Mixtape June 09

The songs of choice for this dreaded month of winter.

Anberlin, Dismantle. Repair, I go through phases with Anberlin songs – I just pick one that I listen to continuously for a few days for no apparent reason and then abruptly move on again without a second thought. This was the repeat ad nauseum song for this month. It's not that I hang on every word, I hang myself on what you. It’s not that I keep hanging on, I'm never letting go.

Ludo, Topeka, Still on this one from last month. Worryingly obsessed with it, don’t know why exactly but these things hardly ever make sense.

Fall Out Boy, Headfirst slide into Cooperstown on a bad bet, I love singing along to this as I’m driving to work in the morning. It makes the whole going to work thing seem less painful. Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band? Also, because I’m an idiot, I find intense amounts of glee in this since I’ve made the connection of Cooperstown with Gwen Cooper – and it’s apt! That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Jack’s Mannequin, Bruised, Another song I just love singing along to – really loudly and out of key at that, but still. There’s something almost cathartic in the process. Besides, Andrew McMahon just composes such beautiful, easy melodies.

Cobra Starship, Smile for the Paparazzi, For some reason I always forget how heavy this song actually is, it’s quite deceptive.

Cobra Starship, The world has its shine, This one has recently grown on me. I love the guitar work, and it’s just subtly sweet and yet still fun, as all Cobra’s songs tend to be.

Say Anything, Resounding, God I love this song. I always forget exactly how much, it’s not really quintessential Max in rant mode which he does so brilliantly, but it’s vulnerable and there’s something so honest about it, it makes my heart ache a little. I’m lame I know. You give your trust to those who don't deserve your trust. You put yourself through hell, as you sweat pound for pound, but as the drama fades, tell me what will resound. It’s always been for you, I sing every song for you.

My Chemical Romance, Kill all your friends, This has to be one of my all time favourite b-sides. Ever. A great big perfect sing-a-long chorus that makes it such a shame it’ll probably never be played live.

Green Day, Peacemaker, 21CB song of the month, this one get’s stuck in my head and makes me feel kind of vengefully gleeful. Unsure as to why precisely. Utterly obsessed with the line ’Call up the Captain, death to the lover you were dreaming of’.

All American Rejects, Gives You Hell, This one surely does not need explanation. Easy to relate to, easy to sing along to, easy to enjoy. So much fun.

Timbaland ft She Wants Revenge, Time, From Timbaland’s collaborative album ‘Shock Value’, this tune with alternative/electro duo She Wants Revenge has always been a favourite of mine. They’re quite an odd band so you have to be in the mood for them, but there’s something about this collab that just agrees with me. The rapping contrasts perfectly with the almost monotonous drawl of Justin Warfield's chorus, and I can’t say I really object to the lyrics either.

Muse, New Born, That damn piano intro gets me every time. Every time! That’s why I want to live in it! There’s no tangible, quantifiable way for me to express what that does or is to me.

Mercy Mercedes, Shiver Me Timbers, Last but not least, there’s this pop punk tune which is completely ridiculous and yet so much fun that I can’t help but love it.

Music: Daddy's Gone - Glasvegas
Mood: Perhaps overly fond of Irish Coffee

Hands like secrets are the hardest thing to keep from you

The weather today has been absolutely woeful, I swear the sun forgot to come up this morning. Does. Not. Want. Although it ties in well with the madness that is work at the end of month/end of year. And besides, so many sick people *adorns self with garlic* It would work if they were, you know, vampires.

Anywho, epic headache that's threatening to develop into full blown migraine has been stalking me since yesterday. Not much appreciated since I simply do not have time to worry about migraines right now or to take time off to fester in self-pity as I'm warmly ensconced in a blissfully dark bedroom. Wishful thinking. Although it does look like I have tomorrow and Thursday off, which would be nice as I really HAVE to write something for my thesis.

On the other hand, all my books have arrived thanks to the lovely Book Depository. They were all shipped individually which I find rather amusing, but you know, I feel they could have at least sent them in reading order. As Murhpy's law would have it, the last one in the series of course showed up first.

I have booked my full licence test...best get the thing before they catch me speeding again and leave me stranded. Tomorrow I also need to get our Wicked tickets. Excitement! It feels nice to have tickets on the white board again. All for August though, strangely enough. Avenue Q, AAR, TAI. Wicked will be September, and my Green Day tickets will only be sent out in November. I've got some socialness lined up for this week, CoE next week, and throwing in uni and work into the mix, life's quite busy.

My parents have been married 25 years today. That means they have both officially been together longer than they were ever apart. This slightly terrifies me. As I told them last night, I am amazed they have managed to live this long without killing each other. We were meant to go out to dinner but mum is stuck in traffic...

Oh wait, speak of the devil, she appears to have arrived. Which means somewhere there is a glass of Pinot Grigio with my name on it. Hmmm. Headache and wine, this spells trouble...

Music: Dismantle. Repair - Anberlin
Mood: Headachy

I put myself in these situations

Ah man, what a day. I really want to go to San Diego Comic Con now, just to see the sheer scope and madness of it all cause even on the no doubt smaller scale that is Supanova, I had such a complete blast. Em was an absolutely perfect companion and I think we really made the most of it all and geeked out.

The highlight of the day was defintely Karl Urban, not only did he actually pose for a photo when he noticed me sneakily trying to take one without lining up, but he was all sorts of hilarious in his talk. He's wonderful. I think I fell in love a little. Lots of anecdotes and doing his Star Trek lines, making fun and just in general being a great sport. So yes, very nice experience.

I also got my compulsory Who fangirling in, as if a day passes where I don't find an excuse to do this. I got a pic with a Ten wannabe but later spotted another one who had the crazy Tennant hair but sadly we didn't see him again to grab a pic. There was only the one Whoniverse stall who saw it fit to give me a free 'Planet of the Dead' poster....of the giant fly man. Thanks guys. Really. Just come to think that maybe this was because I am clearly of the Torchwood persuasion of which they were none too keen on, but no, I'm not one for conspiracy theories. I'm sure we all got the stupid fly one, I mean it's not like anyone would actually buy it, they'd have to give it away.

Em and I also sat through the cosplay event/parade/thing hosted by a very annoying guy (I'm sorry, but it's true) as Em wanted to ogle the costumes. The people who had dances/sketches were quite amusing...like a demented sort of talent show. Other people merely posed, but then again I suppose it's meant to be about the costumes not about who's the most entertaining. There was a rather worrying Who sketch on at one point - they had a TARDIS...with legs. It was odd. To be honest, I didn't have a clue who half the people were, not being into anime much. I did seem some random costumes just wandering around the place including Pac-Man and Wally (of Where's Wally? fame). There was also a guy dressed in a giant yellow box...I'm not quite sure what his deal was. Oh, and the Ghostbusters guys! They were brilliant, really awesome costumes.

There was of course a huge Star Wars presence. The most memorable of it all was simply recognising the man playing one of the rebel fighter pilots as the same guy who played the same role at the Powerhouse Star Wars exhibition a couple of months ago. Is this his hobby - going from convention to convention playing a random character? Amusing.

Oh and Dick Bennedict! Whose hair still looks pretty much exactly the same it did in the 70s! Crazy. I had a bit of a glee moment at Em, I mean come on - it's Face! My mum is a bit of an original Battlestar Galactica fangirl, so that teamed with a whole lot of A-Team watching, well I've grown up knowing about him. So it's a bit surreal seeing him there. Although Em was hilarious when she asked if I wanted a photo with the old man. Epic lol.

Everyone seemed to be bashing Twilight at any given opportunity on stage, which I think is kind of sad seeing as they had one of the cast there and she had a huge line most of the time (Rachelle Lefevre who plays Victoria, and who is quite pretty I must say). I think it's become this thing where people are just negative because that's the thing to do you know. I mean, I'm not keen on the movie either, but the sheer extent of the negative response seems to greatly outweigh what is necessarily deserved. If that makes sense...my head hurts, don't expect me to make much sense.

See, I knew that chocolate sundae would come back to bite me in the ass!

Overall though I think it was great fun. We even bought comic books to get into the spirit of it all. Have some random photos - I took the first three, the rest are all Em's, she did a great job capturing the madness.


Ze floor.


Hee! Karl Urban = love.


Who you gonna call...


K9! Affirmative master!


The robot rest area. Note that they even had one of those weird little Imperial droid thingies that are so cute in the movies...well, I think they're cute anyway.


The Force was definitely strong throughout the day.

Conclusion: Geekdom is amazing.

Music: Whoa Oh (Me vs Everyone) - Forever The Sickest Kids
Mood: Amused

Today was a day just like any other

Currently highly amused by a twitter repartee between James Moran and Joe Lidster (both screenwriters who've done some Torchwood/Doctor Who work) following the latter reading about himself on the DW forums. That is always a bad idea, I'm not even famous and I know that. The general gist of this is firmly established in the immortal words of Mikey Way's t-shirt : don't google yourself. But anyway, as I said, it's highly amusing. It seems to have culminated with the tweet - 'are you going to make me dress like Ianto again?' *snorts* The reason I am into this whoniverse deal as much as I am is no doubt because the various minds involved seem to act so much like my friends and I most of the time. We're all on our own looney little planet.

The fact that I need to comment on this says something about the major appeal of twitter being in other people's random conversations. Take all the Perez Hilton drama this past week - there were more than a few celebs getting a stab in, the most prolific by far must have been John Mayer's contribution. Rolling Stone even collected the entire thing. To be honest, Perez should probably just shut up and take it. I mean if you're going to sit around and make snarky comments about other people 99% of the time, you can't be surprised and hurt when those people turn around at the first opportunity to dish back. He's so defenisive which I find amazing. I'm not saying physical violence was necessarily the right course of action, but I just don't think he can innocently play the victim card the way he has. I don't actually follow Perez so I've been getting all this through word of mouth/third parties. I generally puzzle over why exactly he is as popular as he is...I mean, what's his actual point?

Curse of this generation really, isn't it? Bunch of people famous for essentially doing nothing to contribute to society. Like that mad lot off The Hills. The very embodiment of pointlessness.

Anyway...I only really come on to post some lyrics currently stuck in my head. Oh so easily distracted *rolls eyes*

I wake up to find it's another
Four aspirin morning, and I dive in
I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday.
When did society decide that we had to change
And wash a t-shirt after every individual use:
If it's not dirty, I'm gonna wear it.
I take the stairs to the car
And there's fog on the windows.
I need caffeine in my blood stream,
I take caffeine in the blood stream.
I grip the wheel and all at once I realize:
My life has become a boring pop song
And everyone's singing along

Music: I'm ready - Jack's Mannequin
Mood: Geeky

I had been dressed in a coat of armor

Today I :
- Slept till 10.30
- Stayed in bed staring at the ceiling till 11
- Sat up staring at my books till about 11.30
- Dusted/vacuumed
- Admired my paint work
- Amused my hairdresser
- Tentatively negotiated a CoE screening party
- Bought new cowboy boots (feel whole again)
- Helped my dad get an anniversary present for mum
- Recruited Em to go to Supanova tomorrow
- Sorted photos for remaining frames
- Narrowed down choice for Paris canvas print
- Lamented my overstuffed closet
- Read Cosmo (shock horror)
- Fell in love with a Buddhist Punk jacket (severe want)
- Listened to a lot of music

Apathy now dictates I retreat to my room and immerse myself in Brideshead Revisted...oh but first I must charge my camera and my GPS...just in case. After all, you never know when you may need either of those.

Music: Horse and I - Bat for Lashes
Mood: Bored

We all get together when we bury our friends

Out of all the Skins I've watched, the one quote I always come back to is simply "What have we learnt Sidney? You're friends are shitheads." I don't know why. Oh Season 1, nothing compares to you. Yes, you can imagine Sinead O'Connor now if you want.

I'm trying to scrounge up company for either a shopping trip down Oxford street or a stop by Supanova sometime this weekend.

Tomorrow, however, I'm sleeping in for the first morning in far too long. Beware the soul who wakes me before 9.30.

Roze just sent me this link - Buffy meets Edward. I find it quite amusing. Don't get me wrong, I love Edward, but it is well documented that I have little time for Cedric-what's-his-name and he is played like a awkward, slightly creepy teenager in the movie (which is not a vibe I got from the books at all), so yeah. Good giggle.

Music: Kill all your friends - My Chemical Romance
Mood: *sigh*

I taste blood every time I think of summer

Ugh I am so tired and I don't know why. I just can't stop yawning. It doesn't seem fair that I can still be tired after, essentially, spending the week watching television. If I am not expending any energy, why do I still need to sleep?

I finished Small Favour, finally. I enjoyed it much more than White Night, but I still feel like the series is flagging a bit. I found it hard to maintain interest in the beginning and it wasn't until the Aquarium when everything was revealed to be a trap that I really got into it. I like Harry stumbling into things unwittingly and being way out of his league.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy The Dresden Files, and they're still good fun overall. It's just that the character has matured to a point where I sometimes don't find him all that interesting anymore. As Abs noted, I like my men properly fucked up. The Master, Jack Harkness, these are the characters that do it for me. They're damaged and more often than not they go in without thinking things through properly. Harry used to be like that, he was constantly being knocked unconcious, using all his will, getting in fire fights, and having his hand pretty much blown off. I realise that a character has to change otherwise the series would become dull and predictable. But Harry seems so in control and respectable in general now, he plots and is always prepared. So instead of having a situation where he's trapped and you wonder what crazy spell he's going to pull out to get out of it, he has a carefully controlled plan of action. This to me is not nearly as much fun as it used to be. It was all "go go go, don't put the book down" before (Summer Knight being a prime example - by far my favourite of the series), now it's all like "whatever, he's talking and plotting for three chapters, take your time." It's just not grabbing me straight off the bat like it used to. Also, I really don't care about Molly Carpenter. If it wasn't for Mab and the mad faerie courts, I'd have give up on the whole thing halfway through the last book.

Also, I can't believe Michael has given up the Sword! And then gave it to Harry! Not another one! I'm annoyed enough with him still having the first one! Yes, all those exclamation marks are necessary. I still think he should just give the damn sword to Thomas. He might be a Vampire but he fights his demons, has good intentions, and is of "royal" descent. It'd be a nice twist to have a Vampire serve the will of God. There's a strong religious metaphor in there somewhere, but I'm too cold to tease it out.

Speaking of nerdom, as if I speak of anything else, Supanova is on tomorrow and I completely forgot. SIGH. Must not forget about Being Human tonight though.

I have downloaded soooo much music today. Mostly indie. I got a bit despondent looking through my usual sites last night. I've been out of the scene for the last few months and now I hardly recognise any of the names (many of which seem to get more ridiculous with every passing second), it makes me feel too old for all this.

In other news, I must of course acknowledge the passing of Michael Jackson. The first album I ever bought with my own money was Thriller and it was my 11th birthday. I also got my own hi-fi that day...and I think the soundtrack to Grease. What can I say, I was hardcore. Anywho, while it didn't necessarily surprise me to find out he died, I am slightly stunned by the lack of bizarre circumastances around it. I figured it would be something insane. This is all very, well, normal really. Strangely enough, that does make it feel more surreal somehow. Ah well, I'm sure there are lots of people who are really torn up about this, to which I say much sympathies. I cannot imagine how I will cope when one of my favourites passes on one day, I shudder at the thought. I was upset enough when Heath Ledger died.

If we count David Carradine (who perhaps has the monopoly on bizarre deaths for the year) and Farah Fawcett (who I didn't even realise was sick until I caught Ryan O'Neal on E! last week, so that was quite a surprise), that makes three, so is all this over now? I mean, superstitiously things happen in three. The associated media coverage from these things always makes me feel in equal parts sickened and depressed...

Music: Topeka - Ludo
Mood: Sleepy

Come here right now and look at the goddamn moon!

Whoa. This is probably the longest I’ve gone without blogging (when not on holiday/overseas) for a long while. It's kind of sad to acknowledge that, but I do love my blog *huggles* Anyway, clearly I am not dead. I just suddenly had a pseudo social life. I know, it shocks me too. Very enjoyable however.

The weekend was spent with Lizzie. Dinner, Star Trek at the IMAX (which is completely disorientating, the fight scenes work way better at the normal cinema, it’s just too blurry for the IMAX), followed by lounging around in pjs all day. Oh, I had the greatest hot fudge sundae at the Lindt Café that night too. Ice cream with hot chocolate sauce and a brownie at the bottom. I’m drooling at the thought. It was lovely.

Monday I did…nothing. Worked, I suppose. After work Tuesday, I picked Em up and we prepared for a prolonged stay over at Roze’s place. We had a bit of an epic movie marathon fail since none of the attendees thought to bring movies of the theme (the 70s, I think), so we watched episodes of Full House, Get Smart and Torchwood instead. It was so much fun. One of Roze’s uni friends was totally into it too so we had a great time lounging around making snarky comments and indulging in gratuitous Jack/Ianto fangirling. As it should be. Besides, I always love watching other people’s reactions if they're seeing it for the first time. Just…win. Em’s boyfriend came to our supposed rescue with a bunch of his dvds, I think one of which adhered to the actual theme (He had a bunch of war movies such as The Bridge over the River Kwai but I immediately dismissed that one - I have seen it movie more times than is ever, ever necessary.) God love that boy, I cannot believe he puts up with the lot of us.

There was an epic battle of wills trying to decided what to watch, not helped that the first one we eventually agreed on didn’t actually work. In the end, we watched Smokin’ Aces. Which was…confusing. You really have to pay attention and we really weren’t in that mindset – what with all the snarky comments and insane giggling. For me the best part was us all talking, it going silent in the middle, and then suddenly talking again near the end. This is only because three of us fell asleep. It looks like a really good movie though, if you’re into that mob/gangster movie type thing, we just weren’t paying attention. I know we watched something else after that but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was. The entire night was just so utterly hilarious, really. A comedy of errors that extended even to ordering dinner. It defies description.

I sadly had to head home but I returned again early Wednesday morning. As the saying goes, more hilarity ensued. We did better with the movie watching, which was 90s themed – Aladdin, Pulp Fiction, My father the hero, Reality Bites, Now and Then. People came and went, but it really was just such a great few days. Completely relaxing. I unwillingly dragged myself home this morning to paint the hallway – I’m waiting for the first coat to dry so don’t think I’m procrastinating here. It feels as if I haven’t seen my house for ages, which is ridiculous of course. Oreo doesn’t think so though. Well, at least someone’s glad to see me ;)

I see so much has happened in the intervening time. For one thing we finally have a specific UK airdate. Oh, the miracle! I think I might just have a moment of clarity a la Jules in Pulp Fiction. So, since I started my countdown of annoyance, it’s been 34 days *shakes head* At least I can take it down now. Leaving only the countdown of impending doom/Thesis due date to monitor. But let’s not talk about that. Instead, let’s go back to the original point of the miraculous airdate, which means that if there is any justice in the world, we should be getting it here from the 7th till the 11th of June on UKTV. Everyone’s invited to my for a week-long screening party! Wooh! [If they find my body after my dad’s killed me, please make sure that the world knows it was for a good cause].

Despite everything, I can’t believe June is almost over. This blows. I really should start working on that creative piece. Times actually running out. Damn it! I demand a time travelling device of some sort, immediately!

Now I need to go find some chocolate and settle down with some Small Favour. It’s picking up, of which I’m glad. I was mentally preparing a blog regarding my disappointment with the development of the series, but it seems I’ll have to reserve judgement until I finish this. Only a hundred pages. Once that’s done, second coat of paint. Possibly followed by Buffy, making dinner, and sleeping for all eternity. Notice how none of my plans ever include doing research or uni work of any description. I think someone may need to slap me…

P.S. They're making an A-Team MOVIE?? Hahahaha FTW! Article here. Hmm. He’s not nearly pretty enough to play Face, I’m sorry. What is it with people casting supposed pretty roles? Are they all insane? Don’t make me bring out my favourite Cedric/Edward example… Actually, I don't know if this'll work. I mean the A-Team is a classic, absolutely terrible show that doesn't take itself seriously and is just immense amounts of fun because of it. Liam Neeson, ok I can maybe see him as Hannibal, but no one else can be BA, and sheesh, the poor fool who has to play Mad Murdock... They're these classic characters, it's always hard to try and break that with new people. Ah well. It'll be hilarious to watch the progress either way.

P.P.S. OMG I love this man. He always has the most amazing characters.

Nghfhg. Fantastic. More pics of Tim Burton's upcoming Alice and Wonderland here.

Music: The end and the beginning - Forgive Durden
Mood: Hyper

Cool enough to not quite see it

If no one watches ABC2 from 8.30 tonight, it would be due to no fault of my own. I have plugged Torchwood and Being Human to everyone today. I'm not quite sure why I've been such a cheerleader, but the mood took me. Look at me, doing my part for the fandom like a good little fangirl. Besides, I stumbled across this - "where excitement comes before morality" - which has to be one of the most apt descriptions of Torchwood I've seen in a while. It also poses such great innuendo possibilities, but I think the ability to appreciate that comes after you've been far too obsessed with this show for a while. It's a terrible, terrible influence. Fun though.

I suppose the tentative airdate we were given last night just put me in a fandom friendly mood.

I completely forgot I had a hair appointment today. Luckily, I was down in Revesby after work doing random tasks and paying bills for dad and such, so I wandered past the salon at the time I was due in. Spent a few hours having unexpected me time. Quite nice really. While there, I found out Robert Pattinson Cedric had been hit by a cab. Hmm, I hope it didn't damage his devilishly handsome good looks...oh wait, never a risk of that.

Ah sigh. I need to stop picking on the guy. He can't help it after all.

Random comment - I find the Clandestine Cereal range very strange. Not only that but they have a Space Monkey! Bah, that's ours! Damn you, Pete Wentz.

Hmph.

In general, I'm exhausted. My dad's really been trying my patience, asking twenty questions at every opportunity, offering running commentary on everything he does, and making intefering remarks as I was making Chicken Parmigiana for dinner. I don't hover around making snide comments when he cooks, why can't he just leave me be? After all, I'm not completely useless and I'm most certainly capable of reading a damned recipe. I did take two years of Hospitality you know AND I've cooked twice already this week - no one's died. It really pisses me off. Work has been quite hectic too, as it usually is this time of year, and I've just felt run of my feet most of the time. Overall, I just seem to get nothing done. Sigh. I think I'm going to curl up in the lounge (yes, while watching ABC2, practice what you preach) and see if I can finish Small Favor tonight. I'm only three chapters in but it usually doesn't take too long. With hot chocolate. Never forget the hot chocolate.

Here are some photos I took in the backyard this afternoon:


I ventured outside to find this little freak eyeing me up. I've named him Louis.


Louis is highly unimpressed by my existence.


In profile, with that thing hanging from his beak. It was really getting on my nerves but he didn't even notice. Birds! No sense of style!


Post-feed. I missed the actual attacking and capturing of unaware prey because I was chasing little miss sook around when it happened.


Here she is, being cuddled by my dad. She's been really emo today. I feel like I should be putting some MCR on for her or something.


The cockatoos soon showed up, making the ungodly racket they so love.


This one was squaking for some attention. Suffice it to say there are a lot of them.


Om nom nom.


I like this one, it looks like it's surveying its kingdom. Which is fine by me, as long as it's not looking at me like I'm something tasty. They sometimes do, and though I know it's completely irrational, it kinda freaks me out. What can I say, birds are creepy.


Finally, some sky. One thing I like about winter is the sky, it always looks so crisp and clear. None of that weird orange-ish glow you get in summer, only thousands of different shades of blue.

Music: Mayonaise - The Academy Is [cover]
Mood: Blah

Silver and silent

Prompt: A line from 'Peacemaker' by Green Day that I’ve been sort of obsessed with – Call up the Captain, hey hey, death to the lover that you were dreaming of.
Characters: Unnamed.
Word count: 563
Author’s comments: I realise it’s not very long. There was room for it to be expanded, a bit of exposition probably wouldn’t go amiss - between introducing her and before he emerges. I was going to do it, but it flowed out this way and I am just too tired at the moment to force my brain into thinking of it. She’s a character I’ve been toying with for a while, a sort of ethereal being with an independent shadow. I’ll probably write some more for her at some point.


It’s cold, rain chilling skin that the wind hadn’t yet reached. Her long coat twists around her legs but she pays it no mind. Superficially, there is nothing particularly strange about the scene. Stares would glance off the lone figure standing against the wall and they would not look back. They would not give her a second thought. Silent. Unmoving. A shadow against the night. She watches.
He emerges some two hours later, collar turned up against the elements. His pale skin seems stark against the dilapidated surroundings, and where the night tries to swallow him, he seems only to stand out more. Blue eyes flash brightly in the glow of the last unbroken street light. Oh, so impossibly bright. He strides down the alley like he owns it, and there is unexpected grace there. She swallows and moves to follow. Her shadow extends towards him. He tenses. She closes in.
At the corner, he stops and turns. She is traces and smoke, he does not see her. Still, he senses something. Her shadow wraps around his, pawing and pulling unseen. His knees buckle and he falls. He scrapes his palm, bewildered as he tries to rebalance. The metallic tang of blood dictates what is to come. He looks up and sees her now, tall and fierce as she stands before him. He thinks Lyssa, the goddess of fury herself, has come to walk the Earth. He also thinks no amount of knowledge can save him now.
Her shadow cradles him close, softly like a newborn, as she stares down at him with eyes as green as the promise of spring. She touches a lock of dark hair, pushing it from his eyes. Eyes which are so impossibly pure that Neptune’s seas could barely compete. He is beautiful, pale and scared though he tries to hide his fear beneath a mask of cool defiance. There is devotion and loyalty beneath the shallow pools of these emotions, hidden depths of so much promise. Her breath catches except…she doesn’t have any. She suddenly loves this man, the antithesis of everything she is.
Her shadow tightens around him; her fingertips graze the soft promise of his cheekbone. She leans close as she whispers, “Call up the Captain.”
At the simple sentence, he recognises her purpose. A shiver wracks through his too thin body. He can’t respond but he still tries, just as he tries to struggle. Brave then, as well as knowledgeable. She traces his jaw as she moves around him, her shadow tightening with every step she moves further away. His posture goes rigid, almost as if he’s drawing himself up. He knows. Oh, how she loves him. Fiercely and proudly as only she could be capable of. There’s so much only she’s capable of.
It’s a soft sound, the tiniest pop that impossibly shatters the back of a skull. She stares inexpressively at the crumpled form, her shadow twisting around her.
“Death to the lover that you were dreaming of,” she murmurs, the corner of her lips twitching.
The dark clouds part for a moment, the pale, sickly moonlight reflects in the spreading pool of dark crimson and an older woman screams as she stumbles unwittingly upon the scene.A silhouette on the roof shimmers briefly, and then disappears from view.
She wishes she still had a heart.

We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us.
- Francios Rabelais

Music: 'In the shadows' audiobook
Mood: Still cold, even more so in fact

The earth is doomed

I find it really annoying when people talk about others on twitter as he/she when they’re replying to that very same person’s tweet. Look, I realise it’s someone famous and you’re probably never going to get a reply, but to, for example, comment on a photo Mikey Way posted of himself and then say “he looks so…” whatever, is just weird. Technically you’re engaging in conversation with him, would you refer to him as ‘he’ normally too then? Strange pet peeve I know, but I’m a strange person.

Another pet peeve is trying to decipher the messages my Afrikaans friends send me on Facebook since they have apparently stopped using vowels – Ek wt jy nthou dit haha jy mt my se waneer jy weer ini land is, ns mt by meka km n kuier. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? It does not take that much effort to include an extra letter here or there. Seriously people, come on. I mean I’m not overly fond of text talk for English, but this is even more annoying. Here I was thinking they were all being so proud of their language lately and yet they bastardise it like this. Perplexing.

Now regarding that trailer I posted earlier while trying not to die [I am not built for this anticipation business, I can barely stand it, and I think it might in fact be my mortal foe. Just think of how often we have fought as I struggled to skip to the last pages of books. Epic battles. I think it’s taking years off my life expectancy.] That is just so Gwen. So demanding. “But why wasn’t the Doctor here to stop all of the evil that’s happened in the world? He should you know, if he has the power, shaaaaame on him. Doesn’t he have a heart? Oh, why must I be the only one with a heart??” Gwen darling, he is just one guy you know. A time lord sure, but still just one. That said, I kinda agree with your reasoning there. I’ve often wondered why he doesn’t just give up on this stupid planet.

In an attempt to derail my one track mind, my friends have been encouraging the watching of other shows. As I’m not really getting into Arrested Development as much as I’d hoped, I have started the first season of Buffy. I should finish it by tomorrow. I know I’m slow on the uptake here, but I somehow managed to completely miss it when it was first on. I think it is safe to say that I am fully converted to the Whedon cult though, because I love it. It’s just so funny, and it has great, believable characters. I really like Giles. He seemed a bit emo in eps from the other seasons I’ve randomly watched, but so far in the first he’s just adorable...
- "I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the 12th century, and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show."
- “You were right, all along, about everything.... Well, no, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a Pekinese."
- “He's turned into a 16-year-old boy. Of course you'll have to kill him."
Xander has some great lines too...
- “I laugh in the face of danger...then I hide until it goes away.”
- “To read makes our speaking English good.”
So yes, very much enjoying it all. Not obsessively, but god knows I only have room to be completely obsessed with one thing at a time. It takes so much energy. Give me my Children of Earth now goddamnit!

It is fast becoming one of my life's ambitions to attend the San Diego Comic Con. I've heard such wonderful, amazing stories about it in the past and there are always randoms such as the MCR boys running around and being, well, fanboys. This year apparently David Tennant will be there. Nghfgh. Trip to San Diego y/y? Why can't I be a jet setting billionaire, or the daughter of one? I'd be the worst socialite ever, can you imagine - I'd be going from nerd fest to nerd fest, music festival to music festival. The geek socialite! Hee.

In other joyous news, the Book Depository is shipping out my pre-orders! They were only due in next week, so I’m very pleased. Also, I ordered a new extension for my external hard drive yesterday and that should be delivered tomorrow. I can finally get my iTunes back. I love buying things online, it’s just so much more fun getting things all boxed and delivered to your front door.

Now what else…oh got my AAR tickets today. Just organising Wicked now, we’re quite a group heading to that, it takes a while to get things co-ordinated.

I think I need to go away for a weekend or something and do some work. This whole ‘writer’s retreat’ business, as my university keeps referring to it. It would be nice to get away with the sole purpose of being creative, but it’s such a bitch trying to find time for that sort of thing. I just don’t get any work done at home cause it’s home you know, and there’s so much else to distract me. Ah well, see how we go I suppose.

I have to work Saturday *groans* I’m so over all this working.

Music: Peacemaker - Green Day
Mood: Cold

Might have burst a blood vessel

Music: Watching Season 1 of Buffy
Mood: Guilty

Too invested in the hours that pass her by

Since I don't know whether I'm coming or going anymore, I've decided to complile a list of things that I want to attend/have to do/must remember:

> 23/24 June - Movie night thing
> 27/28 June - Supanova [?]
> 4 July - Yves Klein Blue @ Art Factory [yet to acquire tix]
> Mid July - Shamless CoE fangirling [hopefully]
> 28 July - Manchester Orchestra @ Art Factory [yet to acquire tix]
> 31 July - Creative piece first draft due
> July/Aug - Combined B'day shinding [?]
> 11 August - Avenue Q
> 14 August - Bon Voyage dinner
> 24 August - AAR @ Enmore [yet to acquire tix]
> 28 August - Anberlin/TAI @ Roundhouse
> 31 August - Exegesis first draft due
> 6 September - Wicked [yet to acquire tix]
> September - Masters applications no doubt open
> 30 September - Second drafts done
> 30 October - Thesis done
> 7 November - Thesis due
> 11 December - Green Day @ ACER [yet to be announced]

I am freezing! Even Oreo is refusing to move from under her blanket. If I didn't have work to do, I'd spend the entire day in bed watching Buffy or perhaps continuing with Arrested Development - I started that last night and I'm four eps in, I'm giving it some time before I decide it's completely overhyped. But then again, who am I kidding? Having work to do has never stopped me before.

There should be a song dedicated to procrastination.

My paycheck this week was so wonderful. I checked my account this morning and wanted to cry from the fake sense of security it engendered. It always seems so easy to think "Yes! You can indeed randomly take off to the UK whenever you want"...but then it dawns on me that I'd still have bills, even if I'm not here. Responsibility fail. Sigh.

This is brilliant. I want one! Haha.

Music: Time - She Wants Revenge/Timbaland
Mood: Cold

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal

Ross Noble on both Rove and Good News Week was an absolute riot. I may have cracked a rib from the sheer insanity of it all. The sausage roll story itself was pure gold - you can watch it here. If anyone is actually interested in the madness that was GNW this week, and yes it was even crazier than usual and includes gross misuse of a smoke machine and absolutely no political correctness to be found anywhere within a 30 mile radius, you can view that over here on their site. Gotta love technology.

I had such a strange day today - worst case of deja vu ever. The entire day felt like a repeat...and not just because of the mundane reality that is a full Monday at work. Everything I did, every little comment I made, or scribble I drew or site I covertly accessed on Jasper, felt like it had been done before. It was slightly disconcerting. Last night I also had a slew of crazy dreams, most memorable of them being one where a co-worker of my mother's was madly in love with her and I stood around finding it highly hilarious and/or messing around with it as I saw fit. I also had a dream that I had seen the first episode of Children of Earth somewhere between watching the double episodes of Numb3rs and NCIS (which I had actually watched before heading to bed) and was thus running around trying to find the rest of the series while also trying to convince everyone that I had in fact seen it. So somewhere in the night I watched a fictional episode of Torchwood (not unlike that time I dreamt up an entirely non-existent Aerosmith song). THIS IS HOW SAD MY LIFE HAS BECOME. The lot of a witless fangirl. Dear BBC, you have ruined my life.

I've been doing that a lot lately, haven't I? "Writing" these little letter type things. I have clearly regressed back to high school.

Suffice it so say, life is not very interesting right at this very moment. I think I have recovered from the madness of finishing two major assignments in a week after procrastinating spectuacularly, and so now it is time to shut the hell up and start work on my thesis. Damn it. I need to start researching things porperly. I also need to finish my creative thesis by the end of next month. Bah. Somewhere in this time I also need to go for my driver's license. I've been so lazy getting the full one that it's actually gotten to the point where it expires next month. Oops. I really don't feel like reading a boring book and traffic rules and regulations...can't I just get an SUV like everyone else?

Tomorrow, Em and Roze are coming over so we can finish Em's media project. We star in an eBay spoof-type ad-thing (technical term). It's highly embarrassing. And unscripted. There's a lot of giggling involved. Ah the things you do for your friends.

Oh, found out today that the lovely All American Rejects are gracing us with their presence at the end of August. I'm not quite sure why they're touring with Hoobastank, but heeeey, whatever. It's AAR, it'll be fun!

I leave you with the following - it is funny because it is true.


Music: 21 Guns - Green Day
Mood: Relaxed

Let's conspire to ignite

You're hot and you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

Dear Katy Perry, please stop rotting my brain, kthanks.

Last night was...crazy. Em, Roze and I hung around Newtown and caused trouble. It started off so well. Nice civilized dinner in a nice, classy place - absolutely delicious food and great atmosphere. We were the loudest people in there, but still. However the wheels started falling off as we went in search of a cafe, and we went down King street alienating staff (and no doubt insulting various people...but this is more my doing than anyone else's I suppose), hailing taxis, attacking each other, laughing hysterically, wrongly identifying foodstuffs, and daring each other to do stupid things (such as snort sugar). It ended in Oportos as we had a craving for chips. I have no doubt that everyone in there thought we were completely off our heads. Good times.

I feel so awful today. I've been dragging my sorry self around and just moping. So not fun. It's so cold too. Bah winter, you suck.

Mum and I just watched Aladdin. Ate too much chocolate. As much as I insist there is never such a thing as too much chocolate, I think the combination with Pringles may have been a bit too much. Blah.

It's not even 8 yet and I want to go to bed. I be such a loser.

Now, decision time - buy Sims 3 this week, y/y?

Music: Starlight - Muse
Mood: Sick

Here follows some inconsequential rambling

I'm watching the cricket cause Stuart Broad is batting at the moment. Does this make me a bad person? I mean really though, the boy is so, so, so adorable. Hmmm.

So, yesterday went quite well all things considered. Had a perfectly normal day, function wise. I was early to class so I sprawled out across the tables and listened to my audiobook. In the end only three other people showed up. Final class fail, yes? So understandably we didn’t stick around long. I handed in my creative piece as well, so that’s all my assignments done. My tutor said that all the Honours staff members get together to go over everyone’s assignments so they can get a median level for marking the work. This freaked me out slightly. I don’t particularly want everyone to read my no doubt dodgy assignment on, predominantly, Twitter written from the point of view of my phone. I mean, hell, it’s every so slightly dodgy. Ah well. What’s done is done as they say. I just hope I pass everything…

After class I stopped by Starbucks that indulges in one of the few good things about winter – mint hot chocolate. I waited for Roze in Myer, lamenting the fact that we suck so epically and how unstylish we are when compared to Europe. Sigh. The two of us went on an impromptu shopping trip, although neither of us bought anything. There was a close moment in General Pants when I saw a jacket, immediately fell in love (as I am known to do) and Roze remarked “That great. It’s like David Tennant’s jacket for girls.” I promptly grinned like a loon and complimented her on her lovely Tennant reference. Haha. Unfortunately the jacket proved very popular, and they only have 8s left. I could never fit in an 8; for one thing I’d have to chop off half my arm. Sigh. It was quite expensive so it’s probably for the best, but god, it was gorgeous. We shopped some more, chatted, Roze put up with my rambling and was lovely, had food. So overall, a lovely quick little catch up. Tomorrow night we’re all going out for proper dinner and catch-up since we’re all done with uni for now…well technically two of us should be researching, but that can wait until next week…

Overall though, managed to go 35 hours without sleep, without even so much as touching a red bull too. Not much caffeine at all in fact, 1 cup of coffee in the morning. The wheels only really fell off in the car driving home with mum - sitting in the traffic with nothing really to distract me did me in, in the end.

In all of this, I still managed to finish my audiobook, ‘In the Shadows’ by Joe Lidster. It was my first ever audiobook. I’m not sure if I’m keen on the whole thing. I find it very weird not to be reading it myself, and I had this overwhelming sense of wanting to read faster, if that makes sense [it probably doesn’t]. Also, my brain failed at visualising and instead of being immersed in an imaginary world, I was visualising reading a book. This is how ridiculous I am. So, it’s like in a cartoon with an overabundance of thought bubbles. Listening to audiobook leads to visualising reading book which leads to visualising the story – thought bubble within a thought bubble. Maybe it was just sleep deprivation. I also blame the sleep deprivation for completely stripping me of any restraint, so I was giggling like a FOOL on the train (and this is worse when you’re listing to something, at least when I have a book with me there appears to be a flimsy excuse). I also got completely overemotional on the bus to mum’s. I was practically in tears. Cause clearly I am a loser. Overall, I quite liked the story. Nice, creepy and twisted. Think I’d like it more if I could read it. Oh, on that note, I have to say Eve Myles doing an American accent greatly disturbed me. I might never recover.

I spent today, after work and picking up my Anberlin/TAI tix, snuggled up on the couch watching Life on Mars. Finished the first season, finally. I do love that show quite a bit. It’s just so funny. I still can’t quite believe how much they butchered the US version. I heard a rumour about a US Torchwood…? The very thought appals me. Unless they find the missing Torchwood 4 and make it a whole new spin off, don’t even get me started on everything that is wrong with that idea. Just…*shudder*

In other news, people are getting on my nerves, I don’t want to work tomorrow, and I’m really cold! Stupid winter.

Today is the official first screening of Episode 1 of Torchwood Season 3 at BFI. I hate the UK.

James Marsters is going to be at next year’s TW convention thingamabob. I hate the UK.

Oh, how I lie! You know I’m just jealous UK, so, so jealous of your awesomeness. Even if your weather sucks and you think 26 degrees is hot. In fact, I’ll prove just how much I don’t hate you by trying to grunge up some funds to swing by again. Sigh.

Rumoured Green Day gig slotted for Sydney, 11 December. Hee!

Abbi just sent me this. She knows me so well.

Cute boy + Suit = WIN

Music: Angel
Mood: Lazy

Huh

This pretty much explains everything about my university.

"Oooooh its all a Dalek plot. Figures"

Does this mean I can call the Doctor if I fail and everything will work out ok?


--
From Jasper, with love.
[[Power and speed and death rolled into one]]

I got my head checked by a jumbo jet

I have now officially been awake for 25 hours and 51 minutes. That is right, for the first time in my life I have pulled an all-nighter. Not bad for 16 odd years' worth of education. Turns out you can't leave your honours major assignment until the night before and hope to knock it off in three hours. Turns out that, unlike in undergrad, there's actual work to do. Who knew? Ah you live, you learn.

I didn't even feel tired, maybe a little lag around 2ish but after that it was fine. Perfect this morning. I'm a little bit jittery but I'm putting that down to the 2 litres of Lipton Iced Red Tea I consumed during the evening - its a lot like watered down red bull, but without the health risks. Speaking of red bull, I think I better pick some up before class. Hm. I'm not quite sure what I wrote for this assignment, I'm sure I engaged with some theory at least, so that should be at least, AT LEAST damn it, a pass. I'm also a bit fuzzy as to how I got to work this morning, but I was listening to 'In The Shadows' so I was distracted (that's what you want to hear while driving, isn't it?) Also, I'm thinking its not normal to be visualising reading the book while listening to an audiobook...cause that's all my stupid brain's doing - "Oooh words, this is what they look like!" Hmmm thanks brain.

I'm rambly. I've been like this all night. Thank you to darling Abbi who was there for the entire process, save the last hour...oh and an hour during which there was commuting/dinner and I acted a little stalkerish in wondering where she was since I know it doesn't take her that long to
come home *shifty eyes* She also deserves hugs for putting up with my randomly throwing quotes at her, or sending paragraphs with "does this make sense??" preceding it. AND as if it isn't enough, she also came up with a brilliant flash fiction idea which she has emailed to me so I
have something to read at work this morning/to keep me awake. You rawk dude. I hope my descent into madness was at least somewhat amusing.

So anyway, yeah. I'm trying not to sit down for too long. I have the feeling this is going to be a lot like jet lag. To that I say bring it on bitch! I survived London jetlag, I can survive anything.

Easy peasy pumpkin peasy pumpkin pie -

Come on, complete that sentence! I'll give you a cookie. It's laced with happy, stay awake drugs! Hee!

Ok, so I'm possibly a little manic.

I have my bloody discman with me to listen to this audio book to uni and such (my external drive is still unaccessible). My discman! Bah. How retro-annoying. The things I do for my fandom *shakes head*

I need to stop for a) red bull, b) stamps & envelopes for assignments, c) money for train, d) new TW magazine. Then, this weekend, there is drinking (to drown our collective uni sorrows) and possibly a marathon of sorts on the cards. No thinking required. Huzzah.

Hang on, isn't supanova this weekend? Must. Check. Pay attention, self!

P.S. I really hope these assignments are ok *woe face*
--
From Jasper, with love.
[[Power and speed and death rolled into one]]

I arrive at work shortly before we’re due to open. I make sure everything is organised for the day – of course it is, I was the last to leave the previous night– before taking a seat behind my desk. I use this small window of quiet time to flick open my phone and look in on the online world of Twitter. If the few months I’ve been using this social networking site has made anything clear, it’s that the ‘Pirates Code’ set down in a popular Johnny Depp film applies here – those who fall behind, are left behind.

Oh. Yes. I am so totally going to pass this assignment.

Fuuuuuck.

I just realised I can't do a straight essay. So I'm trying fictocriticism. Cept I've never written fictocriticism before and I don't really know what it's meant to look like. So I'm going for something creatively written but with lots of theory. Idk. Idk. I DON'T HAVE ANY THEORY.

*whimpers pathetically*
*jumps off cliff*

Music: The pitter patter of my mind as it runs away
Mood: OMG!STRESSED

Though we're down and out

The time has come for colds and overcoats.
We're quiet on the ride,
We're all just waiting to get home.
Another week away, my greatest fear.
I need the smell of summer,
I need its noises in my ears.
If looks could really kill,
Then my profession would be staring.
Please know we do this cause we care and not for the thrill.
Collect calls to home
To tell them that I realize
That everyone who lives will someday die
And die alone.

Because it is currently quite apt. That is all.

Music: I will play my games beneath the spin light - Brand New
Mood: Stressed

Life's just a pacecar on death only less dilligent

Why has Facebook suddenly decided we need usernames? It's not bloody MySpace! I don't want a username on Facebook. I don't want to put up with other people's usernames. I've gotten used to a certain level of mediocrity and predictability on the site, and if people have the ability to keep changing their names, I'm actually going to have to focus to figure out what's going on where, instead of just skimming over names and occurances like I currently do. I think Facebook should stop trying to be cool and be happy in the dorky simplicity I've become accustomed to.

/end random rant

Blog posts I have perused today:
> This one regarding the whole minefield that is NRL and sex scandals.
> It linked me up to this one, about an incident that happened during casting of the new season of 'So You Think You Can Dance'...the thing that got me here more than anything is the transcript that says - Nigel: You never know. You might enjoy that! (smirking) All right, see you later. I mean come on, everything else I can still understand, but that's just stupid.
> This, in turn, linked me to here, which is a response to madness being peddled by a Californian radio show - the presenters apparantly encouraged abuse of transgender children on air.

That last one is just...yeah. Isn't it lovely to live in the 21st Century where there are equal rights and we don't judge each other on superficial differences? JFC. Humanity fails. We take one step forward and fifty back. A point that I feel is proved by that whole Proposition 8 debacle - "here have some rights *yoink* haha made you look!" When are people going to realise we're all the same? We're all the same basic construct, we all breathe and eat and sleep. In the words of The Academy Is, we're the same blood. Our glaring similarities should easily overshadow the differences of skin colour or langauge or religion or sexual orientation. I don't get it. I really don't.

Bah.

Anyway, here on planet boring today, I received the first of my books from the lovely Book Depository. This site is made of win. Not only do they not charge me shipping, but they're speedy too. Well, Royal Mail has always been quite good. It's only taken a week...and it's free! Beat that, Amazon.

We were so busy at work. I could barely stop to breathe. Now I have to throw myself head first into this essay business and hope something gradeable emerges.

Speaking of, thanks to everyone who read my creative piece and tried to extract me from the giant mess I made of the tense. I am much obliged. Wine for all! I still need opinions on the name though...but now, coffee!

Music: She's my Winona - Fall Out Boy
Mood: Working

These are the words you wish you wrote down

I don't exactly know what the hell is happening in British Politics, but man, is it intense. All the ranting and raving [all quite justified by the looks of things] I've witnessed over various modes of social networking the past few days [I think my Twitter almost caught on fire from all the outrage] almost makes me feel guilty for my decidedly fuck you attitude to politics. This is mostly due to my long suffering, well documented, outrage at being legally obligated to vote. Now I've noticed a lot of outcry over people not voting in this very election, and how that has no doubt contributed to the phenomenal clusterfuck that seems to be the situation over there. While this does make me feel a little contrite for always whinging about it, I still think it's a choice that should be left to me. Of course I would still vote, my point is just that I shouldn't be forced to do something, one way or other. But I deviate from the original point. Politics always seems like such a no-win situation to me. I'm completely jaded. They're all as bad as each other, and yet, I don't see any way to get around it. I keep saying I want to start a party called "They all suck" and have it at the bottom of the ballot form. I wouldn't have any press and so people would just tick it, thinking it was a general commentary on the choices. I'm sure I could win.

The best thing about winter is citrus fruit. Well, perhaps the only good thing about winter...it's not like we get snow or anything, so what's the damn point? European winters FTW. And soup! Omg, what I would give for some proper vegetable soup! Damn you Europe, you give me irrational expectations of this loathsome season. I'm freezing my butt off today, the wind is subarctic. The sky is a beautiful blue though, absolutely stunning. Reminds me of Ireland.

I haven't spoken to anyone since...Thursday, I think. Apparantly, honours = hermitism. I will soon meet with fellow hermits in order to discuss caves and such. As you do.

Currently making plans to indulge my inner theatre geek. We're seeing Avenue Q in August, and possibly Wicked in September. Everyone keeps going on about it, so we feel we should probably check it out. Cheesy as it looks. I still don't understand how someone looked at that book and thought "Hey you know what, this should be a musical!" The thought process there is way beyond me. The Bell Shakespeare company also keep sending me pamphlets, which reminds me, I wonder if I need to let the Opera House know I changed my address...ah well, guess they'll see next time I buy tickets.

I'm struggling through my uni work as one might struggle through quicksand. I'm experiencing the same sinking feeling as one would in that situation too. I hope someone remembers to pull me out at the end...or at least give me a straw so I can breathe...I already feel a little hard done by in the oxygen department.

I'm having one of those phases where I hate absolutely everything I write and find my work to be both pointless and lacking in skill. I also have a mild case of writer's block, but I suspect it's a side effect of the self-loathing. Ah, what bliss it is to be an unstable creative type.

In other news, after loudly yelling at the tv to "give us a date, you bastards!", my mother subjected me to a 'disappointed' lecture about my language use. Blah. Look I only really swear when I'm really pissed off about something, and I think we all know I've been pushed to the edge with airdates, so I feel it's entirely justified. I hate those 'disappointed' talks though.

Well. Best get back to feeling disgusted with my creative piece then...

Music: I believe you but my tommy gun don't - Brand New
Mood: Woeful

Concrete and water

Someone please shoot me. I have no motivation and this uni work is simply driving me mad. Surely there must be a way to escape this crap...where is the eject button? Eject, damn you!

I was watching Merlin last night, as you do, and yet again voiced my appreciation for Morgana/Katie McGrath. My dad happened to be there at the time and he enquired as to why exactly I had such a thing for her. I replied that I simply thought she was gorgeous, everything about her, and why, didn't he agree? He conceded that he did not. We had a discussion about the kind of women he liked, before I pointed out that we we just clearly had very different taste (he's always been team Aniston, while I'm more team Jolie). At one point I sat back and simply marveled at the fact that I was actually having this discussion with my dad. So, so very random.

I am so tired. Blah. I still have to finish this creative piece, words escape me. Curse you, you evil words!

I look at these Terminator 4 ads on TV at the moment and just scoff. You can ask my mother, every time it comes on I shake my head and say, "Oh who cares, Star Trek was here first." I think I'll be hard pressed to care about any movie hype this year after that...well except Harry Potter, but that's only cause it's Harry and we go back...

Music: Jaws Swimming Theme - Brand New
Mood: Frustrated

You know you mean the world to me

Task issued by Stono,
You know what would be cool?! If you guys wrote a blog about musicians you admire...
Right then.

For me, it will always be Green Day. Cliché as it may seem, Billie Joe Armstrong and co changed my life. When I needed something to cling to, they were there, they gave me what I needed to be able to get through it. I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. They have my unwavering loyalty and support for the rest of my natural life.

Music has always been a huge part of my life. Both my parents are music lovers, and as they are both very different, I have an eclectic taste at best, if a little predisposed to all variations of rock. Growing up, there was no room for white noise and if Sabbath or Sarah Brightman wasn’t blaring, the radio was always on. Every memory of major occurrences in my life is linked to a song, a visceral trigger that's always lurking in the background.

However, my interaction with music changed dramatically the day I listened (and I mean really listened) to ‘She’, a sweet little song nestled between ‘Basket Case’ and ‘Sassafras Roots’ on Green Day’s breakthrough album Dookie. Suddenly, it was personal and the notion of music as an aesthetic process through which you could discover yourself emerged. I was seven when Dookie was first released so it is fair to say my reaction to it was rather slow, and it was really only with it’s re-release on International Superhits! that it really had an impact. Surely everyone has that one song that means the world to them, a song that altered your consciousness just a little bit, and for me this was it. It’s the song that woke up that punk rock side every teenager probably has in them. Ironic, as it is not really a traditional punk song. Regardless, when I listened to it, it just triggered something in my mind and my entire world shifted and changed, from my perceptions of the world I inhabited, the people I dealt with, and most importantly my view of myself. It painted a picture of something that I wanted to be, not what I was. The particular power of ‘She’ probably had a lot to do with its timing in appearing in my life. I had just moved to a new country, to a city I had never been to before, I knew no one and I resented everyone for doing this to me. More importantly, I resented myself for failing just as miserably at ‘fitting in’ at a new school (with a clean slate!) as I had at my old school. ‘She’ made all that seem perfectly fine. For the first time in my life, I ‘liked’ who I was, I didn’t care what anyone else was thinking and I didn’t feel like a freak. Every time I listen to it, I still feel the same stirrings I did that first time but now instead of some kind of revelation, it’s an overwhelming sense of vindication and comfort. It was natural progression from there to go through my punk phase, and I'll always have a particular leaning towards the genre.

Other musicians I admire, even though I can’t always find the words to explain why, include:

Joe Strummer, The Clash – I can still remember the first time I heard ‘London Calling’ and thought it was the most brilliant thing ever. I don't really have anything more to say other than it's The Clash and it's Joe Strummer. C'mon. That's enough, isn't it?

Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance – Gerard is a tricky one because he manages to seem so radically different on and off stage (a quality I admit I resented him for a little last year.) Fact remains though; he has been to hell and back, while being one hundred percent completely honest about it. He’s a creative force that manages to exist in some weird equilibrium state between being understated and yet completely overwhelming you. I can’t help but admire and respect his passion and creative output. Besides, My Chem does exactly what Frank Iero said they would, they make it ok to be messed up because there are five guys in a band that are just as messed up as you are.

Max Bemis, Say Anything – Max is so unapologetic and honest about who is and what he believes. He confronts his issues head on and even if he knows he might not be able to change anything, he still won’t shy away from it. How can I not respect that? He's an example I feel like pulling out every time someone hits a nerve so I can say, yeah ok, maybe I'm not wired the right way, but neither is Max, and he says it's ok! He saves me the trouble of ranting when the world makes me angry, generally he's already done it. More importantly, he writes the songs that get me through uni.

Jesse Lacey, Brand New – The development of this band has just astounded me. A band that can develop and grow so organically and convincingly is a real inspiration for me. With The Devil and God are raging inside me they completely blew any expectations I may have had out of the water, and it promptly became my most listened to album according to Lastfm. There's a level of introspection and flawed beauty in their work that never fails to rope me in. The imagery and emotion Jesse manages to conjure in his lyrics are so breathtaking; I don’t even know where to begin talking about it. It’s just…yes.

Matt Bellamy, Muse – It is a widely known fact among those that know me that I want to live in Matt’s piano. That’s what I feel like when I hear him play. Not that he isn’t absolutely mesmerizing doing other things. I both worship and adore him. Watching Muse perform, it’s hard to remember that there is a world that exists beyond that moment, and even why you should care about it. I can’t even begin to imagine what goes on in that head of his, but it must be damn amazing.

David Bowie – I don’t know when exactly it happened, but somewhere along the line I became a huge Bowie fan. One of the original innovators, he constantly re-invented himself, completely oblivious to expectations or conventions. He never compromised his artistic intentions and he still managed to be successful. Proof that you can do things your own unique way and still make it work.

Special mention also goes to Freddie Mercury who I still think has to be one of the most brilliant front men ever and an absolute genius – Bohemian Rhapsody, people. Bohemian-fucking-Rhapsody. Who else could have come up with something that deranged and made it work?

I have no doubt overlooked some, and hopefully, there will be many more in the future. Music is everything, really. I never feel more alive than when I’m at a gig, soaking up the energy, passion and dedication, even as the drums replace my heartbeat. At the end of the day, all it comes down to for me is connection - to feel, question, and just be. So, I will end this ramble on one of my favourite quotes from Nick Hornby's 31 Songs:

But sometimes songs and books and films and pictures express who you are, perfectly. And they don’t do this in words or images, necessarily; the connection is a lot less direct and more complicated than that…It’s a process something like falling in love. You don’t necessarily chose the best person, or the wisest, or the most beautiful; there’s something else going on…I’m talking about understanding – or at least feeling like I understand – every artistic decision, every impulse, the soul of both the work and its creator. ‘This is me…this is what I feel like, inside. This is what I would sound like, if ever I were to find a voice.’

Captured in an image :



Music: Sowing Season - Brand New
Mood: Sick