Of being out of one's depth and other misadventures

I am such a loser. SUCH a loser. I realise now I shouldn't have turned down those boys when I was in high school. I was trying not to mess them around but really I should have been using them for practice like every other girl with half a brain was doing. Sure, I don't necessarily want to date, but damn if the dating hasn't found me. And I have noooo idea what I'm doing. It is rather terrifying. Well no, it fluctuates between being utterly hilarious and rather terrifying. I can't make up my mind which. Not the dating itself, as much as its end/aftermath. I think I need to be a bit drunk to deal with that in the future. Definite note to self.

I've never had the time, patience, or inclination to mess around with this whole thing. It's something that's always just baffled me and I couldn't care less. Because I am an oblivious fruitcake, it turns out I've gone on a series of dates without even realising it. I...I don't even know. Of course last night I had more of an inkling that it was in fact a date, but I chose to ignore it since ignorance does wonders for my tendency to over-think things. And I enjoy his company, before it becomes an issue for me, I wanted to enjoy it some more. So yes, off I went. There was dinner, there was a spectacularly awful 70s movie and much mocking of spectacularly awful b-horror movie trailers. Then there was sitting in the pub near the station for two hours just talking about nothing. I wasn't drinking since I suspected it would be another late one and had no way to get home, so I left it at two rum and cokes, and bought him a lot of beer. Hm. Perhaps I should not be feeding the boy alcohol. But I figured it was only fair, he paid for me last time and he paid for dinner, and I'm sorry but I am not some mooch. But anyway, I veer spectacularly off topic. At twelve thirty I draw the line because I am not taking the night bus home. Of course there's a half hour wait for the damn train and we're on the same platform. By now I am freezing, for I am cursed to always be cold. So hey, dude's right there, might as well put him to good use. He really is a complete gentleman but I feel like smacking him upside the head. Don't leave it to me to make the first move on anything, I don't do this sort of thing! Ever! I don't know what's going on. Eventually his train pulls up before mine and there's the obligatory snogging (I know I am such a romantic aren't I). I think I may have ended thing sooner than he would have liked.

As I'm sitting on the train home trying to convince the group of guys sharing the carraige with me that I am actually this tall and 2cm of cowboy boot does not make that much of a difference, my brain kicks in with a very definite Monty Python 'run aaaaaaway!' I hate being out of my depth. I'm not used to it. And I'm terrified of letting anyone get close to me. That's why in the past when a guy has shown any interest, I get the hell out of there as fast as I possibly can and never look back. I cannot even explain it. Luckily, Em was up finishing season 3 of Doctor Who (something I only knew thanks to the expected freak-out message over 'Blink') and could calmly point out that I should stop acting like an idiot. Well okay, that's not what she said, she was much nicer and more rational, but that was the overall message I'm taking aboard.

Anyway he seems unperturbed by my insanity if his early morning messages are anything to go by. This is such a new thing for me. Not just the dating thing, but a guy that is older than me, smarter than me, completely understanding of my fangirling, and unconcerned with my vocalised appreciation of Stuart Broad. It's all very strange.

But I will now go back to not thinking about it and being indifferent to any protocol. It works much better for me. That and vodka. Honestly, can't I just slap a 'n00b' sticker on my forehead and get it over and done with? It'll really save time in the long run.

On my usual front of useless information, I hear they've confirmed the 'Captain America' movie to go ahead, in the lead up to what will no doubt be an Avengers franchise (btw when I say I've been watching 'The Avengers' I mean the old school television show, with Steed and his umbrella, not the comic series.) Sam Worthington is the man of the moment, so his name is being thrown around for it but there has also been rumours of John Barrowman.. Uuuh. I fear if he plays another Captain, my brain may implode from failure to compute.

A not so subtle segway to the Whoniverse, both Torchwood and Doctor Who have made an io9 list of the worst moments for Sci-Fi and Fantasy television for the year, it is pretty sparse but it be here. Those TW kids have also made the news again. Meanwhile, Top Gear has been voted the best TV show of the decade (not sure who was running the voting), followed by Doctor Who, The Simpsons and The Office. That same list has Snow Patrol's 'Chasing Cars' as the song of the decade, ahead of 'Rehab' and 'Mr. Brightside.'

I must admit I'm still finding it hard to believe a decade has passed. A whole decade! Why did they have to point it out? Of course, the passing must be marked so Lizzie is coming over for NYE shenanigans. There will be dinner and movies and ill-conceived cocktails. Can't wait for 2010 to get here!

Music: Life on Mars? - David Bowie
Mood: Sleepy