Missing the Alice to my Bella

Work was a nightmare this morning. I have a headache of doom and I want to kill people who talk in riddles. Just tell me what you want, I can't guess. I'm also tired of being yelled at over the phone, thank you very much. I don't care about your he-said-she-said nonsense, I am not made out of referals! Twpsyn! Tell someone who cares.

Why do the things I say always come back to bite me in the ass? Like this whole "let's be more social!" thing. It's wet, I'm tired, I want to be left to my own devices. But no. Smart assed Jen has to go to a party.

Have I mentioned that I hate parties quite a lot? I'm the worst 21 year old ever.

Sigh. I am just not in the mood. Especially seeing as I won't know anyone there, well except maybe four people. I also just realised we're probably going to be listening to hip hop all night.

It's just so much effort, I have to do my nails, and blow dry my hair, and pick an outfit...ah damn it. The weather is not conducive to outfit picking, I absolutely loathe it when it's like this. Which is possibly a major part of my foul mood. It's raining and humid, that tropical sort of weather, which drives me mad. If it's raining, I prefer it to be cold and grey, and if it's humid, I like it to be accompanied with sun. This bizarre mixture of the two is just too much for me. I can't decide whether I want to wear a dress, or skirt and tights, or just stick with the jeans. The most pressing concern is whether I will need a jacket - rain says yes, humidity says no - and this need dictates pretty much all my wardrobe choices. My cowboy boots are disintegrating so I can't wear them, which is completely depressing - I know it's weird but those shoes give me so much confidence. They're my Beckett boots! Paired with the William jeans, all is well in the world! Sigh. AND I can't even wear my black jeans since I still haven't fixed them so - william jeans, red jeans, skinny grey jeans, or just...jeans jeans. BAH. A closet full of clothes and nothing that makes me happy. I'm a spoiled brat.

But I've made the commitment and I shall follow through on it. Besides, usually things you didn't look forward to are the enjoyable things (mostly because it couldn't possibly be worse than you expected, but this is not the time for my pessimism). I know Roze is feeling similarly disaffected so at least I'll have company. It all depends on how good it gets I suppose.

Plans for tomorrow currently involve a Torchwood marathon over at Roze's place. We have a system, she harrasses me about the Whendonverse, and I harrass her about the Whoniverse. Our common ground is Firefly. She's still trying to get me into Buffy which I never really took to while it was on air...which is typical of me and tv shows. It's kind of funny since neither of us were really into sci-fi until I became a Star Wars nerd, a path she shortly followed on. But anyway, I am confident I can get her into Torchwood. If channel ten weren't so retarded with their scheduling, she would have been in on it already. Besides, she's the Queen of innuendo...she'll at least appreciate it for that.

You know, even though I've spent half this post complaining and alluding that I want to do nothing, I don't actually want to do nothing. It's all frustration really. I am so tired of all of this *waves hand in all encompasing sort of way* Real life, you know. It's exhausting and just...uninteresting. Abbi's right, I so totally would run off and join the circus.

Everything has just gotten so...complacent? resigned? I don't know, but whatever it is, I don't like it.

Swear to shake it up if you swear to listen.

Anyway. Better shut up. An outfit won't assemble itself.

Music: I love rock & roll - Joan Jett
Mood: Discontent (I cannot use that word without mentally going "Now is the winter...")