This is the first time I'd seen them in a smaller, indoor setting and it was so much better. Some bands are just not cut out for festivals or stadiums. It just loses too much in translation.

While the band delivered a great set, the crowd annoyed me to no end. We seemed to be in the crazy photo section, and if one more person stuck an iphone up to take a group photo, I was going to shove it down their throat. Also, people who talk during sets are going to a very special circle of hell. And why pray tell are people constantly walking around? What are you doing? Where are you going? Stand still, dammit! If you want to stand around drinking beer and yelling at each other, why pay $70 to see a band? Stay home, turn up their album really loud, and you can do that for free. And yes, I realise this makes me a jaded, grumpy old lady but still....get off my lawn! Or in this case, get out of my gig! And people are so rude. So fucking rude. You expect some pushing and shoving while at gigs, naturally, but I'm talking about common courtesy. Apparently it doesn't exist anymore. Bah.

Anywho. Busy, if generally unproductive weekend. Got hair done cause I couldn't stand the thought of a two week holiday (and holiday snaps) with the coppery mess it faded to. I like the violet hair, it's dark and subtle and you know, nice. But I do wish it had more of a kick to it. I got so many comments on the red, it was so much bolder, and I miss that. Vanity, I know. But anyway, it's pretty again, that's the main thing. I dropped by R's as well, watched The Princess and the Frog which is a lot like an updated Beauty & The Beast with ethnic diversity and accents. It wasn't bad, but I don't know if I was really that into it. We also watched another episode of My So-Called Life, which I am pretty much insisting on watching every time I'm over so I can shamelessly drool over Mr. Leto. Well, I say shamelessly, but it's really not. It's filled with lots and lots of shame. But oh well.

I spent today shopping with mum and spending money I don't have. Bought new jeans for the trip, and a cheap little digital camera that I can take places when the SLR won't make it in. Mostly, I just spent money on horse-riding gear. I've got some proper stuff now, including boots and jodhpurs. I figure as this is something I genuinely enjoy, I might as well do it properly. It's good exercise, gets me outside, and I have a great time. I'm pretty committed to it as my new hobby - only took me 23 years to wise up to it.

Next three days are going to be insane at work. Too much to do. Don't even want to think about it. I'll be working late tomorrow and Tuesday to try and get through it. Wednesday, off to uni. Thursday morning, bright and early flight to Christchurch. Aaaaand, exhale.

Music: Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen

You'll dance to anything

My intern is currently in the office and I don't really have any work for her. It's that awkward lull inbetween getting client info and deadline - nothing has come in and there's no real admin work to be done until the next issue comes out. So here I sit. I've gotten her to do things that are way ahead of schedule, but on my computer so it's left me with very little to do. Also I am tired, and I just want to sit here staring into space instead of feigning productivity and/or enthusiasm. Typing is productive, right?

Anyway, moving on to more important things.

Vices & Virtues, the new Panic! At The Disco album, is out and I finally had a chance to listen to it on the way to work this morning. Side note: remember when you used to buy an album and you'd sit by your stereo listening to it? That's why I like record players - it forces you to do that again, rather than say, listen to the album on itunes while doing a million other things online. People very rarely do that whole totally zoning in to just listen to an album thing anymore. I managed that to some degree with this one (and The King is Dead, the latest The Decemberists album) thanks to being stuck in traffic.

But yes. Simply put, Panic! is back, and it's spectacular. Vices & Virtues has all the poptastic danceability of A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, while keeping some of the experimental sounds and maturity of Pretty.Odd. - just without the LSD aftertaste. As always, this has a real sense of spectacle around it. That's precisely what I love about this band. For some reason, it always has this carnival-circus tone. Maybe it's because Brendon's ringmaster get-up from the 'I write sins not tragedies' video is forever entrenched in my consciousness, I don't know. It's just something so uniquely Panic! (I am stupidly happy to have the exclamation mark back) - an essence of amateur vaudevillian dramatics that's just so infectious.

The album really works for me. Brendon has such a unique voice and it is much more effective in this return to a more dance-friendly sound. Not that the stripped back moments aren't great - 'Always' is lovely example of less sometimes being more - but Panic! just does excess so well that it's hard not to want them to indulge. I think that's testament to their distinct musicality, and Brendon's natural showmanship. Even though I've only listened to it in its entirety once, this album makes me want to see them play live again. I just know they'll rip it up.

It's funny, I've actually been thinking about how this will play out for a while. After the split, and all. In this case, I think Ryan needed Brendon in order to gain the confidence to really explore music and without it,  he would never have gone off to do his own thing. Ryan was without a doubt the writer, something that's immediately apparent with Vices - the lyrics' straightforward imagery and similes is in stark contrast to the tricky wordplay and intertextuality of earlier. But Brendon is the one who has always carried it. He is one of those people who makes music seem absolutely effortless. He has a talent for the stage. I think that's why Panic! continues to work while The Young Vines...well, you can have all the best intentions in the world, but they don't mean much if you can't get them across convincingly. Not that it's a competition, but it is interesting. Well, at least to me.

So, what does this say? Sheer raw musical talent will always prevail? I guess that's not a bad thing - even if the music industry is overloaded with examples quite to the contrary.  Doesn't matter. All I know is I didn't even realise how much I missed Panic! until this morning. Bring on the tour.

Music: Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco

Drop of a hat

I had a trip to the hairdressers last week and had her strip out the red completely, so it’s more violet than the red-violet it was before. Problem is the red kinda held the colour nicely and now the purple is fading out to a colour I suspect is going to be disgusting. Like grey-brown. Yuck. And I’m only getting it done again when I get back from NZ. Double yuck.

I think in the scheme of hair colours, I’ll stick to the red in future. Purple is awesome, but red is more me, I feel. But really, the fading in both is a bitch. Ah well. Only a couple more to go then I’m properly going au naturale. Can’t afford to worry about fading hair when travelling.

There are so many draft blog posts saved over here, t'is rather nuts. I keep starting things and then get interrupted. And when I get home..well that’s it. I have no will to spend time in front of the computer anymore. I’ve also been avoiding my email for the last two weeks, possibly more. The sheer amount of unread emails is enough to give me an anxiety attack. I try to pretend it’s not there, or that I’ll get it to it tomorrow, or on the weekend…but it never happens. I know I need to just stop putting it off and get in there and sort it out but…ugh. There are things I don’t want to sort out, that’s why I’m avoiding it in the first place. If I don’t know about it, it doesn’t exist! *fingers in ears* La la la!

It’s stupid, I know. I’ll get round to it.

Um. What else? Uni’s going ok. I’ve got an assignment due on Thursday that I naturally haven’t started. Will attempt to get something written tonight. I need 5,000 words done by next Wednesday for my independent project as well. I’m going to try to knock about 10,000 over on the weekend. The aim is to have the entire word count for the project done before Easter, so then I can just re-draft and keep writing. I’ve gone with a re-write of Amped, rather than continuing on with Silver & Silent. Only because I’ve hit a bit of a wall with that and I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable with where it’s going – it lacks direction and I’m not sure the structure of it is really doing it any favours. So rather than beat my head against a wall and be miserable for the next 14 weeks, I’ll just write something that I know exactly what I’m doing.

My Thursday class, professional editing, is overall not too torturous. My classmates annoy me but even though I’m not overly fond of the subject matter, it’s not filling me with utter dread. So really, not too shabby for my last semester. I do think it’s going to drag down my GPA, but we’ll see how we go I guess. Not worried about the writing project at all really – I get on really well with my supervisor, having worked with her in undergrad. I was very surprised she remembered my project, she sees so many students, but she seems to think it had genuine promise. So when this is all done, I think I might try to work on that again. Once this one is finished, and Silver & Silent. Gah. Too many.

That’s about the scope of my life at the moment, I think. There have been outings, and movies, and drinking and such, of course. And work, which continues to be hellish. Nothing new there. I’m applying for so many random things – I don’t even care. I just want to get out of here so I can actually write again. Instead of going home brain dead and miserable. Hopefully, I’ll have something new by May. All I need to do now is get through the next three weeks. Can’t wait.

Music: Killer Queen - Queen

Always up or down

Oh Jared Leto, you crack me up. It’s a serious concern.

Actually, don’t think I mentioned it, but in my noble quest to find loltastic Leto moments, I discovered he has an assistant (here she is holding his umbrella [that’s not a euphemism, christ people, get your mind out of the gutter – yes, I’m giggling cause I am 12…and love Torchwood]) Do any other rock stars have assistants? How does one even get such a job? I can’t say I’ve ever seen it advertised on Seek.

WANTED: One rock star assistant. Must be able to locate good coffee by blind instinct alone, be capable of wrangling overzealous fans, and deal with obnoxious people on the internet. High tolerance for grandstanding and self-involvement highly regarded. Send CV with references, and cover letter stating why you think you’re right for this job, to hahayouwish@dreamon.com

I’m sure it’s absolutely horrible Devil-Wears-Prada-y overworking and under-appreciating, and a lot of getting coffee and standing around waiting/being annoyed, but you get to travel and attend so many gigs. I can do that! Travelling circuses are my thing. So. Rock stars of the world, take note. Hire me. I can run your life. And I promise not to mock you online.

Anyway, hello. Life is vexing. My work computer is having a major meltdown and IT ignored me yesterday so alas, it's dragged into today – frustrating not least of all because I can’t get to my files, but also because I know what’s wrong with it, having fixed a similar thing on my laptop last year. But oh no, can’t touch the work stuff, have to wait twenty bazillion fucking years for the one overworked guy to come look at it *rolls eyes* Meanwhile, stay away from Java. I’m serious. It is the devil. Or at least possessed by the devil. Despite not having my own computer, I was actually super productive today. Got a ton done, very pleased with that at least.

I wrote a blog yesterday shortly before my computer had this meltdown. It’s lost to the place where unsaved word docs go now. Mostly I was just lamenting my car, so I suppose the blogosphere hasn’t been deprived of much.

I’ve decided on my new car. The one I’m getting once I return from my ‘gap’ year and get a job again, I mean. Jack, I fear, won’t be around. He’s served me well over the time I’ve had him, but he’s old – naming him after Captains who pull of miraculous escapes/return from the dead was obviously a good call. Or a curse, I can never quite decided. Those paying attention will know I paid another visit to the mechanic on Saturday – had to get a new exhaust. I was very pleased with myself for organising all this by myself and getting it done for the price quoted to me. Such a nice change! There was a small hiccup when the garage I’d originally organised with wasn’t even open when I was told to bring the car over, but luckily I found a mechanic closer to home who did a more comprehensive job for cheaper. So I still consider it a win.

Thing with Jack is, he really is old. 21 this year, and he’s done a lot of kms. I’ve had him for about seven, a long time in my family for a car. All things considered, it’s been fine, but now he requires near constant upkeep. Every two months it seems like something else needs doing, eating away my trip savings. I fear the starter or the gearbox will go next - he’s very slow on the changeover and on really hot days, it’s a struggle to get out of third (or past 80km/h). We’ve fiddled with it and can’t see any major trouble, but you never really know. And if the gearbox does go, well I’m not replacing it. It’s just not worth it. I’m reminded of that Top Gear episode where James and Jeremy are discussing service bills and Jeremy’s turns out to be £15,000 and James says, ‘What? Did he buy you a Golf?’ Which, incidentally, is what I intend on doing.

So there you go – that’s the car story, sort of. Blogosphere didn’t miss out after all (what a loss it would have been too *cough*)

All other things remain the same. No real news that is not a giant whine about work...because it is an awful trial at the moment. Had a major clash with one of the ad reps shortly after the last blog was posted (and not the one I was waiting on an email from, oh no, I have two being pains). She was just carrying on so much and wouldn’t listen, and kept pushing and pushing, and eventually it reached the point where I was either going to punch her or cry. In the hopes of avoiding assault charges, I settled for the latter. So embarrassing. Luckily it’s just me and the deputy editor in the office, so it’s contained embarrassment. I loathe crying, but you know sometimes when you’re just so angry and frustrated that it has to come out somehow? Well it was like that. I’m annoyed that I let her get to me so much, but I’m stretched pretty thin at the moment and don’t want to deal with this kind of needless drama. And it really is needless, she’s just a melodramatic bitch. I don’t understand why workplaces keep people like her around – she creates a toxic work environment and drives others away. Nearly everyone working with her has quit or asked to be transferred. I’ve been in this job nine months and this is the first time she’s really riled me – apparently that’s a new record.

Gah. I’m just ignoring her now.

Whinge whinge whine whine blah. What fun. Thankfully it’s almost weekend. There’s a bright light on the horizon! Hanging with the girls on Saturday, and that is always a good thing.

Top 10 will be late tomorrow. Busy with other things at the moment.

One last thing -

Draw nigh, that thou mayest sooner enter the toils of destruction.

Don't know why, but I love that.


Music: Down and out - The Academy Is...

Only for a second

I have no motivation. Gah. Currently writing about floods and engaged in another battle with ad rep. Email me back, you bastard! Also on the to do list today: get info about prizes for future competitions from companies. Sigh.

My eyes can't believe what they have seen.
In the corner of your room, you've stockpiled millions of my memories.
Oh doctor, doctor, I must have gotten sick somehow,
I'm going to ask you a series of questions,
And I want them answered on the spot, right now.
Is it serious?
I'm afraid it is.
Am I gonna die?
Well son, death is gonna catch up to all one day,
But yours is coming quicker than ours, than ours.

Some things I may have taken for granted, again and again,
Well here's what was said then,

Hold your head high heavy heart.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it's the last you'll ever get.
If we don't take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I've been planning something big, planning something big, planning.

I've never tried to make the best of my time,
When I thought that I had plenty of it.
Is this serious?
I don't know what to think.
Is it all a lie?
Well, one thing is for sure
I'm taken back to the glory days
When we were kids without a brash or bitter thing to say.

Now my life is one big make it, or break it.

Hold your head high heavy heart
Save your strength for the morning after.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it's the last you'll ever get.
If we don't take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I've been planning something big, planning something big.

Music: The phrase that pays - The Academy Is...

Knock me down

News. I can haz it!

So, I attend a writer’s group now. It’s good, despite my general dislike for all group social interactions. I’m not sure how it’ll work out with uni as we currently meet on Wednesdays, and I think I’ve got class on Wednesdays. We shall see, I guess. Only two more weeks till it’s back to the dungeons of tertiary servitude (she says even though she secretly loves it.)

I’ve got an essay to write this weekend – please, please nag me about it, if you have the chance. I will kick myself if I don’t at least try because there are few things in life greater than marrying your fandom with academia.

Thirdly, after much deliberation, I have decided to apply for a new job. I was hesitant because I didn’t want it to seem like I was giving up with my current job – but it’s a great opportunity in a line I’m much more passionate about. Applying can’t hurt, right? Problem is now that I’ve decided to apply and I’ve written everything that’s required for it, I’m actually a bit scared by how much I want it. I have a personal rule against expectation and I’m dangerously close to breaking it :/

Yesterday, I had a day out with mum. We headed to the travel expo first and accumulated a frankly frightening amount of brochures. I may or may not have added another bazillion places to my list of places to visit. I think there should be a stall to help people like me navigate the logistical nightmare of wanting to up and leave for a significant period of time. I don’t really know what I’m doing and it’s very annoying. Following that, we had lunch at Pancakes and wandered about Town Hall, seemingly acquiring chocolate and cupcakes without really trying. Good times.

In news that is not my own, Pete Wentz and Ahslee Simpson have split. While I’m tempted to say ‘I told you so’, I’m more concerned with Pete’s self-destructive tendencies at the moment and I hope someone’s looking out for him.

What else? Oh yes, first wave of Sydney Supanova guests have been announced – including the insane (now married) James Marsters, Simon and Inara from Firefly, Cary Elwes aka Westley aka Robin Hood aka coolest dude ever, and my dearly departed fictional Welsh boyfriend’s doppelganger, among others. So all in all, it’s shaping up adequately geeky. Now, prepare the hip flask… not making the same mistake as last year, after all.

Just discovered Cary Elwes played Paris in a tv show about the Trojan War. Wonder if he was better than dear old Orlando Bloom. Speaking of the Trojan War, I’m currently halfway through the second volume of The Illiad. Oh my god, Homer. How long do people need to stand fighting over a body? The amount of time it’s taken them to get Patroclus’ body back to Achilles is only beaten by the amount of time it took Patroclus to actually start fighting in the first place. Epic poem is epic. Sigh. Greek mythology clearly favours my ‘setting sims on fire’ approach to religion.

On the work front – things are still completely manic. I had the fun job of sourcing a Kindle for a photo shoot this week and using one is actually not as horrible as I thought it would be. I still love books though. Nothing beats the feel of a book. But yes, work may still cause a nervous breakdown at this rate. And it’s extra stressful because I am not biting my nails anymore – as that’s my standard response to stress, I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.

And on that note, time to crack on. A bazillion profiles to write. From thin air as clients are useless. As always. Yay.

Music: Lips like morphine - Kill Hannah