It all becomes the same old song

I have had a rather strange day. It started with me rushing around like a headless chicken and being halfway out the door before I realised I was supposed to go in late today. So I could have had another hour's sleep. Fail. Traffic was horrendous and it took me way longer to get to work than expected, so perhaps it was all for the best.

I was completely nonchalant about uni today since I was so sure I was going to get the disappointed look for my absolutely ludicrous work on the dreaded Proust essay of Doom (as it is now known). So I took my time, tried to supress my headache, and ended up half an hour late for class. Our lecturer started discussing our essays and I ducked my head in preparation, but lo and behold, he turns around and says it was really interesting and he liked where I was going. I look comically befundled. When he asks whether I've considered a PhD or Masters in this field particularly with regards to maybe French Literature or, I assume, reader response theory, I start suspecting alien involvement. Spores? Pollens? Hallucinogenics in the water supply? I never know whether on some level I actually do know what I'm doing despite my obvious confusion and that it's all just a matter of self-doubt, or whether I am just an exceptionally good fraud. Of course I am an idiot and I find myself sitting there thinking, "Hey, a PhD in French Literature would be pretty cool! Sure I'd have to learn French properly, but I could go overseas! And I'd have tons of time to work on it." Yes Jen, because you aren't suffering enough with the god forsaken research degree you're doing. Someone just shoot me before I do some serious damage to myself. I mean really, what is wrong with me? Do I have no sense of self-preservation when it comes to academia? I'm not even that good at it, I just stumble along and pretend to know what I'm doing. Actually no, I don't even do that. I just stand around looking unimpressed and smiling to myself cause it's better to laught than to cry. Bah.

In other news, my neck and lower back is really sore and stiff. I'm considering going for a massage. Also, a manicure. Perhaps a day spa. Hmm, day spa.

I'm also thinking of taking off for a month just to write somewhere. Writer's retreat! Although it's much better in the new house, since I have the back of the place pretty much to myself. With all the trees, the river, and the birds, it almost feels like camping when I stumble out early in the morning.

I actually had something else I wanted to say, but I've completely forgotten, so have this instead:


Random note, on Good News Week last night they made a total nerd joke - something along the lines of a pi-some, like a threesome only it goes on forever. It just cracked me up. I love that show, even when it descends into various levels of smut within in like o.2 seconds.

Also, random thing I just did -

INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

[More info on this type here]

Music: The (shipped) gold standard - Fall Out Boy
Mood: Confused