Chasing comets with a butterfly net

I am heartbroken at the moment. Well no, not heartbroken really, it's more...I don't even know how to explain it. I'm bursting. I'm splintering. I stand in awe. Love is beautiful and love hurts, regardless of the forms it comes in. I just feel so overwhelmed by this realisation.

Your obsessions will kill you.

Even as my heart was aching, I met Em in the city last night and we headed for the Marriot Hotel. We had their dessert buffet for dinner, it was beautiful. Any time you can get away with having limitless amounts of cheese cake, tiramisu, scones, black forrest cake, creme brulee, and lollies for dinner, you know you did something right. We sat there for three hours, with our bottles of Evian and lattes and desserts. Later we went downstairs and sat in the lounge letting the grand piano work its magic. Decadence. It never hurts. I need to see her more, we are always so easy together.

It was really windy last night so it didn't go on too long. I got home before midnight and let the emotions do what they want. There is a certain kind of restfulness that comes from crying yourself to sleep. It's an exhaustive, all consuming darkness. I haven't slept that deeply in weeks.

So now I'm at work, thoughts ticking over slowly in my headache head. I'm restless, like an itch I can't scratch, like I need a hit. I'm completely overwhelmed, on the verge of tears every few seconds, choking back these inexplicable sobs that have no real place here. But I'm happy...in that tragic sort of way.

It's all very bizarre, I'm not quite sure what to make of it all. By tomorrow it'll probably be gone, back to normal, but I kind of don't want it to.

I get so bored, everything is working out just fine. I have to get tangled in something, tangled in something. I can't help myself.

Music: Stars in their eyes - Armor For Sleep
Mood: Overwhelmed



[Edit: After discussing the blowout of the scope of my emotions with Abbi, I’ve realised that this is probably what they call in the writing business, a “coming of age” moment. This is one of those moments were you know things have changed, and they won’t ever be quite the same cause you have this new knowledge, this new experience. A new way of seeing things. I’m probably a bit late having this moment, but that’s not the point. It’s still valid. It’s all part of "growing up” as they say. This is the first real “lightbulb” moment I think I will be able to fully recall. It doesn’t make the feeling any less weird, but whatever.]