In which Traffic becomes my Nemesis

First thing, thanks for all the good luck wishes (even though I asked for them). You are all so very sweet!

Secondly, what is up with the latest Christina Aguilera song? Now that I'm driving in peak hours and actually listening to popular radio, I would like to take this moment to say....aaaaaaagh. Why can't they just pick a style and stick to it, instead of constantly "re-inventing" themselves to sound like whatever is popular...which at the moment is Lady Gaga. And I don't think it really work for Christina to be honest. Also to local band Amy Meredith, they were called Panic! At The Disco and they did it four years ago - and better too.

Ahem. Moving on.

I have survived two days as one of the working masses. I can't say it's exactly inspirational. I don't rightly know if I like the job or not, I'm still too busy trying to figure out what is actually happening. I have been quite productive though - I think so anyway - and I have managed to get my account set up and all the files I need transferred, so hopefully this means I will be able to be a functioning team member. I work in an office surveying the warehouse with one other person, the deputy editor (though there are desks for about four others). The entire space is covered in magazines and packaging material. I'm going to be in there alone a lot of the time, as the deputy editor goes out on shoots and such. Which is, frankly, the way I prefer it. The rest of the section I'm in is populated by girls, mostly around my age - I noticed one lone guy today, I could practically see his will to live draining as one of the others kept going on about training and calories. I exaggerate. Everyone is super friendly, always a plus. So yes, on we plod.

I had the horrendous experience of driving in for uni today - thought I'd have a brain aneurysm
before I got there. It was dark with rain absolutely bucketing down so I could barely see, I had no idea where I was going, my GPS was being woefully ineffective in the CBD environment, and when I eventually fought my way through 40 minutes of traffic and got to the parking area I had chosen previously, it was closed. At this point, killing myself really seemed like the least painful option. I deserve a medal for persevering, trudging back through the traffic to a parking garage that would charge me almost double, but which was closer to my class so I only got mostly wet walking to it. I was miserable by the time I got there, let me tell you. It was of course whimsical and philosophical as always, which is great, you know, except that it feels like you're covering the same ground again and again to little effect. Sigh.

At least there was hot chocolate when I got home. That goes a long way to restoring the will to live of this slightly damp, headache inflicted, mildly stressed individual. Now press repeat.

Music: NCIS LA
Mood: Headache

Yes, I am alive

So, couple of things.

1) Zombie plague flu has infiltrated the household thanks to my dad, it rapidly spread and I have been fighting it off with a wide-variety of things to varying degrees of success. One day I think I've triumphed completely, the next I am not so sure. But we deal.



2) Regardless of the various levels of illness, I have been in a much better mood this week, and it seems the emo teenager has run away for the time being. Life's better when you're not stressing about everything, said Captain Obvious.

3) I have only one major assignment left to do - 1,500 word essay for critical writing. I still need to source the big essay for that subject, but it has been written and everything is basically tied up. This just leaves the Torchwood essay, but at least I won't be stressing too much about things now that I have gainful full-time employment.

4) Saturday was my last day at the Doctor's surgery, they were all very sweet and even got me flowers. I would have been there four years this June, so it is a bit of an adjustment. All this of course means...

5) Tomorrow I start my new job, so wish me luck.

Music: Doctor Who
Mood: Sleepy

Always nice to see you Watson

I haven't been blogging, I know, terrible. I haven't really been online to be honest. I also haven't been doing work, and that is far, far worse. Oh well. Recap.

Bit of a mad weekend. Had graduation on Friday which was a lot less hectic than the last one. I got home after a bit of an odd day at work dodging the cold shoulder, and set off to lunch with my parents. I took them to the Blackbird Cafe on the harbour for an absolutely gorgeous late lunch, followed by the graduation ceremony, which was mind-numbingly dull. Luckily I sat next to one of the girls who was of similar mind as me last year, and we passed the time with many amusing remarks. The only way to go. My dad got me a giant bouquet of flowers, it's really pretty too. It's all glittered up with ladybugs and butterflies glued on - roses, lavender and carnations. Complete with balloon. Prettiest bouquet I've ever gotten. Mum got me 'Sherlock Holmes' after it finally came out on DVD. I was quite a happy soul.

I can't remember what I did Saturday, but it wasn't what I was supposed to. Oh no, that's right, I organised the study. Everything that's meant to be hung up now is. It's virtually all done except for the photos I'm still to print for the various photo frames hanging about the place - I've been trying to sort that out for over a year but other things keep distracting me. Also, I'm out of ink. Meh. Sunday was of course Mother's Day and, as dad was working, Mum and I spent the day shopping. It wasn't our intention (I was supposed to come home early and do some work) but that's how it played out in the end. We got five pairs of shoes between us, and a whole lot of new work clothes. I also picked up my latest 'best jacket ever' from Sportsgirl. It was a really lovely girly day.

Now I refuse to let today fall into the same unproductive black hole, so onwards we must trudge. R and I have a challenge going on to see if we can finish everything we said we would by Thursday at the latest. Someone yell motivational catch phrases at me while I work!

Music: My teeth clattering
Mood: Cold as bloody usual

Where's the present in the way that you present yourself

Music: Do better - Say Anything
Mood: Working

Give me a reason to break with tradition

Last night James and I went to see Dead Cat Bounce at the Factory Theatre as part of the Sydney Comedy Festival. I highly recommend you go while you can (they're there until Friday.) It was absolutely fabulous, and I don’t say that just because I’m ever so slightly in lust with the lead singer. There’s something about him that reminds me of someone, but I cannot figure it out – I think it may be a goofy TAI-TV-esque William Beckett.

Anyway, DCB are a four piece Irish comedy band with wonderful songs about learning to drive, nights on the town, and rugby. Things everyone has struggled with at some point or another *cough* Here they are performing at the Opening Gala of the Melbourne Comedy Festival:



It was after seeing this that I decided I had to go to a show. It was a truly fun time, they’ve got great chemistry. I think I need them to follow me around just singing funny songs all day.

Now for a neurotic, self-indulgent update -

They actually gave me the job. How bizarre. It's a crazy busy role, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it...hopefully. There's no one there to actually teach me, but hey. I start on the 17th, now I have to fun task of resigning from my current position. Ugh I feel so guilty leaving them! But no, I must stay strong.

The major drag with having a real job is going to be the eight hour days that for me will have to start at like 5.30 or some equally obscene time (in winter too, I weep for my future). The office is in Ryde which is technically only 20 minutes away, but with traffic it's sadly over an hour. I have asked whether I can start and finish early, so I have time to get to the city for class at 6, so that means I have the lovely work hours of 7.30 - 4. My best friend is going to be my keepcup.

What this means is mostly that my social life is going to wither and die, and I may never see my friends again. While uni is on, I mean. Of course the option is there to go part-time, and add an extra semester onto my Masters. See how we go, I suppose.

On the plus side, it's a good position to have on le resume and there's the joy of steady income and sick leave. And being paid for public holidays. Imagine that!

Aaanyway, they've given me unpaid leave from 14 - 23 June to go to this symposium. With staff travel we are usually told not to fly Friday through Sunday, but I'll see if I have any luck getting out late on the 11th (I think the London flight is something like 8pm, isn't it?) That'll give me a zombie day in London before heading off, and then returning on the 19th. I'll try to get a flight home Monday, which gets me here Wednesday I think, leaving a day to vegetate before going back to work. Phew. Luckily uni is finished by then, or my brain might melt.

Speaking of uni, um yeah, suddenly SO MUCH WORK. You see procrastination, if we did this in the break like we were supposed to, we wouldn't have this problem now. Sigh. I am supposed to volunteer at the Writer's Festival (only two days but with compulsory orientation this Saturday) but now I think I should probably pass on that, and focus on getting these assignments out of the way asap. So I'm not stressing myself to death as I am inclined to do. You may have noticed.

Now I must stop and go to the hairdresser. Graduation tomorrow.

Music: Everything is alright - Motion City Soundtrack
Mood: Cold

The blind leading the lame

My perfectionism, this godforsaken compulsion to be perfect, to be all things to everyone at all times, is immobilising me. I thought I had a handle on it, but apparently not when it comes to the big picture. I feel like my entire life has fallen into complete chaos. Most people would be happy at developments in their lives, but I am not most people. In trying to deal with the instability that comes with these developments, I constantly doubt myself and all my decisions. I have no equilibrium, and I hate it.

The thing that’s really throwing me for a loop is this unexpected job business. I mean really, what am I doing? Am I really that arrogant that I think I can take on a busy full-time job and study Masters full-time? A full time job in magazine publishing no less, in which I have absolutely no formal training. Then there’s the angst of having to tell the practice manager that I’m leaving and thereby leaving her hanging. But I cannot please everyone, and I cannot do things in life just to accommodate others, and I have to take the opportunities when they come. Somewhere within me I know this, but it’s like I can't quite process it.

Then there’s the Cardiff thing. Oh dear. See, if these things happened separately, there wouldn’t be a problem, but as they’re both virtually going down simultaneously, I’m not quite dealing as well as I perhaps should. I cannot plan anything, because nothing is certain at the moment. If I get this job, and mind you it is a big ‘if’ since I’ve told them about the Cardiff thing, it means I won’t be able to take as long as I would have liked, I’d virtually be in and out, and straight back to work. Disappointing on one hand, necessary on the other.

I don’t want to sacrifice one thing in favour of the other. I don’t want to have to deal with this indecision and uncertainty. I want my life to be organised, to be certain, I cannot deal with this, well, everything. I feel like my head is going to explode from all the scenarios running through it. I’m trying so hard to deal with things the way a normal person would, to think of things in a healthy context, but I’m failing miserably. And I’m stressed, I’m stressed. I’m trying to write a creative piece, finish my critical essay, write the reviews, and write the Torchwood paper. I just don’t understand what I was thinking, what was I possibly thinking when I brought this all upon myself. Did I think I could handle it? What, do I not know myself at all?

But that is unhealthy. That’s not the way I’m supposed to be looking at things. It’s good that I took chances on things as they presented themselves, it’s good that I was confident enough to explore basically on the spur-of-the-moment. These are all things you’re supposed to do, behaviour that is supposed to help get rid of that “all-or-nothing” mentality. I have my moments of clarity, I have these periods of times where I think I’ve mastered it, but at the end of the day I’m dealing with hypotheticals. When these things see the light of day, I’m right back where I started and I can’t so much as breathe for the belief I’m doing it wrong.

It’s hard constantly being a disappointment to yourself.

Music: Hate everyone - Say Anything
Mood: Stressed

One more thing

I'm going to start working now. I promise.

Music: Night and Day - Kevin Kline, John Barrowman
Mood: Writing

And since then I've been so good at vanishing

Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free
And a little bit empty

No it isn't so hard to get close to me
There will be no arguments, we'll always agree
And I'll try and be kind when I ask you to leave
We'll both take it easy

Music: Take it easy (love nothing) - Bright Eyes
Mood: Sleepy

Iron Man love-in masquerading as a review

For some reason, I am fascinated by the fact that Iron Man 2 was written by Justin Theroux, who I know as he-of-the-dodgy-Irish-accent, Seamus O'Grady from Charlie's Angels 2. You know, the guy who was trying to kill Drew Barrymore? Not really relevant to anything, just an observation on my part.

Oh by the way, spoiler warning, so if you haven't seen the movie yet and intend to do so, go away and stop wasting time. I know, I'm rude, some of that Stark ego has transferred it seems.



I did not have any particular expectations of this film, other than I wanted to have a good time. The first one was such a surprisingly great movie, I never once thought the sequel could live up to it. Sequels hardly ever do, after all - The Matrix Reloaded, Spider-Man 2, there's an exhaustive list. I must admit, for the first few minutes of the film, I wasn't sold either. Mikey Rourke's Ivan Venko didn't quite pull out the "Noooooo!" moment, but it was close, and this all before the opening sequence even finished. Hm. But then Tony came on, and I forgot to care. If ever there was proof that flawed, dysfunctional characters were the most interesting, he is it. Within the first fifteen minutes, the conflict, setting and characters are all introduced, and we're ready to get on with it. We do so with a bang.

Except for the plot hole at the Monaco Grand Prix (If no-one knew Tony was going to race, how did Ivan know? I suppose he could have gone just to terrorise Tony in general, and the race was just a luck. But it seems a bit too much like a happy coincidence that he's part of the intervention team), it's a tight story that keeps moving. It clocks in at just over two hours, and it definitely benefits from good pacing. Nothing worse than a film that drags in the middle *cough* Spider-Man *cough* I like a film with a convoluted storyline, I've heard complaints that there is too much happening in this film but I thought it all dove-tailed well in the end. The personal angst of Tony's rapid deterioration contrasts well with the combined team of the competitive Justin Hammer and the personal vendetta of Venko.



By far my favourite thing about this film is the fast witty dialogue - it's not just fun and effective, it's also intelligent. The Pepper/Tony interaction in particular is still blindingly quick. They've kept little things that recall the golden moments of the first film, but it's subtle and well-crafted, not just put in for comedic effect (something the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is guilty of.) All I really wanted of this film was the same attitude and sense of humour of the first, and it delivered, in spades. I think what sets Iron Man apart from many other superhero franchises is the fact that all the characters are well-developed. They're not just stand-ins to round out the lead, but they're given agency in their own right which in turn gives depth to the lead. You can believe in all of these characters as individuals who exist on their own terms when they're not on screen. They are not just props, or a means to an end, they build on each other. They have their own agendas and motivation, their own reasons for being, and that makes the entire thing much more interesting.

I just have to mention that Sam Rockwell, who plays weapons manufacturer Justin Hammer, is perhaps the most disco villain ever. Something about him is just so...disco. There's no other way to describe it. Actually, you might remember him from the first Charlie's Angels film, in which he played much the same villain - I think there was dancing in that one too. He is a phenomenal actor though, as I'm sure anyone who has seen 'Moon' would agree. I like the three piece suit look he sports in the film actually, it's better than the long jacket they've got RDJ in at the start. But I digress. The acting in this film is really solid all round, from Samuel Jackson's Nick Fury, Scarlett Johanssen's Natalie Rushman/Natasha Romanov, Don Cheadle as Rhodey, and Rourke's turn as Ivan Vanko (it's always the Russians), I'm on board for all of them.



By the way, revelation, how did I never notice that Paul Bettany was the voice of Jarvis, the world's coolest computer? Aaaah, brain freeze. (Now I want to watch 'A Knight's Tale', I know, my brain works in weird ways.)

Anyway, as my friends know, I have always had a strong aversion to comic-book/superhero movies. Spider-Man is my least favourite of the lot, though I am contractually obliged to see them all with lovely R whenever they come out as she is a big fan - I'm always willing to support others' fandoms. But through the years, I've generally tried to stay as far away from hero films as possible, I found them painfully didactic, predictable, cliched, and rather dull. Mostly because I never cared about the characters. I don't care about Peter Parker, I don't care about Clark Kent, they're boring, one-dimensional characters that I wish would be crushed by the ludicrous villain, but I know they won't be because they're superheroes and so frankly, why should I sit through a film I already know the outcome of? What has actually always annoyed me, and this is especially true of the Superman franchise (the old-school animation actually), is the way this near-invincible character always gets their ass kicked half-way through the thing and it's this big, dramatic "oh no!" moment, but you know he's going to get back up at the end and defeat the villain anyway. Not to mention the whining, and perfection. It's so formulaic, I can't bring myself to be interested. It's the same reason I don't read generic romance novels, I know from the first page exactly how it's going to play out. Now I know most things in life are derivative, and I'm not asking them to re-invent the wheel here, merely to pimp it out - make it interesting, give me something to care about. As it turns out, there are only three comic-book film franchises that I've watched and adored: X-Men, Batman (Nolan's) and Iron Man. They still had the formulaic story arcs, but they also had conflicted and multi-faceted characters that I could actually become invested in.

So, when Tony Stark stares into the mirror in Iron Man 2, thinking he's going to die, I feel it, and right there is the strength of this franchise; well-rounded characters that you want to believe in, faults and all.

Music: Thunderstruck - AC/DC
Mood: Procrastinating

Mischievous leprechaun shenanigans

First things first, here is a list of 38 reasons why Iron Man is cooler than Darth Vader. I want Tony Stark. Make it happen, minions.

Oh wait, I don't have minions. That's definitely going on the to-do list. Note to self: Become supervillain.

International/intergalactic villainy does not seem so far fetched in light of the madness of the last two days - my entire life seems to have received some sort of electric shock and is suspended in the air.

I applied randomly for a job Wednesday night - being in one of those moods where I lamented the fact that I appear to be constantly broke - and got a callback the next day. This never happens! I was completely stunned. They organised an interview for the next day, so off I went yesterday. It went really well. I think this proves yet again that the key to a good job interview is to be completely indifferent to the outcome. It's an entry-level position, so it's definitely not rocket science, but it is a good opportunity, and the pay isn't bad, so it's definitely something I will consider should they offer it to me.

On the other hand, my proposal was accepted for the Torchwood symposium, which means I'm off to Cardiff in June. My bank account has had a seizure at the thought. I swing between excitement and nauseating nervousness. I hate giving presentations, what was I thinking even applying for this? To be honest I never thought I'd actually get it. But on the other hand, UK! I get to see Abbi a whole lot sooner than anticipated! Woo! The travel potential is partially why I applied for it. I'm such a conflicted individual. Of course, now I have to write the paper and study it and do fake presentations until I can do it in my sleep....and get new anti-anxiety meds so I don't suffer a coronary en-route. Minor details.

The problem of course is, if I get the job offer, they probably won't want me swanning off less than two months after starting - but this is a great academic opportunity, especially if I'm looking at doing a PhD in this line.

It's just funny how I thought I had everything planned, I had dug myself into a happy little rut and life was just going along unperturbed, then suddenly everything is surrounded in maybes and what ifs.

Anyway, I'm off to the movies with Lizzie. I'll give your regards to Tony Stark.

Music: Super 14
Mood: Confused