Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Take some time to warm it with your hands

I am cold and I don’t want to work.

I get the feeling this is going to be the refrain for the entire winter. Why don’t I dress warmer you ask? Well, I’m already wearing three layers. And half the time I keep my coat and my scarf on as well. I can’t dress any warmer than this. Of course, I probably wouldn’t be this cold if the air con in our office actually worked.Our office here referring to the little shoebox hanging above the warehouse that my deputy editor and I share, and air con to our pathetic wall unit that seems to be objecting to warmth. It stutters to life for a couple of minutes and then promptly gives up again, long before the chill has really been taken off the room. My fingers are sore from the typing/cold combo. As you should know, dear blogosphere, I do not take kindly to winter, so this isn’t going down well.

But is it just me, or is it colder than usual? I’m freezing all the time and it’s not even properly winter yet. I have been consistently late to work for the last week because I simply can’t get out of bed. It is dark. And cold. And I refuse to wake up.

No, I don’t know why I’m moving to Europe either. But at least they have heating that actually works.

In non-weather related news, I have officially been employed here one year. Drum roll! Fanfare! It feels a lot longer. Now I can technically leave and it won’t look dodgy on my resume. Of course, I can’t really leave. No well paying job will have me for only six months. Why I’m worried about well-paying, I don’t know. It’s not like it’s all that great here. I’d ask for a raise but hey, the publishing industry is screwed, what can you do.

On we plod.

Only four more weeks of uni left. That’s it. Holy crap. It’s weird not to have any immediate plans for study in my future. I’ve gotten so used to it! I’ve been thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know) - considering the state of publishing and the fact that it’s death to my creativity, I should just get a job at a uni. Even in admin or something to start with. Then when I do my PhD, I can always start tutoring. I like how I say when, not if – I’m such a sucker for punishment. I still don’t think I’d be a particularly great tutor, but who knows. Actually, I’d rather not talk about future career plans or anything like that, it just depresses me. Woe.

I’m finally taking that French course I’ve been going on about for the last two years. See, I get there in the end! It’s two hours on Monday nights and it’s actually quite good fun. There’s about six weeks left on that, might keep going with it, just have to wait and see how it goes. Hopefully I can actually retain what I’ve learnt, that’s the big thing.

Um. What else? I’m in a bit of trouble as I have to submit a title for something I haven’t written or, you know, researched. Mostly forgot about, in fact. Now I’m scrabbling about, trying very hard not to panic. Failing, but I should get an A for effort. At least I have finally managed to write a decent piece for my uni writing project, so I can roll on with that and hopefully my 15,000 words will come together in a halfway decent fashion. That was freaking me out so much. I can’t even begin to explain how hard it is for me to write creatively these days, to do my own writing. It’s like my brain’s just shut down and I have to bleed for every word. I blame my job entirely for this. I’m going to try and finish all that off this weekend before the rot sets in again.

In general though, I’m just tired all the time, sort of on the borderline of having a cold, and trying very hard to do everything all at once. So really, it’s just business as usual.

Music: Sowing Season - Brand New

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