It's ridiculous of course, but it fucking hurts to think that something that you did for such a huge part of your life, that formed part of the most defining aspects of growing up, has been lost in this wave of well, life, I suppose. And yeah ok, I didn't take up playing again after we moved here because it just hurt too fucking much to look at a chess board and think of everything I had to leave behind. Now I suppose I'm better able to deal with those memories cause I've moved on and I have a life here and I realise it doesn't matter that it was all ripped out from under me. Playing again doesn't necessarily mean replacing those time, and no, it won't be the same as it was, it can never be the same, and I will always love those boys more than they could ever possibly know, but I don't want to lose the whole thing all together. So now I'm thinking I should possibly join some club. Except everyone I've seen around here appear to be nerdy, stereotypical chess players. We were never nerdy. We were always in bloody trouble. But jesus, if I can't remember what en passant is I need to seriously get some practice. I did not spend HOURS of my life staring at little black and white squares to the point where I had to take pills to sleep, just to forget it all. I mean where's the point in that?
It just really caught me off gaurd.
Music: Law & Order
Mood: Surprised
No comments:
Post a Comment