Waiting to be found

I wish I could explain to people how busy I am with uni. I mean this is not like undergrad ok, this is a lot more fucking intense. And I'm doing my best to try and fit everything in, but the fact of the matter is, I don't have the time to keep things going like it was. So I make concessions where I can, I try to keep my promises. I cut days I would have spent with my friends into hours, I see a movie here and go home, I stay home all day and only go out at night, I don't stay over for a movie marathon when I promised I would and go home after three movies. I jerk my friends around. Frantic messages that say I don't want to promise anything but that I'll try, and then that I can't make it, and then five minutes later, that fuck it, yes I will be coming, despite my better judgement, because it makes me feel guilty. I am sorry that I have to do this, but I don't have any fucking choice. I am trying. I don't know what more can possibly be expected of me. I've never placed demands on anyone, I've always been very accomodating. I can't really afford to dance around the subject anymore this year. I can't spend all my free time pandering to others' needs, I have to look after myself. So people will just have to put up with me, I don't think it's that much to ask. And if it is, well I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do about it. Deal, or don't. I'm not going to make anymore apologies. I thought people would understand, because I'd be there for them if the roles were reversed. Story of my life really. You give and you give and eventually, the well runs dry.

Music: 21st century breakdown - Green Day
Mood: Grumpy