I've been virtually cocooned in my room all day, I'm waiting for muscle atrophy to set in. Not that I necessarily did any work, most of the time I merely stared out the window. It would have been a gorgeous day if it wasn't so windy and just this side of spring weather. I can't wait for summer, 33 degree days with humidity at just the right level to make you feel like you're warm and snug. No wind to speak off, just calm sunshine, sitting at the beach watching the light on the water and complaining about seagulls and the damn sand. Hanging out with Roze and Em, being too overzealous with sunscreen and getting sand absolutely everywhere with every shake of a towel, fighting a losing battle. I cannot wait for a perfect summers day.
It's hard to focus or to care when clouds are drifting lazily past, all you can do is daydream and think of times you actually felt something. It was brilliant in it's own way I suppose, made the day sort of perfect in some warped way. The effect is ruined at the moment, dusk is turning to evening and I can just see the pitch black outline of the treetops against the rapidly darkening sky. One lone streetlight shines through from the intersection further up. A kookaburra is laughing, the crickets are out in full force near the river, but other than that it's dark and silent. If I really focus, I can hear the faint strains of the television drifting from downstairs though there's no one else home at the moment. It's not the soothing darkness I normally appreciate, there are no stars (yet) and I can't see the moon from my spot either. There's only the odd plane passing overhead.
It's funny how sitting here in the murky darkness (save for the laptop screen) feels perfectly apt. Moving, whether to close the blinds or turn on a light, seems pointless and counterintuitive. So I'm left sitting here wondering where exactly we went wrong this time. Not that it matters, I suppose. It never matters. And I can deal with it as long as I'm left alone.
Still, things did happen that required me to trudge downstairs. The most exciting of these being the delivery of our new coffee machine, a photo of which I posted after my father and I assembled it. Here's the official, non-mobile-phone version:
We made some basic flat whites when mum got home from work, but I think I'll wait until I've got some alone time to mess around with it a bit. Trial and error. It appears to work beautifully though.
Other than that I made some plans to possibly go to the gym next week; I stared at some books thinking about reading them but never actually picking one up; I heard David Tennant is co-starring with Simon Pegg in a black comedy about grave robbers; I ordered a book; I added more things to my Holiday to-do list; I looked at some pictures and found one that was counterproductive to the healing of certain wounds (but then again maybe as Frodo said some wounds never heal and honestly, I think we don't want certain ones to heal, too terrified of what that means, almost like losing something all over again); I thought about taking Oreo for a walk but again couldn't be bothered moving; I cursed the slowness of my internet and gave up because who cares when I can stare at the sky anyway, right?
In retrospect, I should probably have gone to the library this morning. But againt, it really is too hard to care. It's funny how I always feel so much more creative though, too apathetic to do anything, but my mind's going a million miles an hour. It's the strangest thing.
Oreo has just forced herself under my arm and is shaking, so I'm assuming there's a thunderstorm coming. Either that or she's scared of her own shadow, something I don't find very hard to believe. I can't actually see anything out the window anymore. It gets so dark out there, some nights when I take her out I can't even see my own feet.
Speaking of feet, I'm looking for an excuse to wear my new heels. Actually I meant to paint my nails today, that's something I completely forgot about. Because I am clearly just so busy *rolls eyes*
So, as the night settles in and I leave the faintest scratch on the surface of yet another day, I have no choice but to get up, close the blinds, and turn on a light, so I can avoid the uncomfortable questions that accompany this condition. Tomorrow promises an early start, a busy day at work, a trip to the post office, emails, exercise, making dinner, and progress with uni work. Just smile, nod, and fade into the background.
Cyclical. Unavoidable. Routine.
And you'll dance with me
In the rain, maybe
But we won't really mind
In the end we'll find
It was just a dance
And our little romance
It'll fall to dust
But only just
If you dance with me
It'll fall to dust
But only just
If you dance with me
[He didn't - The 6ths]
Music: Jesus Christ - Brand New
Mood: Melancholic
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