And all that jazz

Well. Clearly I am in way over my head with this whole Honours thing. But damn it, I shall prevail! All I need is a pass after all, and surely, surely, I can manage that. Huh. I forsee a lot of head meet desk moments.

So yesterday's class...not quite what I expected. For one thing, we total a whole four students. Such staggering numbers, I know. It also appears that the proposals we submitted last year meant nothing. Which is a bit disconcerting since I was thinking that if it got accepted, then surely I was ok, but no, this is apparantly just another technique for lulling you into a false sense of security. There is enough theory in this to bloody drown in. I have to find examples of the theory we're doing every week to support my interpreation of it. The fact that there are only three other people in the class means I am really going to have to work at it, since there's no way for me to blend into the background like I usually do. Participation is unavoidable. Of course, I have no idea what's going on. I managed to BS my way through yesterday simply by going on about things I'd studied in the past and heard in passing. Abbi's talk of 'Everything is Illuminated' was a total life saver. So now I'm going to have to read a lot of post-modern and experimental novels, not to mention Proust. Oh and Sebald. Sigh.

Today. Oh dear god, today. Started off with a fabulous first impression by being late. I only got out of work at quater to, and the Doc was less than imrpessed with me for that. I don't know what else I can do *shrugs* Anyway, everyone who does Honours is in this class and we had to go around talking about what we're doing and then fall into groups with people of similar inclination. I am the only one doing something wholly creative based. The lecturer made me feel very secure in this by stating it as "worrying." Thanks. You do wonders for my confidence. I am now thinking the entire thing is going to have to be re-worked. The underlying principle will stay the same - same basic story, same characters - but I think I'm going to have to go all post-modern and existential on it to make it fit within the strict word limit while still conveying the issues of narrative form, and the notions of 'truth' and 'identity' within a technology and celeberity obsessed modern society. At the moment I'm thinking of going all out on the disjointed, broken fiction angle throwing in things that really influence the preception of identity within modern culture such as headlines, facebook status', twitter updates, blogs, msn conversations, text messages....all that sort of things. So Phee's point of view is presented in a straight out narrative form that jumps in short bursts, while being continually interrrupted by all these outside influences, juxtaposing who she is, and how she actually interacts with her world, against the perception of her by others. THUS: it's an experiment of narrative structure explored through a girl's struggle for identity within a society that imposes its own conceived notions of who she is upon her. So I guess in a weird way, the actual shape and form of the text itself is a metaphor for the underlying story. Then it all relates back to whether there really is a way to exhibit 'truth' and 'identity' within text and whether the notion of 'identity' or a 'true self' even exists. Can you resolve the person you think you are with the person everyone thinks you are? There is no such thing as a pure truth.

And so forth.

I dont know. I'm just rambling, trying to get it all out. I think that could work though. I'd do my exegsis on the changes and subversions to narrative form, and how it is a means of reflecting the story. The text becomes part of the message. Like that whole concrete poetry deal. I'd also consider how this relate to the notions of 'truth' and 'identity' not only within text itself, but within modern society as a whole. So if I was to sum it up, I guess it would be "everyone knows everyone, but does everyone really know anyone?" Ha. I can talk in circles! Surely this must mean it's academically sound. I've never read anything in this field that has made even the tiniest bit of sense. Look at Heidegger and his bloody "thinging"!

Tomorrow it's off to Cultural Studies, which is always a royal pain. But it's the only thing that vaguely relates to my topic, so I'm stuck with it. Place. Blah. Well I guess I was going to do that scene where Phee goes to visit the site of the plane crash...and she does keep moving around cause she doesn't feel at home anywhere. That's place related...sorta. Not that it matters I suppose. The story is not going to make any sense in any traditional way.

I have so much bloody research and reading and crap to do though. I feel like I'm lightyears behind everyone else.

On the bright side, all this scrambling about trying to make my story fit the newly imposed limits means I can do the full novel version of Soliloquy for my masters instead. Either way, that novel will be written, damn it. Whether in an academic context or when I have some time to myself, it will be done.

Completely random tangent - Martin is insane.

If Ryan from Yellowcard has gone and started a new band, does that mean Yellowcard are no more? That would figure, since they haven't been doing anything. Not that I know of. Well...whatever. I swear, you leave these people alone for two seconds and you have no idea what's going on anymore.

Also, Keaton Ari Danger Lazzara? Really? Billie Joe got there first with the whole 'danger is my middle name thing', ya know.

Now, for no apparant reason, here is Spin magazine's list of proposed rock star benefits from the US stimulus plan. I have a soft spot for Spin since they gave me the wonderful phrase: "The iPhone - the stylish way to grow an iTumor in your iBrain." Proving yet again, for posterity's sake, that I am far too easily amused.

Now I'm going to go avoid reality some more...and not do my copious amounts of work.

Sigh. There is no hope for me.

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?"
"I think you can in Europe."

Music: Graceland - Paul Simon
Mood: Frustrated