Saturday, August 20, 2011

The insufferable state of being

My father is frankly being insufferable. So much so that I've actually dreaded coming home. He's been whining about his knee for about three months now, finally went to see a specialist and was informed he's torn his cartilage. Ouch. I know. I'm not denying that it is so not a fun position to be in. But now that he's had his diagnosis confirmed, he wanders around like a war victim. I'd feel sorry for him but he feels sorry enough for himself as it is, my pity would be wasted. Not only is he overcome with self-pity, he's endlessly demanding. And because we can't continually placate his melodramatics, he becomes petulant and grumpy. Mum and I are on the edge. So anyway, he has to have an operation in some point in the future and I shudder to think what he'll be like on crutches.

I've mainly sequestered myself in my room to read and avoid confrontations. Best way to go about it, I feel. I get annoyed though because he'll get on my case for not watching the shows I record on IQ, but then he's constantly hogging the television so I never have a chance to actually watch anything. No win situation. Not that logic enters his arguments - he told me off on Tuesday because there were leaves on my car when I got back from work. Apparently parking under trees is now strictly verboten. I just...I can't.

Besides that, I've taken some time off work to start properly working on my TW chapter. Spent Thursday and Friday researching. I was so looking forward to spending some quality time in the State Library - imagine my disappointment when I got here at 9am on Thursday to find it closed for refurbishment. Woe. The UTS library is a poor substitute, but hey, at least I got work done. I have about ten pages of notes - not sure how relevant it all is but it's a start at least.

Of course I had a total moment of panic about it all. I feel so desperately unqualified to be writing this. I mean really, who cares about what I have to say? I'm just some random person. But I can't really turn my back on the opportunity, as much as part of me just wants to flee. And I do enjoy it - I just doubt the validity of my work.

Anyway, as I am feeling less than well at the moment, I'm just lying about today, trying to make a dent in my disturbingly huge (and continually growing) To Be Read pile. So many books, so little time.

Music: Dark blue - Jack's Mannequin


  1. I TOTALLY feel you in this. Massive hugs. I had a fight with mum Friday night because we spent the night watching what she wanted to watch and after she had been asleep in front of the TV for an hour I changed to True Blood and she cracked the shits. I'm sorry but how long do you have to be asleep in front of the TV before you lose remote control rights? I pay rent, half the electricity bill, the internet, groceries, etc, I should be allowed to watch what I want every now and then!

  2. Did I miss the bit about the TW chapter? What are you writing? Tell one more!