Your rip my heart right out

In the last three working days, we've seen close to 80 patients. Up until this morning. That is a lot of patients. When we finally got a break today before I had to leave I could only sit back and think, what now? It's funny how calm can feel really foreign when you've been very busy and harrassed. It feels as if you've forgotten something. Hope it settles by Friday.

We watched Hard Candy in class today. Woah. Fucked up much? I'm not complaining since I didn't have to come up with some ridiculous conversation point for something I couldn't find. Our guest speaker was talking about fairytales and subversions of master narratives, and so the film was a case study of sorts, tying in with some of her own work. As Abs would know from that short story, this woman doesn't mess around. I quite admire it. I mean, we don't exactly write those happy, moonshine-and-roses type things either. Cause, let's face it, life is fucked up. I was trying to argue this point with our actual lecturer but I think he wants to be lieve in the idealistic redemptive side of humanity. I'm very cynical, and violence is so engrained in my take on life considering where I grew up, so I'm more inclined to take a Suzie look at life "We’re just animals, howling in the night ‘cause it’s better than silence."

As always the class ran over time. It amazes me that in a class with five people in it, we go for the full three hours. I had a class with double that before and we barely made it to two. It's strange. Anwyay, point is I didn't get a chance to ask her about supervising. I'll stop by her office tomorrow. Hopefully she's eligible, idk. I think she might be useful since she's at least done a creative thesis herself. It would seem it's not really the done thing.

I'm completely exhausted, the most menial tasks requires an absurd amount of focus. I manage to hide it quite well though, but I suppose I've had years of practice. Regardless, my eyes do feel like they are receding into the back of my skull. Still, I've managed to have a recurring dream in the 9 hours sleep I've had over the last 48 hours. How strange. Possibly I didn't even get past REM? Who knows. Anyway, it involves the entire cast of Torchwood (cast, not characters, which is interesting in itself since I generally prefer to ignore the fact that actors are involved), a convention setting, a poker table, and fans. First I insult the onlookers, then I proceed to clean everyone out. I wish I was as good at poker as my dream self is. I've noticed that this dream self is quite rude (rude and not ginger). I haven't been able to remember a dream in ages and I haven't had a recurring one in even longer, so it's all rather amusing.

Library workshop again tomorrow. I am tempted to stay home (in bed). But then they'd probably do something important. Bah. Oh crap I was meant to do something else. I need to get a birthday card for Ally...voucher. Um. Something else. Damn it. It'll come to me hopefully. OH right, tickets. Ha. Ok. Will try to remember that.

How I've had you once
Oh, I can't forget that
Sometimes I wish
I could lose you again

You're winning me over
With everything you say
You rip my heart right out
You rip my heart right out

I am really quite fond of this song. Reminds me of afternoons spent in Borders, when it was still nice and the object of my affection still worked downstairs, stitting in the corner reading music non-fiction and just chilling out while they played this album. It had such a good vibe. Sigh. Borders has clearly never heard of the 'if it's not broken, don't fix it' notion. Either that or they were trying to get rid of me. Can't entirely blame them for that.

Anyway. Brain has shut down so not even going to pretend to do research. Whoniverse Tuesday? All evidence suggests indulgence.

Music: Your house - Jimmy Eat World
Mood: Exhausted