Did I say that I loathe you?

I'm not doing what I'm meant to. Well, I mean I sort of am, but my heart's not in it. I'm looking for texts that even vaguely relate to the topic we're studying, but all I find myself interested in pitching is interactive things, and I hardly think that's what they had in mind. I can also not really tell you how they relate, but you know what, who cares. They think I'm an idiot anyway. Why should I get myself worked into a state over it? I'm useless when I feel like this.

Craving moment of serentity and utter faith in self. I thought I had it nailed down but I must have forgotten to close the gate, cause it's escaped again. Such is life. Cds my ipod my phone dvds of 'Big Bang Theory' a coffee mug captain jack notebooks postcards red nail polish a disjointed conversation and a stack of research that needs to be done. These are the things I surround myself with while I struggle not to throw it all away and run.

I gave this woman at mum's work my copy of 'Eclipse' since I had a spare and today she sent me a box of chocolates...well Ferrero Rochers. How nice is that? Pleasantly surprised and completely unneccesary of course. Never turn down chocolate though. Fundamental rule of survival in this crazy universe.

Currently od'ing on youtube. Whoniverse withdrawal reaching critical level, and am looking for quick hits. Sad as that may be.

For some reason I just feel very out of it tonight. Probably just tired. Tired and stressed and putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect, perfect, perfect. Always with the fucking perfection. Some days I think it's ok, I mean it's a great motivator, but other days...it just breaks your spirit. I get tired of fighting with myself, of fighting with the world, but even if I knew how to stop doing it, what would that leave me with? What would I be without my issues?




[I found the pic over at we feel fine, I dont know who's it is or in what context it belongs, but I like it, so I'm using it.]

Music: The blower's daughter - Damien Rice
Mood: Blah