Leonard: At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions just to make the math come out.
Sheldon: I didn't invent them, they are there!
Leonard: In what universe?
Sheldon: In all of them, that's the point.
Sheldon: Ah gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
Sheldon: Excuse me, explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid? Now, I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests that the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale.
Sheldon: I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
Leonard: I didn't like the look of the guy she was with.
Howard: Because he looks better than you?
Leonard: Yeah. He was kind of dreamy.
Sheldon: At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.
Howard: Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you?
Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?
Howard: Maybe, although the history of science fiction is not on your side.
Sheldon: Uh, let me ask you this: when I learn that I'm a robot, would I be bound by Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?
Raj: You might be bound by them right now.
Howard: That's true. Have you ever harmed a human being, or, through inaction, allowed a human being to come to harm?
Sheldon: Of course not.
Raj: Have you ever harmed yourself or allowed yourself to be harmed except in cases where a human being would've been endangered?
Sheldon: Well, no.
Howard: I smell robot.
Leonard (entering): What's going on around here?
Sheldon: Internet's been down for half an hour.
Raj: Also, Sheldon may be a robot.
Leonard: That's a good song!
Sheldon: If you're compiling a mix CD for a double suicide.
Sheldon: You know, I've been thinking about time travel again.
Leonard: Why? Did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?
Sheldon: Put it on the back burner. Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine I'd go into the past and give it to myself. Thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.
Leonard: Interesting.
Sheldon: Yeah, it really takes the pressure off.
Sheldon: The last department party, Professor Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.
Leonard: Yes, I was there.
Sheldon: Do you know what's interesting about caves, Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Nothing.
Raj: What a spread. I love this country.
Leonard: Don't they have buffets in India?
Raj: Yes, but it's all Indian food. Try finding a bagel in Mumbai to save your life.
Mary: Leonard called me.
Sheldon: Again, why?
Leonard: Because one of the greatest minds of the Twenty-First Century is breeding glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving serapes.
Sheldon: This is a poncho! Serapes are closed, ponchos are open to the sides, this is a poncho! And neither is an excuse to call someone's mother.
Sheldon (to a knock on the door): Oh, what fresh hell is this?
Leonard: Penny, we make such a good team. Maybe we could enter a couple of "Halo" tournaments sometime.
Penny: Or we could just have a life.
Leonard: I guess for you, that's an option. Ha-ha. Ha.
Sheldon: Every Saturday since we have lived in this apartment, I've awakened at 6.15, poured myself a bowl of cereal, added a quarter cup of 2% milk, sat on this end of this couch, turned on BBC America and watched Doctor Who.
Leonard: Penny's still sleeping.
Sheldon: Every Saturday since we have lived in this apartment, I've awakened at 6.15, poured myself a bowl of cereal -
Leonard (interrupting): I know, I know. Look you have a TV in your room, why don't you just have breakfast in bed.
Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating mother's day.
Penny (waking up): Ugh what time is it?
Leonard: Almost 6.30
Penny: I slept all day?!
Leonard: Oh no, it's 6.30 in the morning.
Penny (going back to sleep): What the hell is your problem?
Sheldon: Ok this cereal has lost all its molecular integrity, I now have a bowl of shredded wheat paste.
Howard (entering): Ola nerdmigos.
Penny: Why do you people hate sleep?
[...]
Leonard: Penny, you're always welcome to stay with us.
Sheldon: Oh terrific, now we're running a cute little B&B.
Howard: Let me offer a little outside the box thinking here, why doesn't Kristy stay with me?
Leonard: For one thing, you live with your mother.
Howard: I do not! My mother lives with me.
Sheldon: Well then it's all settled. Kristy will stay with Howard, Penny can go back to her apartment, and I'll watch the last twenty four minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother.
Leonard: Sheldon you can't just dictate -
Sheldon (interrupting): No more talking, everybody go!
Raj: Can we please make a decision? Not only are the children starving in India, there is an Indian starving right here!
Leonard: Okay, now do you really need the Honorary Justice League of America membership card?
Sheldon: It's been in every wallet I've owned since I was five.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: It says, "Keep this on your person at all times". It's right here under Batman's signature.
Leonard: What is this letter doing in the trash?
Sheldon: Well, it may be that a trashcan spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor suggests that someone threw it away.
Penny: So you and Leonard, huh? A little misunderstanding?
Sheldon: A little misunderstanding? Galileo and the pope had a little misunderstanding!
Sheldon: Engineering, where the noble semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Ooompa-Loompas of science.
Sheldon: While Mr. Kim, by virtue of youth and naivete, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me.
Raj: We should laugh derisively at him whenever he walks by. Something that says "You may be smart and capable, but we are as smart and capable as you."
Leonard: And how exactly would that go?
Raj: He-he-he-he!
Howard: That sounds more like "We're a tall, thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatian puppies."
Leonard: Who sells a time machine for 800 dollars?
Sheldon: In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located at the intersection of the sets “no longer want my Time Machine” and “need 800 dollars”.
Penny: Sheldon, can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Well I would prefer that you didn't but I won't go so far as to forbid it.
Penny: ...Okay, I heard 'yes'.
Penny: Has [Leonard] ever been involved with someone who wasn't a brainiac?
Sheldon: Oh, well, a few years ago, he did go out with someone who had a Ph.D. in French Literature.
Penny: How is that not a brainiac?
Sheldon: Well, for one thing, she was French. For another, it was literature
Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.
Leonard: I don't think I can go out with [Penny] tonight.
Sheldon: Then don't.
Leonard: Other people would say, "Why not?"
Sheldon: Other people might be interested
Music: Northern Downpour - Panic At The Disco
Mood: Procrastinating
OK now, I want to watch this show!
ReplyDeleteI am in love with Sheldon. It's so funny and filled with nerdtastic glee!
ReplyDelete