Wednesday, January 27, 2010

You people and your quaint little categories.

I love that my dad somehow thinks it’s unhealthy for a kid to be raised in a same-sex relationship because it “screws them up” when every single day we are surrounded by supposed conventional families who have completely screwed up their kids. It is my belief that every single family is in some way dysfunctional, and every single parent fucks up their kid in some way or another. I sincerely doubt whether you have two mums or two dads is in anyway going to “screw you up” any more than any other family. Right now we’re watching ‘Two and a half men’ and I’m thinking how fucked up they are as a family, and yet here he sits and presumably thinks a gay couple would be a more detrimental influence on their kids than Charlie’s parents evidently were? Uh yeah okay dad.

It makes me angry that I even have to argue this point with him, and with other people, because you know this is the 21st century for crying out loud, and I would have hoped we were beyond such idiocy. See, my problem is I often forget that it is still a problem because I frequent a world where no one so much as bats an eyelid. This means there’s nothing I have come to loathe more than labels and boxes, and it’s fine in my self-contained world but out there in real life, even amongst my friends, things are said that raise my hackles. It’s the subtle labelling, and the barely veiled discomfiture that settles tension in my shoulders and mostly I let it go because what right have I to interfere with the opinions of others when I so vehemently insist everyone is entitled to their own, and besides, it’s not my fight really. That’s just cowardice though because it is, in a way, and moreover I’ve made it my fight by becoming far too used to a discourse that is so blissfully free of societal constraints and expectations, and utterly devoid of judgement, that entering into the “real world” is often jarring and utterly outrageous. Sometimes I just can’t believe the things that go down, the way people seem to think it’s perfectly fine to judge and box and label individuals they have absolutely no knowledge of. I hate it; I absolutely hate it when people do that.

Maybe this peeve is entirely personal because I make a terrible first impression. People hardly ever have an impression that’s even remotely accurate to the person I am. This is mostly because of the AvPD, and general consensus has always been that I am a cold, stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s better than everyone else. This is what comes from sitting in corners reading and never speaking to anyone. The thing is though I am nothing like that – well okay I am a bit of a bitch but only when I’ve been pushed to my limit, and hey, aren’t we all? But if anyone actually made the effort to talk to me, to get to know me, they’d realise I’m not that bad at all...and you could say that I should make the effort and speak to other people but then I’m not the one drawing conclusions, and I am the one with the “issues." It’s not about making friends or any such nonsense though, this is merely about preconceived notions, and it is not my responsibility to go about making sure people have the “right” idea about me. They shouldn’t be drawing conclusions and making judgements without facts, and that is the point.

I feel like here I have to classify that I realise when you’re different, being scrutinised is unavoidable and this isn’t what essentially bothers me. I don’t mind being gawked at like a freak, what I do mind is people telling me how to live my life. By all means gawk, but don’t ever presume you have the right to judge me for it. All of us are different; some of us have the courage to acknowledge that, none of us have the right to force another person into a particular way of life. This can be anything, from someone's preference in music and art, to their sexuality, or religious preferences. Whatever that person is, whatever they like or believe or want, that is entirely their business. I have gotten so blasé about other people’s preferences, something in no small part due to the TW fandom, that I often worry that in my ever increasing frustration at others’ closed minds, I myself am becoming more judgemental. I mean if I’m judging others for judging, am I not just as bad?

Music: Future freaks me out - Motion City Soundtrack
Mood: Annoyed


  1. Your jedi mind tricks failed to work on me. I always thought you were cool, friendly and a kindred spirit. It was probably the matching t-shirts that did it =D

    But I do understand what you're saying, especially on the gay parents front. People still fail to see it as who a person is, not a random choice they made one day. I confess I'm quite judgemental of the barbie clones and welfare bogans and sometimes I am ashamed of it because I don't know these people but then one of them will open their mouth and say things like "I hope my 15 year old girl gets pregnant soon so we get more from centrelink" and every fibre of my being quivers with disgust. So apologies for any past and future box-labelling that I may do, I think a lot of it is subconscious. These people make me uncomfortable with their apparent lack of self-worth and it throws off my happy little equilibrium.

    Woah that's far too deep for 8am in the morning. I'm going back to my tea now.

  2. That's the thing though, we all do it, whether conciously or subconciously, we look at someone or we hear something and we make an assessment. Once you have that it's incredibly hard to shake and often we're quite happy to just carry on along with that idea that could be entirely off-base. I guess it's base human instinct, and goes with the abilty to assess and identify threats. That's what annoys me, the fact that it's so coded into people's being when, take away biological responses and such, no one really has any right to claim moral superiority over someone else in order to judge them.