Saturday, October 31, 2009

Her hair was raven and her heart was like a tomb

First things first - Happy Halloween!

I bough so much candy and there has not been a single trick or treater! This always happens. The minute I don't have anything though, they're lining up down the street. I wish we could all just agree to do Halloween properly. Save everyone some time. I don't get why people don't get into the spirit. It's Halloween, what's not to love about it? It is definitely party central out there tonight though, my neighbours are certainly enjoying themselves. Next year I'm going to make up the house, I don't care. I can hang a skeleton off the balcony or some such.

Right, so as participants well know, tomorrow marks the start of NaNoWriMo, and with my mum helpfully yelling names at me, I finally feel like I have a plan. YAY for creative writing! I've tentatively entitled the piece 'Unbreakable'. Here's my synopsis for any interested parties -

As the only daughter of telecommunication tycoon Maurice Mohana, Ariene appears to have it all - wealth, power, and every possible luxury the 22nd Century can afford. What Ariene wants, however, is adventure; and she always goes after what she wants. When new rumours start circulating about the age-old Adámas Legend, it seems like the perfect challenge for the bored socialite. But Ariene lives her life on a double-edge sword, and in her obsession with the Legend she risks exposing the secret she’s desperately kept for twenty four years.

Until their widgets start working, my progress will be limited to the site. Now forgive me as I become progressively less coherent as the month goes on. It is a lot of words after all. I am just thankful I have such good company in the madness.

Abbi is being pro-active in actually raising money for charity so be sure to donate here and follow her progress.

I've just watched Easy Virtue with mum and thoroughly enjoyed it. I have such questionable taste sometimes. As with books and music though, I just want to enjoy it. Often what critics like make a trip to the dentist seem like fun. I also watched Monty Python and the Holy awaaaaaay!

That is the advice I wanted to employ when I had to usher another spider out of the house. Why is my father never at home in these situations? It's his job. I trapped it with an old coffee bottle and my mum took it outside to set it free. Major ew.

Anyway, I suppose I better edit my exegesis so I can focus on starting tomorrow. Eep! I'm totally torn between excitement and having myself committed.

To round off the post, have a few random links:
> 40 Greatest Movie Soundtracks
> 20 Most Recognisable Smells
> The Vampire Craze: An In Depth Analysis Of The Hottest Male Vampires

The comments in the last one amused me: "Robert Pattison's performance is the highlight of an otherwise mediocre movie..." - Hahahaha. Ahem. You’re all on crack. I’d much rather swap 2 out for 17 to be honest, but I can’t fault the choice for number 1.

Music: Great Expectations - The Gaslight Anthem
Mood: Apathetic

Friday, October 30, 2009

Thinking about the straight and narrow

I understand it’s Sanna’s birthday. Considering her enthusiasm for them, I thought this called for another playlist. Happy birthday, hope it is/was good!

> Nothing better (Styrofoam Remix) – The Postal Service
> Piazza, New York Catcher – Belle & Sebastian
> The Luckiest – Ben Folds
> Innocent son – Fleet Foxes
> The Bunker – Beirut
> Fiction – The Lucksmiths
> In the lost and found/The roost – Elliot Smith
> Loyd, I’m ready to be heartbroken – Camera Obscura
> Hospital Bed – Ben Kweller
> Holland, 1945 – Neutral Milk Hotel
> Middle of the hill – Josh Pyke
> No right angles – Ben Lee
> The Twist – Frightened Rabbit
> Firecracker – Voxtrot
> The end and the beginning – Forgive Dudren (feat Brendon Urie and Greta Salpeter)

In other news - Draft done and sent. Sorted. Now just have to fix up exegesis tomorrow.

Music: No right angles - Ben Lee
Mood: Sleepy

Watch the carnival lights explode

Man, what a bizarre day.

This morning I was verging on homicidal rage. So fucking annoyed. Really. It all started with the first patient in taking well over an hour, thereby pushing all other appointments back an hour. By 9.30 the place was packed, fuller than I have ever seen it, I ran out of chairs for crying out loud. People kept getting pissed at me, as if I had some magical control over the process. I tried to move some appointments to save people from having to wait, but they just got annoyed at me. I was all fine, come in at your appointed time then and sit here for an hour. I don't care. The other annoying thing is people who come in and ask "Is there a wait?" Hmm. No, I just keep all these people here to brighten up the place. Of course there's a wait, there's a line out the damn door! We had a medical to do as well, so I had to try and sort him out and ugh. Just a nightmare. The entire week has been like this, complete madness and chaos. Not only are we booked out but people are taking forever in their consults. I don't know what's going on, but I hope it stops soon. It's crazy.

By the time I managed to get out of there, I was so exhausted and without a will to live, I couldn't be bothered going into the city and doing my shopping, so I went home and had lunch instead. Got Abs birthday present sorted, so hopefully that will arrive on time. Though I have some anxiety about the ordering/delivery system employed, so fingers crossed it all works out.

It was only a short break as I had to head to the Cross to meet Mandy. I got there early (I seem to be early for everything except work) only to find her already there having lunch, husband and dogs in tow. We went through my creative piece, which she's made a few notations on and which I should really be editing right now since I said I'd have it ready for her tomorrow. I've learnt that editing is never done, it appears that there is no such thing as a final draft you're actually happy with. My theory on the other hand seems to be fine. She thought it was fine, everyone else who has read the exegesis (*tips hat to my amazing friends*) thought it was fine. I thought it was terrible, but clearly I have no idea what I'm doing and am just preparing myself for the worst out of habit. Writing theory after midnight is clearly a win. Mandy actually asked me why I sent it to her at such an odd time, haha.

Anyway, that was really the minor point of the afternoon, it takes all of ten minutes to go through my stuff. She makes really excellent notes on the drafts she gives to me, and it's always very clear what she thinks needs work. I really can't stress enough how lucky I've been to have her as a supervisor. She has, in short, been absolutely brilliant. I thought this would be our last meeting, but she's willing to give it one final proof before submission, so I'm meeting her on Tuesday. So it is at this point that I find myself sitting in a bistro in Kings Cross with two of the most prominent writers in this country, just talking about life, writing, theory and UTS. Like I'm not just some deluded punk kid, which I suppose is how I see myself. When I left I actually started panicking a little bit as the AVPD kicked in. I suppose I was terrified in retrospect. Best way to go about things I suppose. So yes, quite surreal, but fantastic. I cannot believe that this is actually my life. That this is what I want from my life. I wish I knew how to get it for keeps, how to make it happen. But I just have to persevere.

I also spoke to Mandy about Masters and whether I should accept the UTS offer or just wait for USYD. She agreed with me that variety may be good, especially since I've studied under most of the writers at UTS. Get new perspectives and such. So waiting for Sydney now. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, I best start on this creative draft. Get it out of the way before NaNoWriMo starts. I have moved from excitement to apprehension on that front. Story, what story? I think mine suffers from multiple personality disorder, I'm going for noir-ish mystery/adventure/sci-fi. I'm sure that will work *cough*

Oh, I'm trialing Bigpond Movies, which is essentially Quickflix/Netflix, my first two dvds arrived today. They make it so easy! Also since I've added my dvd collection to my profile, they're getting the recommendations pretty much spot on. I was impressed.

It's officially eight years since I first stepped onto Australian soil. That's right, I've now been a Sydney-sider for eight mostly wonderful years, have had many adventures and made brilliant friends and had a life I wouldn't trade for the world. I can't believe it's only been eight, it feels longer.

Conclusion, life is strange.

So before we turn to ghosts on the mist on the sand,
or fall in line for more conducive plans,
See, I never took a shot to the higher minds,
but I can hold the soft waltz down.

Music: Say I won't (recognize) - The Gaslight Anthem
Mood: Weird

Thursday, October 29, 2009

45 Questions

From Sanna and Abs...

1. Do you like blue cheese? Not at all.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Nope.
3. Do you own a gun? I do not, no.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Starbucks? Mint to my hot chocolate, om nom nom. It is the best thing about winter. I may also add caramel to my lattes sometimes.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I have no objections. I prefer sausage sizzles at Bunnings on a weekend tho. I don't know what it is about those charity/fund-raising things but they are so nice.
7. Favourite Christmas movie? The Nightmare Before Christmas
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee, two shots preferably.
9. Can you do push-ups? Don't be ridiculous.
10. What’s your favourite piece of jewellery? My Evenstar pendent, also the eagle ring Abs picked out for me.
11. Favorite hobby? Do geeking out and fangirling count as hobbies?
12. Do you have A.D.D? No.
13. What’s one trait you hate about yourself? Perfectionism.
14. Middle name? None, thankfully. I have long enough names.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? My ear hurts. I really want more chocolate. I have way too much stuff still to do before NaNo and the Reel challenge.
16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Lunch (hamburger & chips), Diet coke, Newspaper
17. Name 3 things you drink daily: Coffee, Rooibos or Irish Breakfast tea, Lipton Iced Red Tea
18. Current worry? USYD, and how long it'll take them to get back to me about my application.
19. Current dislike? Working *sigh*
20. How did you bring in the New Year? At the Purple Sneakers house party at the Manning, watching a bunch of indie bands, including The Teenagers who counted us in.
21. Where would you like to go? Japan, Christchurch, Barcelona, Copenhagen
22. Name three people who will complete this: Whoever wants to! I think everyone's pretty much been tagged already.
23. Do you own slippers? Yup, big furry ones.
24. What shirt are you wearing? I'm actually wearing the Sex & The City shirt Roze got free at Virgin Music about two years ago, it's one of my work-out shirts.
25. [Missing apparently] Let me add my own...
25. What did you do today? Mostly I caught up on Big Bang Theory and Merlin, absolute dorkdom overload. It was great.
26. Favorite colour[s]? Red, Black, Silver
27. Could you be a pirate? Yes! No doubt about it.
28. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't really sing but when it happens, it's usually whichever bizarre song is stuck in my head and that can be anything.
29. Favourite food? Lasagna. And chocolate. But apparently that's not food...
30. What’s in your pocket right now? I am currently without pockets.
31. Last thing that made you laugh? This about why Quidditch is the best College sporting event.
32. Favourite sheets? My red 800 thread count sheets. I love my thread count.
33. Worst injury you have ever had? I cracked my skull open when I was 5, freaked everyone at pre-school out thanks to the obscene amount of blood. Ah head wounds, got to love it. You can still see where I had stitches.
34. Do you love where you live? I am quite fond of this house, so yes.
35. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two, but there's no reception here so only one actually works, the other is regulated to extra DVD and hard drive duty now.
36. Who is your loudest friend? Hmmm, I'd say Roze is certainly the least restrained one, but Lizzie got shushed on the street once. Ah, good times.
37. How many dogs do you have? One
38. Does someone have a crush on you? Not that I know of.
39. What are your favourite book(s): Too many! Life of Pi, LOTR, The Book Thief, Catcher in the Rye, Wuthering Heights...
40. What is your favourite candy? Chocolate
41. Favourite Sports Water: I am so not the type for that stuff.
42. What songs do you want played at your funeral? Oooh I had one for this the other day but I cannot for the life of me remember! Bah. I can barely breathe by Manchester Orchestra? Hm. I'll have to give it more thought, clearly.
43. What were you doing 12 AM last night? I was talking to Abs of course, and looking up UTS course fees.
44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke this morning? Oh dear god, it's not even 7 yet, what fresh hell is this?
45. Favourite place to be? The city, with abbi (cupcakes optional), a plane, Roze's couch, sitting in the sun on the deck.

Music: Espionage - Green Day
Mood: Relaxed

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A solid soul and the blood I bleed

Now, here is the last playlist I did, for those who wanted to listen to it at the time but were being foiled by tertiary education.

The one I just compiled is a result of overthinking, and actually I had a perfect playlist planned out on my last drive home from work but when it came to drawing it up tonight, I just couldn't remember it. But anyway, I've called it Immortality.

> Hell - Tegan and Sara
> This modern love - Bloc Party
> Nobody move, nobody get hurt - We Are Scientists
> Intervention - Arcade Fire
> Mistakes we knew we were making - Straylight Run
> Salt of the earth - Lovedrug
> Queen of pain - Alkaline Trio
> Up against the wall - Boys Like Girls
> Heaven help us - My Chemical Romance
> Travel Hymn - Circa Survive
> The Wolves (Act I and II) - Bon Iver
> A fine evening for a rogue - Lydia
> In the aeroplane over the sea - Neutral Milk Hotel
> Red at night - The Gaslight Anthem

Music: My girls - Animal Collective
Mood: Accomplished

Link it to the world

I slept away the morning and spent the afternoon sitting under the shade of a bluegum waiting for the garage to be done with my car. Suffice it to say, not much was done. Though I know my thesis isn't actually done, it's nice to know that no matter what happens, at least there is something to submit. I'll hopefully have it all done by this time next week, and then it's out of my hands and I can fall into the waiting arms of summer, time and freedom.

That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs, but what a ship is, what the Black Pearl really freedom.

I got an acceptance letter for the UTS Masters program today. Always feels like lovely vindication. But of course I'm now worried about how to go about this whole enrolling business. Obviously they want me to accept the offer as soon as possible, but the USYD applications won't even close until this Saturday, so I don't know how long I will have to wait to hear if I got in there. They are such vastly different programs, I don't know which I prefer. I'm still not sure whether I can get a commonwealth supported place at UTS either, they sent a form with the letter that seems to imply I can but the guy attending on application day was pretty adamant that you couldn't. I don't want to think about things, can't they just *be*? Too many 'what ifs' give me a headache.

Playlists to follow.

Music: New Born - Muse
Mood: Thoughtful

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Don't you worry, there's still time

I had the best night last night, it was just so unbelievably lovely on all levels. A perfect night in. It was Em's birthday (Happy birthday Em! "I can't believe it's been a whole year since your birthday" - actual piece of wisdom uttered by yours truly during the night) and the always gracious R had us all over for dinner at hers. By all I mean the three amigos and Em's boyfriend, apparently the king of pop culture board games which should make our upcoming trivial pursuit challenge nice and competitive. The dinner was v nice, there was wine, there was the Bollywood Oscars and a very dramatic tv show or some such that I still insist starred George Costanza, and board games. Oh yes, we're cutting edge, we are. I haven't played board games in far too long and it was heaps of fun. Besides R and I totally kicked ass on the Murder Mystery one, reading all those Agatha Christie's are paying off!

It's Lily, in the garden, with a venomous snake!
Oh come on, no one kills someone with a snake for fame!
It's Lily, it's Lily, it's Rusty, it's LILY! SEE I TOLD YOU!
It's always Lily.

Epic amounts of fun.

Anyway, GUESS WHAT? It's 2AM but I've finally finished the first draft of my theory. Mwahahahahaha. Surely, world domination is not far off. Honestly though, it's complete rubbish and I doubt it makes any sense, let alone has a coherent argument. It's also 76 words over the limit but once I cross out the mindless rambling, it'll probably be 4,000 words under. Um yeah. But something has been done at least! That's a pro, surely.

Now I await what will no doubt be kindly worded feedback about how much it sucks. Hee. I don't know why this makes me giggle. It must be a iced red tea overdose.

Also, it being the 28th and all, I shall post another playlist at some point as well as a link for the previous one for Sanna. Look at me, not forgetting! I'm not sure when. I have to take my car in for a quick check as well as possibly going to the movies, but I'll get it done somewhere in there.

Music: You wouldn't like me - Tegan and Sara
Mood: Satisfied

Monday, October 26, 2009


Productive!Jen is productive at work. Oh yes.
From Donna, with love.
[[Watch it, spaceman!]]

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sell crazy some place else, we're all stocked up here

In retrospect, cracking open a bottle of wine last night was not the best idea I ever had. By midnight I was far too sleepy to even pretend to care about theory anymore. Oops. However, I made significant progress this morning/afternoon, and am two thirds done. I have not finished it, sadly, but I have officially got 3, 172 words. I think all the research for my final section and conclusion is there, it just needs to be cobbled together. In about a thousand words. Hopefully, that's do-able.

Anywho, I don't think I'm doing too badly considering I still have two weeks to finish it all. I shall try my absolute hardest to have it all in Mandy's inbox by Tuesday. So I can meet up with her ASAP and finish off the editing, have it printed and bound, and dropped off by...well I don't know. I can't hand it in at the time it's due on Tuesday, since I have work. So I may try and get in on Monday during my lunch break. Shall email a bunch of people and see how we go.

I will of course also be nagging my lovely friends to read it and give me some feedback. Please guys, I need all the help I can get.

I do feel slightly less nervous about my lack of theoretical enthusiasm as it will be marked by creative writing people, who no doubt share my distaste for theory and focus mostly on the creative piece. We can only hope.

Tomorrow it is the darling Em's birthday and we're all heading over to R's place for dinner and boardgames. Shenanigans will no doubt ensue. So looking forward to it, have missed the girls so much thanks to the horrors of this semester.

Do not stand by my grave and weep,
For I am not there, I did not die
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond's glint in the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
In the soft blush of the morning light
I am the swift bird in flight.
Don't stand by my grave and cry,
I am not there,
I did not die.

- Mary Elizabeth Frye

Oh yeah, saw the following this morning. One of the many joys of Torchwood fandom is things like this are actually totally understandable - The sign got very excited and then was sorely disappointed to find out that Barrowman in drag was actually a woman.

I think we're all a very particular brand of crazy.

Music: Boulevard of broken dreams - Green Day
Mood: Working

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Life of luxury

Some dogs have all the luck.
From Donna, with love.
[[Watch it, spaceman!]]


- Title Page
- Certificate of authenticity/authorship
- Acknowledgments
- Contents page
- Bibliography (half of...)
- Creative piece (slight tweak still required)
- 1, 500 words of exegesis compromising of intro and twitter background

To be dammit!
- rest of exegesis compromising identity, text and reader response theory
- said tweaking of creative piece

- complete full bibliography

- wishing for some peace and fucking quiet, honestly why is it so much to ask?
- spilling tea on myself
- tearing my hair out while trying to talk myself into starting work on this. Come onnnn, we can do this! Stop procrastinating and sitting outside and making excuses!

Thus my current position on yesterday's icon outline of the weekend has passed dalek buggering off, and reached tumbleweeds.

Will now:
- crack open a bottle of wine
- order cheese pizza
- move to my room
- get to bloody work!

Music: Minimum - Muse
Mood: Determined

I'm not much of a poet, but a criminal

Preach all you want but who's gonna save me?
I keep a gun on the book you gave me, hallelujah, lock and load
Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son
It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you one,

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe

So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

Music: Thank you for the venom - My Chemical Romance
Mood: Working

Friday, October 23, 2009

This ship is going down in sight of land

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true

Every day you have to go to work is a repetition of the working day before, and so we go on and on in an endless loop of banal indifference. Not helped when you forget your phone at home, which was my stroke of genius this morning. I can't stop yawning and it's really frustrating.

The following appeared on Neil Gaiman's latest blog (not actually written by him atm) from the 'mailbag' section:

Q: Do you have any tips for the care and maintenance of waistcoats? I place no stock in the abilities of the local dry-cleaning emporium, and the servants are afraid to hazard a hand-wash ever since the unfortunate incident with the cheese.

A: To which I can only reply, good sir, that if you are storing or conveying -- or, dare I say, BOTH -- your unstable cheeses in your waistcoat then you are quite beyond my help. Never the less, I will add that nothing gets rid of dairy residue sunk into fabric like the collision of large hadrons.

I found it amusing.

I will now express my afternoon and my outlook/approach to the weekend entirely in a series of progressive icons:

Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket

[All icons have been linked to their original creators, except the first and last one as I have no idea where they came from]

Music: All my loving - The Beatles
Mood: Frustrated

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Our bruises are coming but we will never fold

I am soooo tired. Ugh. I haven't been very productive either. Fine-tuned my intro, sitting at 327 which is a bit less I was aiming for, but I was also aiming at a 5, 000 word essay but anything over 2, 000 will do. So I figure let it flow and see where it takes me.

I've written my acknowledgements, since that's something that has to be done and it's vaguely productive. In it I thank Mandy, the parentals, Abbi, Roze and Em, the people whose tweets I've lifted, and it ends with the following:

and finally Muse, Brand New, The Gaslight Anthem, Kill Hannah, Twin Atlantic, Torchwood and the Big Bang Theory, for providing the perfect background noise to the creative process. Nothing worthwhile ever happens without a good soundtrack.

I may be the first person to ever thank bands and tv shows in the acknowledgement of academic work, but it says you must credit everyone who helped with your piece and this is me we’re talking about here, nothing gets done without this lot. I am certainly not one to balk at tipping my hat to my inspiration. Besides, I'm probably going to be lifting a title from a song and I'll be using a TBBT quote, so it's all valid. Plus it makes my inner geek happy. It's important I keep it happy...though to be honest, it probably isn't as "inner" as I imply it is.

Anywho, I had a lovely lunch and movie session with Stono. Final Destination made me feel mostly ill and unsettled as I expected it would, but it was still good fun in that ludicrous way those types of movies always are. It works brilliantly in 3D I must say, out of all the 3D movies I've seen, this one actually felt like it made a difference. I am perplexed by the amount of gasoline and general flammable liquids merely standing around and toppling over in every day life though, Health and Safety Inspectors everywhere are having nightmares.

Now I have to get back to work. Mandy was promised a copy of everything by Sunday, so I simply must have a draft done. Speaking of my supervisor of awesome, she emailed today about organising examiners for me. Now I had no idea that I had any say in who marked my thesis so I was drawing a total blank. She's asking one of her friends to be my external examiner and said friend happens to be the head of writing at USYD. Seeing as I want to do my Masters there, I can't have asked for anything better.

Music: Silver lining - Rilo Kiley
Mood: Sleepy

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Help, you know I need somebody

I need a name for my creative piece. I suck at naming things. If anyone has any bright ideas, I'd appreciate any input. It follows a girl who is famous by birth as she travels from San Diego to London. It's a broken text that incorporates the linear story of her journey, juxtaposed with online content such as articles, tweets, blogs, and a wikipedia entry. It deals with rumours, family and how one places one's sense of self. It hopefully subtly illustrates the speculation and assumptions that accompanies being present online, while also illustrating how reliant individuals have become on services such as blogging and social networking platforms to ground themselves within the present and actually ground their identity.

Currently I'm lifting titles from songs as I always do - Escape Artistry? Takeoffs and landings? Time code? From a balance beam? - or contemplating something uber lame like "New friend request" though that is far too facebook/myspace than Twitter..."The world is now following you"? Errr. This shouldn't be so difficult.

There is a man holding a megaphone,
he must have been the voice of God
The bystanders claimed they saw angels
flying up and down the block
Well, they must have been attached to wires
I'd seen one laying in the lawn
with a broken arm, so I called 911

Well that's one less founded opinion
One more cause for a dispute
So the street filled, like a basin,
up with cameras and their crews
And they washed away the rumors
leaving just the concrete truth
It was a spectacle
No, I, I mean a miracle

So then I fell like that girl
from a balance beam
A gymnasium of eyes
all were holding on to me
I lifted one foot to cross the other
and I felt myself slipping
It was a small mistake
Sometimes that is all it takes

Now I'm staring at my wrist,
hoping that the time is right
When the planets will align
There will be no planets to align
Just the carcass of the sun
And little painted marbles spinning senseless
through an endless black sky

It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub
I baptized myself in change
And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been
I emerged to find the parallels were fewer
I was cleansed
I looked in the mirror
And someone new was there
But, I was as helpless as a chess piece
when I was lifted up by someone's hand
And delivered from the corner
my enemies had got me in
But in all of my salvation
I still felt imprisoned inside that holding cell
that is myself

So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key
as it turns in the lock
And the guard will say to me,
"Oh my patient prisoner
you waited for this day and finally,
you are free!
You are free!
You are freezing."
Now I'm staring at the sun,
waiting for it to explode
Because a day is gonna come,
don't know when but it will come
And we'll finally know the way out of here

And I'll throw away this wrinkled map
And my chart of stars and compass, cracked
And I'll climb that tree all wet with sap
to avoid the hungry beasts below
I'll cut out my lover's tongue and sing
of a graveyard gray and a garden green
And we won't have to worry no more
No we won't have to wonder again
About how this song or story ends
About how this song and story will end

Music: From a balance beam -Bright Eyes
Mood: Frustrated

If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have brought it up

Movie ramble time -

Jim Sturgess is apparently starring in a sci-fi film, huzzah.

'Adam is a seemingly ordinary guy in a very extraordinary universe. He lives humbly trying to make ends meet, but his romantic spirit holds on to the memory of a girl he met once upon a time from another world, an inverted affluent world with its own gravity, directed from above but beyond reach... a girl named Eve. Their childhood flirtation becomes an impossible love. But when he catches a glimpse of grown-up Eve on television, nothing will get in the way of getting her back... Not even the law of science.'

Kirsten Dunst is starring opposite and I'm not really a big fan of hers but...Jim Sturgess! Sci-fi! I'll give it a shot.

I also saw a post about 'Invictus'. While it's true that I've been relatively ambivalent towards rugby until 2003, I'm still fairly sure that describing the Springboks as "the country's ailing team" prior to the 1995 world cup is a bit narrow-minded considering that there was no real way to compare the team to anyone else thanks to a wonderful thing called international sanctions. So you know, ailing is pushing it. Plus, "they're a ragtag team with little chance of winning made up largely of the old-school, Afrikaan mentality." Uh, okay? I'm fairly sure they were never the rag-tag underdogs. I mean this makes it sound like Cool Runnings! And were they really "generally despised, championed only by the country's whites"? I was only eight at the time, so I have no idea. I remember picking dad up from Ellis Park one night, and sitting in the living room wishing my extended family weren't all mad, but the general societal climate escapes me. I just never considered the Springboks to be much of a "Cinderella story" team, they've always been considered good. Regardless, I think it's very weird to write a movie about it. Let alone one directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman. Serious WTFBBQ.

To be honest, this sounds like the kind of story that makes me want to break something. It operates on general assumptions and preconceived attitudes while having no real idea of the situation. It's actually not so much the stories themselves as the underlying motivations and the debates consequently inspired by them. I am too young to have any real weight in the apartheid legacy, but I grew up during the time everything changed, and I was, and still am, subjected to all the bullshit that goes with being a white afrikaans speaking South African. To which I will go out to the world and say fuck you, okay? I am tired of having to put up with bullshit political things that happened before I was born and yet somehow are left for my generation to deal with. I thus have absolutely no interest in watching or engaging in anything with such overt political connotations and assumptions as I feel like I have spent my entire life being flogged with it. I will not apologize for things that I had no hand in, and I certainly refuse to be guilt-tripped into an expected position. Am I supposed to take my position as a repressed minority now to make up for things that happened in the past? Whatever. It's the same thing here with the stolen generation. Yes, it's terrible that it happened. But I didn't do it, and neither did anyone in my generation. So what, pray tell, do you want from us? The government and society have acknowledged that it was wrong, and have moved to rectify and compensate where they can. I recommend we build a bridge and get over it. And I know what people will say, that I wasn't the injured party so it's easy for me to say that. Well, maybe, but if you keep harbouring a grudge, you never heal do you? I mean, for fuck's sake, am I supposed to start fights with Catholics since my grandfather was Irish and Protestant?

Bah. Politics. I hate you.

As a final point on Invictus, I can guarantee my mum and her family will loathe it with a fiery passion since they are a very strong, influential rugby family. My father will hate it because he will yet again be reminded of the money he lost betting on the All Blacks and he has always harboured an extremely strong dislike for Francois Pienaar for reasons I can no longer remember. So if this movie ever gets a lot of press, I look forward to listening to continuous bitching on the topic.

To conclude the movie ramble, I can't believe they're doing a film on the creators of Facebook. That just sounds dull to me.

Films I am actually interested in seeing:
An Education
A single man
Paper Heart
Bright Star
Death in love
Somers Town
The Informant!

Music: NCIS LA
Mood: Relaxed

Academia deserves sun too

New workstation. Oh so studious.
From Donna, with love.
[[Watch it, spaceman!]]

Follow the spiders? Why couldn't it be follow the butterflies?

Oh dear god. I went to check the mail just now and as I come in through the front door, I feel something hairy under my foot before I really take a step so I look down and there is a FUCKING HUNTSMAN JUST SITTING THERE. I quickly hop down the hall muttering various curses in between every "ew ew ew ew ew". Is this how you repay me nature? I sing your praises all morning, chillaxing in the garden with my Iced Tea and SPF 30 sunblock, enjoying your gorgeous 34 degree summer weather, and you send a spider into my home. That's not on. I forgot how many damnable creepy crawlies there are around in summer. Major SHUDDER. Anyway, I had to get rid of the thing or else I wouldn't be able to ever go anywhere in the house again. Luckily it was sitting right between the front door and the screen door so I could just shoo it out by flapping the door about. I'm sure that if there were any neighbours around they would assume I'm a bit mad. "There there love, the door can't hurt you now." Maybe the door can't but stepping on a giant, hairy arachnid sure can. Note to self: WEAR SHOES. Ugh.

For the internationals who have the blessed luxury of not being faced with these terrors on a regular basis, this here is a specimen of the lovely fellow.

"Hello, I will eat your flesh while you sleep."

Out of all our spiders, and oh isn't there a nice selection, they aren't actually that bad. They can't kill you or anything, but they are ginormous and that makes them terrifying. I can't help but come to the conclusion that Ron Weasley would never have any peace here.

I now need to stop looking at pictures of spiders, definitely feeling ill.


Well now that has definitely ruined my hippy-I-love-Sydney-in-summer mood, I have no choice but to do some uni work. Hmmm, maybe spiders aren't so bad in comparison.

I only have about one more meeting with Mandy left. We discussed some of the concerns I had with my piece yesterday so I can tighten it up and send it back over again. Fifth draft, sheesh. She's been really excellent through all of this actually. She's completely supportive and soothes my neurotic insecurity about my writing. I've been really lucky to have a prolific writer with real standing within the community as my supervisor.

I went shopping afterwards, finally got those denim shorts and skinny black jeans. Not the Levis though since the style they had wasn't what I was after, but I did get a pair of Lee Riders that are just gorgeous. I know black jeans are really not in this season but I don't care, you should always have a pair of black jeans on hand. Plus, they look amazing with the black and white slingback gladiator-esque heels I bought the other day. Myer is a stock-less wasteland, not quite sure what's happening there. I was quite frustrated by the lack of pretty much anything decent in the shops, but that is not really an uncommon occurrence. I found a nice white t-shirt (to go with the jeans, see?) at Dangerfield that has a print of the James Dean pic that inspired 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' as well as a quote from 'Catcher in the Rye.' I suspect it may be a guy shirt but as per usual I care very little.

The aim for the next two days is to make headway on my exegesis argument. Tomorrow, I'm breaking midday to see Final Destination. I'm not quite sure how I got talked into that.

Music: Every breath you take - The Police
Mood: Grossed out