If you want flowers you can by a bouquet

Today I was alerted to the fact that it's been a decade since The Matrix was first released. It really doesn't feel that long. Ah, The Matrix, remember when it was the height of cool and people ran around in long black coats and shades, when we realised that Keanu really did his best playing someone not quite human, and that there was no situation that couldn't be enhanced with a "Missster Anderson." Then there's the conspiracy theories, whispers of "If this really was the matrix..." Ah 1999, you were good to us.

In honour of this, I present lego Matrix, not to be confused with lego Darth Vader. This is something completely different:


This is it in frame with the original.

Anyway, here are two random photos! The first one is of the new notebook, nicknamed Sheldon but networked and registered as Torchwood Four. The second is a t-shirt I couldn't resist buying which arrived today, just in time to be a birthday present to myself.





I know, my life is just so exciting, isn't it?

Music: I want to know your plans - Say Anything
Mood: Writing, writing, writing

I see a bad moon rising

The key to really enjoying a film is to go into it with absolutely no expectations and with a good sense of humour (because ok maybe you have the expectation that it is going to suck, whatever). Last night I saw New Moon with Em and her boyfriend, who was by far more into it than either of us. Really, his enthusiasm is adorable. For those who live under a rock, it is the second film of four based on the immensely popular Twilight novels written by Stephenie Meyer, and is all about vampires and werewolves but without the pesky constraints of horror convention and tradition.

Amazingly enough, I actually enjoyed this movie. In my opinion, it was much better than the first one. This is probably in no small part due to the fact that Cedric is barely in it. Minimal stuttered dialogue and lack of chemistry topped with pained facial expressions mean less eye-rolling for me. Yay! Taylor Lautner, who of course plays Jacob Black, surprised me by out-acting virtually everyone. He is the most natural and most believable of the lot of them. Save perhaps Alice, who is adorable. Jasper has maybe all of two lines and still stands around like he's been caught in headlights, but it's Jasper so who cares - plus I loved his final line. The Laurent scene in the meadow was comic relief, though I doubt that was intended. He said something that sent me into a fit of giggles but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was. Nobody else really warrants any attention...oh except that Mike character, man he's annoying. I mean he was annoying in the books, but he's just moron level of annoying now. Oh, I also realised Em and I totally have a thing for Carlisle though. Every time he came on screen (which is not nearly often enough) we'd both just sigh happily.

I know Lizzie for one will disagree with me here, but I actually love the Volturi. They have an edge of creepiness that's generally lacking in this franchise. I thought they captured the vibe I got from them in the books perfectly, with the other two being alternately deathly bored and unamused, while Aro just runs around all gleefully. It's amusing. While he is not a reflection of my mental image of Aro, I think Michael Sheen did a great job with what little he had to work with. Also, Dakota Fanning as Jane is just perfect. I would love to see more of them, especially her "brother" Alec...for no other reason other than he's adorable. So if we could have him, Jasper and Carlisle in the back of every scene, I will stop complaining about how much Cedric is ruining everything.

Seriously, not once while reading the books did I ever think "Man I wish someone would take out Edward." Jake yes, Bella yes, never Edward. But watching the films I catch myself thinking that quite often. That's why I shall forever refer to him as Cedric, for he is not, nor shall he ever be, anything remotely close to the Edward in my head. Ugh why couldn't we have had Tom Sturridge or Gaspard Ulliel or something? I'm sure there's an unknown actor out there that would have done a great job much like Taylor. I am sorry that I keep picking on the guy, really I am. In the back of my head I know that I should give him a break...but I just can't seem to help myself.

But I digress. The point is, I did not loathe this and I may even watch it again when it comes out on DVD - something I certainly never felt like doing with the first one. So yes, by all means go see it and bring your own opinion on the hype. Just don't expect anything and it'll be fine.

Meanwhile, I've started watching The Avengers and I love it way more than I really should. It's on at 1am on Fridays and it just cracks me up.

Music: Resistance - Muse
Mood: Sleepy

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered

I am feeling emo about NaNoWriMo (convenient that it kind of rhymes). I don't like failing things, it drives me ever so slightly loopy. It gnaws at me. That's why I have this terrible habit of not pursuing things I am not immediately good at, I cannot stand the possibility of failing so I don't even try. That's the odd twist of my perfectionism.

My perfectionism is also what is making this so hard. I'm self-editing and thinking too much as I go along, wasting time over where to break sentences, and whether to include a comma there or not. It's counterproductive to just getting the damn story out there. I keep telling this to myself and yet my brain keeps going "yes, yes, in a minute." Now I need 19,000 words to end this madness and I have what, 5 days left.

I'm annoyed more than anything. I don't do failure. I don't do not reaching word limits. After everything I've managed to do this year, am I really going to let a little bit of creative writing get the better of me? Creative writing, for crying out loud, it's supposed to be my playground.

The answer is no, I am not. NaNoWriMo thinks it can upset me and keep me down, well it clearly doesn't know me very well.

Music: Hum Hallelujah - Fall Out Boy
Mood: Determined

We're all in the gutter

I guess we all think we grow up, but some things you can never outgrow. It's coded into the very essence of you. Most of the time that's a comfort, but some nights it just feels like a prison.

There used to be a blog I'd read that tended to reflect melancholy nights like these when there's nothing but my own mediocre existence buzzing through my thoughts. In a way I suppose I was in love with the boy who wrote it. Not for the real person he (is)was, or the way he acted, or who he pretended to be. Just the simple words, on the other side of the keyboard, sitting in front of a screen when he should have be sleeping. Friends will say now "you had such a crush on him" but it was never him, it was just the words. The outpouring of the inner self of a depressive, insomniac, compulsive, control freak who acknowledged when the world overwhelmed him, both in the good and the bad. It alternately gave me something to think about, and something to grab hold of. Sometimes it just simply kicked my own thoughts back into drive - I would just write. Most of the time it was just the disconcerting familiarity that existed when someone seemed to mirror and capture your own thoughts so perfectly, that you would no longer feel alone or unique, and you didn't whether that was good or bad.

That blog no longer exists. I'm sure the words still do though, even if they're no longer meant for prying eyes. I can understand that. Growing up, after all. But I'll always remember. Maybe that will be enough. Though I'll always be missing that little something that complimented me so perfectly, when I knew it didn't matter whether I had a reason to feel what I feel or whether I could even put a name to it, because he knew what it was like.

I say this now because I'm teetering on the edge of recognition. I can feel it in the back of my mind, beyond this weird melancholy that came uninvited and stayed for dinner. The words and the feelings are churning around, a dull press against my eyes. All it takes is a well placed phrase and they'll come spilling out without rhyme or reason, paragraph or punctuation. Just images and phrases. Somewhere in there I recognise that I shouldn't need this push off the proverbial cliff. I shouldn't need a spark from someone else to set this night on fire. It'll happen by itself eventually, no doubt. Something will catch my eye, free my imagination and let the words flow. I just know this would be easier if that blog was still around, and this night would seem a little more productive with an end game for the whole tortured artist routine.

i am a wing and a prayer
ill give you heatstroke
you and i
gave our lives to strange times
ill take your sun
ill shake your son
and make him shine on you
ill sing all of your favorite songs
one more time
out of tune

Music: Across the universe - Rufus Wainwright
Mood: Pensive

In which a day of procrastination is revealed

NaNoWriMo is going poorly. I really need to stop bloody procrastinating. Yet here I am. Fail.

It doesn't particularly help that I'm so beyond tired all the time, I don't know what's wrong with me. Yawn after yawn, it's annoying. I spent my afternoon napping on the couch.

I know I've mentioned it before, but Lie to Me really is a great show. I am surprised it doesn't get more hype. I've also started watching Better off Ted which is amusing in that 30 Rock kind of way.

I started reading the first one of the last batch of TW novels last night, 'Risk Assessment' by James Goss. You may remember him from my mention of his other TW novel, the crack-fest 'Almost Perfect'. Though I am only four chapters in, I think it is safe to say that out of all the Torchwood novelist, James Goss probably has the firmest handle on the demographic he is writing for. Out of all of them, his work also reads the most like fanfiction and seems to stumbled a little over the fine line of crack-territory that sci-fi often toes. All this is fine however because James Goss, as it turns out, knows how to entertain. Besides, I do so love intertextuality and he does it so well. The man's chapter headings! Honestly, I would not have believed chapter headings could be so joyful if I had never seen his. I though the status-update 'Almost Perfect' ones would never be topped, but those in 'Risk Assessment' comes pretty close:

Bleeding Heart Yard: In which something quite remarkable must account for herself, there is sad mention of a submarine, and the domestic skills of Mr Jones are brought into question.

Moving In Society: Containing the Children of Emo, an adventure in a horseless carriage, and Miss Havisham's brief career as an exotic dancer.

Is it particularly well-written? I don't even know. I don't even care. I do know it's amusing however.

I really need to do something about how easily amused I am. Also, I fear I am a disappointment to academia considering my lack of respect for any boundaries of supposed high and low brow culture. It's all fair game to me.

This book talk actually dovetails nicely with the conversation I had with Miss L this morning which alluded to the question whether canon was something to be respected, or something more malleable that can be tested and changed. It came on the back of your discussion about a quote from everyone's favourite megalomaniac regarding the Whoniverse and the whole number of regenerations issue.

I find it interesting to think about these things, not only as a viewer/reader/responder, but from a writer's perspective as well. Personally I feel that it is vital to consider your responders when you are composing something within an existing format. A whole world has already been created and though you may not particularly like it, you are still bound to the laws of that world. If you want to go nuts and do your own thing, you have to start a different verse, do an AU, or just come up with your own original creations. Thus we have comic books - so many variations of the same thing, all tweaking the rules ever so slightly as they go. It's an indefinite number of worlds out there.

Again I can only comment on what I personally prefer, but I am such a stickler for details, when someone makes a throw-away comment in a show, even if it is just a single line, I expect it to be adhered to within the limitations of that show...or book, whatever really, it's all the same. To me it's canon, and so I expect a level of consistency to be carried for the duration. I mean sure you can come along three years later and say a genie appeared from a lamp and made it all go away [Lizzie is thinking "A wizard did it!" - yeah I know, I'm in your head, creepy huh?], but that's just sloppy and totally compromises immersion in said fictional world. You can't just run round making stuff up as you go along, alright yes it's fiction, but you're still working within existing parameters and so surely there is some responsibility to stick to them. Otherwise nothing means anything and that is not fair on the audience. How can someone maintain trust in something that constantly changes to suit its needs? There are ways for this to be circumvented I suppose, but I don't think one should enter into such means lightly.

I'm not talking about, you know, who shot JR and it all being a dream anyway, or other miraculous re-appearances from characters who have been killed (that's simple Back From The Dead tactics, an old stand by in entertainment and a definite case of never say never), I'm more concerned with major things that impact upon your protagonist and form part of the audience's basic understanding of how the fictional world works. It's like saying actually Tony's family never cut him off, or Larry never truly went into space. Elements of what make the characters who and what they are, shape the world in which they exist. Or, to perhaps stretch the image a bit thinly, it's like finding out Batman was actually an alien all along. Changing the fundamental make-up of the character will change everything, not only for the future, but also how the past is viewed.Take one from the other, and you risk cheapening the whole experience.

What did I say yesterday about straying completely into geekdom? In the words of Comic Book Guy - But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills, you're from two different worlds! Oh, I have wasted my life.

So, any opinions? Think it's alright to tamper with existing mythology to suit your own aims as creator? Or should you sacrifice your "creative vision" to adhere to the world that already exists?

Music: Little Dreamer - Future Islands
Mood: Sore

I just don't know what to do with myself

You know you have really strayed into full-blown geekdom the day you no longer think it would be weird to buy say a R2-D2 Peppermill, and instead believe everyone will think it is totally cool. I found myself thinking that this surely was the height of kitchen coolness and so, dear readers, I have stumbled well and truly from part-time dabbler into Big Bang Theory nerdom. I'm a comic book addiction away from the point of no return.

...and I love it.

Sigh.

A homo habilis just discovering his opposable thumbs says what?

Meanwhile, I noticed in the paper this morning that Harvey Norman were having a laptop sale, so of course I go have a look. Now honestly, I didn't need to. This laptop, while being unable to run live messenger, having sound card problems, a wonky cd drive, periodic crash dumps, and a screen that blacks out whenever it chooses, is actually still working fine. I cannot justify purchasing a new laptop.

I still did though. I love, love this HP Pavilion I've had the last three years, it's gorgeous and has a 15.4" widescreen and full sized keyboard that has served me well. Now I've gotten a superlightweight HP Pavilion dm3 Notebook, which is only 13.3 inches and it's taking some getting used to. There's not nearly as much space to work with and of course all my desktops are way too big now. That said it's probably going to be better for taking around with me to uni and such. Plus I could only get a 13" or 16" and higher, the laptop bag my friends had made for me only takes up to 15.6" and hell, I haven't even used it yet, I'm not going to get a laptop that doesn't fit.

Anyway yes. Now I have a new laptop. Why don't people stop me from doing this to myself?

I'm doing the set-up as I type this. Oh god I hate change...

Music: The whir of the fan
Mood: Annoyed

I'm not one for lovesongs

Just saw the teaser from the next Doctor Who special. Epic glee. I seriously should not experience such joy at the return of my favourite lunatic, especially not when it promises Ten's demise, but I can't help it. I just love John Simm's Master and cannot wait to see what new madness he will bring with him this time.

In unrelated news, stumbled upon this on the movie blog I read:

Summit Entertainment announced today that "New Moon" completely trounced midnight opening records by "Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince" ($22.2 million) and "The Dark Knight" (previous record holder with $18.5 million) by taking in a whopping $26.27 million in midnight screenings from 3,514 theaters last night. Predictions for box-office receipts this weekend are ranging in the $90-$100 million range which is outrageously good numbers if they can hit those targets and pretty good indication that no matter how much critics and many adults hate "Twilight" it is here to stay.

Wait, whaaaat? How did it do better than The Dark Knight? I mean come on, seriously? And alright, I haven't seen it yet but I will at some point provided someone is going with me since I can't very well go by myself, but my expectations are about as low as they were for the second Transformers movie. Just the thought that it is put in the same frame of reference as the Dark Knight is a bit laughable really. I mean hell, that had Christian Bale (who I'd back against Cedric any day) and a brilliant performance by Heath Ledger. There was excellent cinematography, dramedy, explosions, a great score, facial expression...aaaah I am so petty, I'll stop. The New Moon reviews have been less than promising. I'm always a bit sceptical when it comes to this because often reviewers will just hate something because they expect they should hate it. It's not really about the actual output at all. The whole Twilight franchise gets so much crap, people just mock if because that's the expected thing. That said, I've heard a couple of fans saying that it isn't as good as the first one. Now in my humble opinion the first one was rather ridiculous, so I'm concerned where we can go from there.

This is from another review:

We're the first to admit that we're not the target audience for "New Moon" (you know, because we have taste and aren't swooning teenage girls). But there's playing to your base, and there's making a bad film, and this is more a case of the latter. Even teenage girls (who have previously been responsible for the success of Hanson and "Saved by the Bell") are too smart for this movie. And if they're not, we're in trouble as a species.

Promising, isn't it? I really don't understand why these movies aren't better. I don't know if it's the casting, the direction, the script or just a basic problem with the source material. So the books aren't exactly prize winning literature, but they still had a spark about them that made it readable and enjoyable enough to spawn such a rabid fanbase, and that is clearly not translating. It probably has something to do with the books having a heavy internal reflection going on that can't really be carried into film. I have half a mind to try and script them myself just to see if it can be done properly.

Yes, that is delusions of grandeur you sensed in that last line. Studying a semester of screenwriting and watching Adaptation does not qualify such throw-away lines. But hey, I may be bored sometime, you never know.

Anyway, I'm revelling in the breeze and my freedom from the evils of air-conditioning. It makes me feel so sick, it's insane. Meanwhile, they're predicting 49 degrees for the inner west tomorrow. Beach, yes/yes?

Music: The world has its shine - Cobra Starship
Mood: Lazy

Left a week to roam

Some days you wake up and you just know you'd be better off staying in bed. There's a feeling that makes your muscles twitch with the promise of tension and your synapses fire discontent. You know it's not going to go well. Today has been one of those days. It's been trying. Oh so very trying.

Work this morning was all sorts of hell since the other receptionist doesn't seem to understand the basic principle of not double booking patients. Or entering data correctly. I'm supposed to be sympathetic because she's busy. Yes, well, I had 14 patients in, most already grumpy thanks to the heat, while also managing to not only fix the incorrect entries, but actually do my own paperwork as well. As I've said many, many times, this job is not rocket science. It's admin, filing, answering phones. In the future, monkeys will be doing it. Or robots. Perhaps monkey robots...whatever, the point is, it's not that difficult so focus and stop making more work for me.

I'm also quite tired of people acting so high and mighty about their degrees, and then they all end up studying teaching anyway. Oh yes, well done. On that note, I don't want to teach, alright? So kindly stop suggesting it. I know that my degree is generally rather useless, and even when it is of value it is in a hugely competitive area (and I've realised that I will generally be competing for jobs with my friends. Car pool for interviews guys?) but I'd still rather slum around before I teach. Just because I can do it, doesn't mean I should. I'd be a terrible teacher, plus I'd constantly want to kill them. I may possibly be a better uni tutor, but I am likely to instruct people to google something when they ask me a question. But this is all besides the point, I don't want to be a teacher! Bah.

I'm now feeling completely deflated. If anyone wants me, check the dark corners, I'm coming home.

This is the story of your red right ankle
And how it came to meet your leg
And how the muscle, bone, and sinews tangled
And how the skin was softly shed

And how it whispered “Oh, adhere to me
For we are bound by symmetry
And whatever differences our lives have been
We together make a limb.”
This is the story of your red right ankle.

This is the story of your gypsy uncle
You never knew ‘cause he was dead
And how his face was carved and rife with wrinkles
In the picture in your head.

And remember how you found the key
To his hide-out in the Pyrenees
But you wanted to keep his secret safe
So you threw the key away.
This is the story of your gypsy uncle.

This is the story of the boys who loved you
Who love you now and loved you then
And some were sweet, some were cold and snuffed you
And some just laid around in bed.

Some had crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some had crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart
This is the story of the boys who loved you
This is the story of your red right ankle.

Music: Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists
Mood: Tense and upset

Sleep in peace when the day is done

In the last week or so, it has come to my attention that the following bands will be gracing our shores this summer:

Grizzly Bear
The Decemberists
Camera Obscura
Biffy Clyro
The View
Brand New
The Dead Weather
Spinnerette
Them Crooked Vultures
Cobra Starship

There is also major festival sidehows by Calvin Harris, AFI, MCR, Placebo, etc etc. I'm still holding out for a Muse sideshow too. Possibly also The Killers.

I don't know what to do. At roughly $80 a pop, I cannot possibly go to all of them. It's an utterly depressing thought considering the gig drought 2009 turned out to be. Why must I be denied these brief moments of happiness? Sigh.

Clearly I need to turn to a life of crime. Added incentive comes in the form of the Sydney Festival which this year is also hosting a great number of plays including Hamlet. Meanwhile te Sydney Theatre Company are putting on a production of Chekov's Uncle Vanya starring Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving and Richard Roxburgh which I obviously have to attend. I mean come on.

I still haven't managed to get rid of this extra Soundwave ticket. Grumps. Everyone says they don't like going to festivals. Uh and I do? Make no mistake, I loathe it with every fibre of my being, but the line-up people! The line-up. I suppose if you're not into it, shelling out a stupid amount to do something you don't like is pretty insane. I can't hold it against anyone. Still doesn't change the fact that I have a spare ticket to offload though.

I'm really going to make an effort to enjoy summer in the city this time around.

But anyway, I suppose that is neither here nor there. Back to NaNoWriMo.

Music: Feeling good - Muse
Mood: Working

Unravelling the mystery that all started with a big bang

Hola Nerdmigos! I can say that as Lizzie came over today so we could indulge in that age old practice of Doctor Who fangirling. Bless the internet. They didn't really think I was going to wait until December to see it, did they? Fail, Australian television, fail.

Firstly, I got a lovely surprise at 7am this morning when my birthday present from Abbi arrived. I think this means I have now received all my birthday presents, and it's still ten days until my actual birthday. Roze and Em have had the custom Crumpler laptop bag made for me, which I don't actually have yet but it's ready and regularly flailed over. My parents had this custom canvas print made from a photo I took because I always wanted to buy the Eiffel Tower one at IKEA. It now hangs above my bed. Lizzie got me lots of lovely things on her travels, including a cute red and black skull scarf. Now Abbi has concluded the fangirl gifts with a Ianto figure as well as earrings and tights. I'm more than content.

Then, of course, there was The Waters of Mars. Hello creepiness! I think that space suit should get some sort of prize for best supporting costume, although as Lizzie pointed out, it's only ever in creepy episodes. The main thing I got from it was how much resentment I harbour at the whole thing in general. Blergh. Children of Earth ruined everything. I know I shouldn't be like this, I know it. You know, intellectually and all that, I can see that I should be able to separate things. But I can't do it. I just can't. I'm not even getting as antsy and worked up as I previously would have because COE took it out of me. Now I love the Doctor, I really do. Not to mention that I love Ten, I'm going to be terribly sad when it's all over for him. I still kind of wanted to slap him when he got all power happy in the end there. I was just like...gah. It's because you fucked around with timelines that we're in this mess in the first place. That bit in the middle, when he was talking about Pompeii? Yeah I know what you did there, creators, I've read all your stupid interviews so I'm going to read into subtle subtext and kind of hate you for it.

See, I suppose my problem is that I was always more of a Torchwood fan before I was a Who fan. I know I'm in the minority and don't get me wrong, I adore Doctor Who so very much, but something about TW just clicked with me in a way few things do. If they made me choose between the two after season 1, I would have chosen TW. So I have a lot of resentment stored up, and I must say I resent it even more now that I know it's translating. Because I can't look at the Doctor without kind of blaming him for everything. Which is irrational, I know. But there you go. Mostly I just level my feelings of animosity at RTD *scrunches nose*

Still, I'm excited for the next one, The Master! Yessssssssssssssss.

God I am such a pathetic geek loser. Ah well. Such is my lot in life.

To compliment that sentiment, we watched the first seven or so episodes of The Big Bang Theory to round off the afternoon. I love that show so much. Sheldon! Hee. My mum calls it my Torchwood rebound relationship. She's probably right, although this one never causes any angst.

I'm now weighing up working on NaNoWriMo versus catching up on all the other things I haven't watched recently, like Merlin.

Man I really am a geek. Forget it, I'm going to go hang out at the comic book store.

Music: Hey Jude - The Beatles
Mood: Geeky