It is significantly cooler today and, even better, there's the promise of rain. Overcast days! Who would have thought I'd ever be happy about that? The bushfires in Victoria are completely out of hand. It's quite depressing really. I'm just thankful NSW have avoided it so far. Touch wood. The worst thing about it is that most of the fires have been deliberately lit, and when they manage to put one out, someone restarts it again. What kind of sick behaviour is that? I love a bit of fire as much as the next person, but this is utterly devastating. Last I heard the death toll was at 104. It's just incomphrensible.
Lizzie was over last night. We were meant to go to Macbeth but it was in the park and with the heat and wind, I just wasn't up for public transport and then sitting outside. We went to see an advance screening of Rachel Getting Married instead. It features what has to be the weirdest wedding ever, I am still perplexed by the lack of theme. It wasn't quite what I expected, but it was good.
I am trying to build up the will to go to work. It's hard. I really don't want to.
I'm a bit at a loss right now. Floating and directionless, not tied to anything and not knowing how to really deal with what I am actually feeling. I can't explain it, cause I can't really explain it to myself. I think my mum finally understood something the other day, something about why I do what I do, why I get into things the way I do, heart and soul. Even if it's not forever, I never regret anything I do at the height of that passion, it all forms part of who am I am, part of how I see myself. It's a tapestry of experiences, while maybe not conventional or practical, it gives me a sense of meaning. I guess it's the same thing some people have with their tattoos.
I have these moments of illumination but they're so fleeting, before I can really grasp them, they're gone again. Drives me mad sometimes.
I really, really, really need to start working on Soliloquy or I'm going to be pushing myself something severe. If I can just do a chapter a week like I said I would, I'd be done by June. Which gives me an entire semester to edit and re-write if necessary and do the exegesis. Stupid honours. Requiring me to use my brain.
WHY is my damn iTunes constantly "determining song volume"? It started suddenly the other day and it keeps trying to do. Stop wasting my time! Gah.
Tea and brownies. That's what I need. Solves everything...at least for a little while.
Music: Don't Forget - Martha Wainwright
Mood: Confused
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