When smileys go bad

I think my quote of the day is something I just said to Abs - "You're not even a smiley, you're just punctuation gone wrong!"

I'm not giving context.

Today has been a bit manic, I'm operating on like two hours sleep thanks to a dose of stressing-about-inevitable-things insomnia and it was agony having to wake up. Work was luckily busy so I didn't feel like I was going to slowly wither and die. The stress hadn't quite left me yet so I spent the morning cleaning the surgery when I had some down time - this is a curious habit I've noticed recently - I clean when I'm stressed.

I had a meeting about exchange opportunities at 2 so I had to leave straight after work. It was fairly disheartening as I can't see how any post-graduate can reasonably afford it. As a post-grad student you aren't entitled to many of the scholarships, and they recommend that you have at least $10,000 to cover you for the semester. I can't save that much in a year! What am I, the mint? I've been accepted into this leadership program at UTS which suggests courses and internships as well, but again, post-grads aren't entitled to the scholarships and loans. Which is a shame because I wouldn't have minded doing a short course of history or literature at Cambridge. But c'est la guerre. I'm just going to everything and keeping my options open.

I had good intentions of working in the library afterwards as I was supposed to meet Em for dinner later, but the place was absolutely packed. I could not find an open table. The nerds! So I dragged myself back the way I had come to see if I could find a little nook in the Tower. While I was there, I checked up on my application to be exempt from Non-Fiction since I hadn't heard anything and was getting a bit nervous (it is a core subject and I need it to do my writing core). All was well and I had been granted an automatic credit. I was hoping to have all distinctions and higher this semester, but one credit won't hurt the average, as long as the others stay up, so I'm not going to fuss over it. They then informed me that I've actually been eligible for a travel concession this entire time but no longer, as I only have two subjects, and that I should come back next semester to have it validated. Ah universities, one person says A, another says B, and they never speak to each other. The joy.

Aaaaanyway, I did find a little nook and was highly amused when another student plonked down beside me, arranged his laptop, shuffled his papers, looked very purposeful and then promptly fell asleep, head on the keyboard. That's the kind of dedication I love to see at uni. I myself didn't get much work done to be honest. I wrote a really vague piece on what I wish to pursue in one of my critical pieces and then did some work on this vampire fic I've been writing. I continued with this in Gloria Jeans later and felt like such a cliche, sitting in Newtown and writing about vampires *shakes head*

In my mad dash out of the house this morning, I had stupidly forgotten Em's belated birthday/christmas present *headdesk* But at least I got to see her, it feels like it's been forever. We had a lovely dinner and, in typical us fashion, were home by 8. Yes, we are nanas. I'll hopefully get to catch up with R soon, I haven't seen her in even longer. Trying to match schedules is just obscene. Stupid so-called real world *mutters*

Now hopefully I manage to get some sleep tonight, otherwise I have very little chance of staying awake for critical writing. My only saving grace in that class is copious amounts of caffeine.

Music: Real World - The All American Rejects
Mood: Bored

We had the greatest expectations

> Day 24: Whatever tickles your fancy

These are getting so redundant. Hmm. Well since I’m on a bit of a Gaslight Anthem binge at the moment, here is my current top 10 favourite TGA songs. Not only do I find their bluesy garage punk completely infectious, they also have some brilliantly evocative imagery – I just need one amazing line to be suckered in. I'll provide my vague reasons for the first five, lyrics for all.

1. 1930
This is number one mostly because I read far too much into it. There is a melancholy in it, a deep truth about grief and healing, that just breaks my heart.

But Mary, I found the sound,
and if this heart keeps pouring it out,
The glory hasn't come,
and it's probably gonna fade,
like a tattoo that hides this shame.
But reasons always fade.
The pain gives out some day.
So I’m saying my goodbyes to your deep blue eyes,
cause I don’t know how say, to stay still in the pain.
"Stay still in the pain."

2. Say I won’t (recognize)
This is one of my favourite driving songs, I just like singing along to it with the windows open and the night settling around me.

Call up your girlfriends to come out tonight,
I'll call up my best friends to come out tonight
We'll put on our best shirts, our finest cologne
And we'll turn the Casanova on.
Come on out Maria and lose the tragic.
Come on out Maria and we'll show you some magic.
Meet on the warm sand and waltz out the twilight,
and watch the carnival lights explode.

3. Great Expectations
I'm obsessed with the imagery in this song. It's also got a great sing-a-long chorus. This, and the previous one, feature on almost all of my driving playlists.

And they burned up the diner
Where I always used to find her
Licking young boys blood from her claws.
And I learned about the Blues from this kitten that I knew,
Her hair was raven, and her heart was like a tomb
My heart’s like a wound.

4. I’da called you Woody, Joe
This one was written about Joe Strummer and The Clash. I relate to it on a complete visceral level.

And then I heard it like a shot through my skull to my brain,
I felt my fingertips tingle and it started to rain,
When the walls of my bedroom were tremblin' around me,
This ramshackle voice over attack of a bluesbeat,
Tellin' me he's only looking for fun.
This was the sound of the very last gang in town

5. Wooderson
I think initially I misunderstood this song, but it's stuck with me. Again it's a sentiment that I feel I can relate to - wanting to be where you are, but always wanting to be somewhere else.

You see this town pulls my heart strings,
I fell in love with the Shrewsbury stars
But you see there’s far too many diamonds,
In the back seats of borrowed cars
And I could never stop this burning, honey
I can’t tell no lies,
I could never stand no weather.
Darling, this heart is on fire

6. Film Noir

I'm all washed out by the side of the road.
Broken bones Matilda left a note and a rose.
Saying "Baby honey child, I loved you so long but you deserve much better than me"

So I'm just burning all around.
All the miles in the road.
And I'm never going back.
And I'm never going home.
I've been gone too long.
I've been less right than wrong.
I've lost so much blood in the falling out.

And I lit a fire that wouldn't go out.
Until it consumed the walls and roof of this house.
Until all I remember was burning away.
And all I remember, you're burnin' away.

7. The 59 Sound

Did you hear the '59 Sound coming through on grandmother's radio?
Did you hear the rattling chains in the hospital walls?
Did you hear the old gospel choir when they came to carry you over?
Did you hear your favorite song one last time?

8. The Naveskin Banks

I walked down by the shipyards
Near the place where I was born
Saying "Ah maria, if you woulda known me when..."
But she only smiles, by the light on the Navesink banks
Saying "Listen baby, I know you now"
And she steps into the river
And I just stand by the moon
Thinkin' 'bout a ghost I hear at night
And she says your first sin was a lie you told yourself

9. We’re getting a divorce, you keep the diner

On a Sunday morning the whole crowd assembled,
I've done some things that I'm not too proud of.
I've never left you, a deaf ear for longing.
Some hearts are gallows, I'm not here for hangin' around.

10. Red at Night

Was a blood red sky on the morning tide
Was a cold wind blowing when I left that night
And the morning bells rang, alright, alright
Shoulda stayed home with you that night
Ain't nobody played the fool like I
Ain't nobody played the fool like I

Music: Great Expectations - The Gaslight Anthem
Mood: Bored

Smell of cinders and rain

Consistent blogging hasn't been a strong point lately, I don't know what's going on. I just don't seem to get around to it. I suppose I've been busy.

It's been a trying weekend at home, we had one of our large-scale falling outs on Friday so for most of the time no one was talking to anyone else. The atmosphere has been toxic and I haven't been very productive. It's too exhausting.

I've been reading for most part - I finished The Road on Friday morning, which wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I do think it tries a little too hard but I thought it was quite easy to get through, especially since I tried to do it in one sitting (I find once I put something down that I don't actually want to read, picking it up again is a nightmare - case in point Great Expectations which I still haven't finished.) The most annoying thing about it for me personally is not knowing what caused this apocalypse. It seems general consensus (within my class anyway) is nuclear attack but this makes no sense to me - if it is indeed the whole world that is affected, where did the attack originate? Or was it one of those situations where both powers pushed the button at the same time? And besides that, why isn't everyone dead then? I mean sure, some people could survive and if they remained within that area, that would be alright, but we are talking about people roaming for thousands of miles, through desolate cities, drinking the water from rivers, streams and lakes - I'm sorry, but they should all be dying from radiation poisoning. So, I suppose natural disaster is the next option - but something to destroy the entire world? Krakatoa? Eh.

Which brings me to the book I am currently reading, Solar. I cannot take this book seriously. I think it is meant to be a satire, but I mean to me it's just a giant farcical mess. For one thing, the protagonist Michael Beard reminds me so much of my first boss, it's absurd. He was also named Michael, English and had an obsession with crisps. Not to mention pompous, narcissistic and that, for some reason, he thought he was god's gift to women despite the fact that he was balding and overweight. The only difference is that Beard is a Nobel Laureate wheras Michael just suffered from displaced delusions of grandeur. Secondly, Beard has such a contemptuous attitude towards the Social Sciences and, as he is a theoretical physicist, all I can hear in my head the entire time is Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory going "The social sciences are largely hokum." However, the thing that really pushed me over the edge came on page 148 with the line -
'The planet,' he said, surprising himself, 'is sick.'
Harold Saxon promptly popped up in a thought bubble above my head to chime in with, "What this country needs, is a Doctor." I just cracked up laughing, I couldn't help myself. There is absolutely no possible way for me to take this text seriously now. None. The Master is trying to sell us solar energy, what am I to do with this?

Other than that, I've been languishing about procrastinating when I haven't been gigging. You know what annoys me at gigs? People who talk during sets. Brand New is a quiet band (by quiet I mean introspective and melancholy, they are more than capable of putting up a wall of noise a lot of the time) compared to many others, but I think they create an amazing intensity that is just so easy to get lost in. I find it so grating when people stand around chatting as if they're in Starbucks. Why bother coming to the gig? Surely they know this is the kind of music the band plays, so they can't possibly be bored, therefore I can only conclude that they are idiots. Sigh. I've got Gogol Bordello on Wednesday (or Tuesday, but I think it's Wednesday) so suffice it to say my credit card hates me right now. My sanity on the other hand remains in tact. I think the latter outweighs the former.

April is looming, the month of fandom extravagance. I saw the clips released from the new Who season, and I think the term I'm looking for is 'eager anticipation.' Eep!

Anyway, I best not ramble, I have eleven more things on my to-do list that has to be done now as tomorrow is already frantic - it includes a meeting at uni straight after work and dinner with Em.

Remember kids, sleep is for the weak.

Music: Daniel - Bat For Lashes
Mood: Thirsty

Ropes have been unbound

> Day 23: A Youtube Video



Simon's cat often reminds me of Oreo - who can be very cat-like for a dog. Especially the one where the cat tries to wake him up *shakes head*

Music: Howl - Florence + The Machine
Mood: Sore

Do you carry it around just to burn things to the ground?

> Day 22: A website

This is a bit all-encompassing isn't it? Ok let's say io9 because I've been spending a lot of time out there and they do have some interesting things between the geekiness.



Music: Archers - Brand New
Mood: Been better

Do you believe in anything?

> Day 21: A recipe

My idea of cooking involves following the instructions on the back of sauce bottles or making some tooth-achingly sweet desserts of various description. So here's a recipe for Banoffee pie which I quite enjoy making (and devouring) -

Base:
115g butter
250g biscuits
½ cup coconut

Ingredients:
400g can of caramel
2 large bananas (460g)
300ml thickened cream

Method:
1. Crush biscuits in food processor and transfer to large bowl - crush any large pieces that rise to the top.
2. Mix in half of the coconut.
3. Melt butter and mix with the biscuits until all crumbs are coated
4. Press the mixture into the base and sides of a loose-bottomed cake tin. You can refrigerate it if you like to help it set, but I am far too impatient and usually just pop it in when it's all done.
5. Whip cream thickly
6. When the base has set, pour caramel over the base, spreading evenly
7. Thinly slice the bananas and spread over the caramel
8. Pipe the whipped cream over the bananas
9. Garnish by sprinkling the remaining coconut over the cream, and dusting with chocolate shavings/powder.
10. Refrigerate for about an hour, hour and a half

Serving suggestion: drizzle with strawberry ice-cream topping and serve with scoop of ice-cream.

So, so easy to make.



Music: Archers - Brand New
Mood: Morose

It goes on and on until we disappear

> Day 20: A hobby of yours

Oh wow, I go through so many phases with these. My mild OCD means I throw myself into things with a holy fervour and then promptly abandon them some months after. Bizarre. I've painted, tried my hand at drawing (though I consider this more self-flagellation than anything else), I've tried collecting various things, I love astronomy, chess, photography...and I also count my current obsession with sci-fi as a hobby. It is, after all, "an activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure or relaxation, often in one's spare time." Onwards.

Music: Play crack the sky - Brand New
Mood: Still have this damned headache

Oh, before I forget

> Day 19: A talent of yours

This is going to sound very emo, but I don't mean it in a self-pitying way, I just don't think I actually have a talent. Unless being able to quote things from film and television, or memorise song lyrics, count as a talent *shrugs*

Music: Hate everyone - Say Anything
Mood: Hungry

Do, or do not, there is no try.

I often wonder how people manage to overcomplicate the most simple things. I don't get it.

It took every ounce of self-control I possessed to drag myself to class last night and I did it mainly because he said we'd be talking about the assignments. Once there, we talked about the epic failure of the books we selected and Martin was particularly amused by Cormac McCarthy's The Road. This did not go down well with one girl who clearly loved it, and so they spent about 80% of the class discussing it. I can't help but feel that this girl is missing the point a lot of the time. For example she flounced into class and scoffed disdainfully "Can someone tell me why we're reading about World War 2?" See, it's not about the actual content of our weekly readings, but rather the style in which the writers approach their subject - we're supposed to be doing meta-criticism, not focusing on the content of the article. So her making fun of the pointlessness of our subscribed reading only highlighted a failure to understand the fundamental basics of the class to me.

I know I sound bitchy, but seriously, someone is entitled to make fun of 'The Road' and you are entitled to like it. We don't have to get uber defensive about it and eat up half of class time.

My usual seat had been taken so I sat on the opposite side of the room and the vibe was so much nicer with the people there, we were all laughing and they'd let me discuss District 9 and Zombieland in the break. I'm sneakily trying to get one of those to be our film text, but Martin isn't going for it. A shame really, I think sci-fi often does a much better job addressing the problems and current concerns of a society than other genres, even if it is set in a world that isn't entirely real. It may not be factual reality, but it's truthful reality. Also, I think it's a bit unfair that there seems to be an idea that you cannot critique a television show the way you would a film or novel. Surely, a show that has completed its arc is open to interpretation and critique the same way the other mediums are. I'll prove it by writing a comparative critical essay of The Road and the television show Jericho. Even if this means I have to actually read 'The Road' - I don't want to, the film was depressing enough. After all, if I could write a comparative essay of Anna Karenina and Wuthering Heights, I can do this.

So that's one part of the assignment out of the way.

I submit my first assignment for narrative writing today, so I feel everything is going rather well now that the writer's block seems to have dissipated. I just have to clear the last few cobwebs from my mind, but overall I'm quite happy with the pieces. They're both quite creepy and sort of gothic which I've never submitted before for fear of being boxed as a genre writer, but it is what worked at the moment so *shrugs* And I must just give huge thanks to Abs for helping me get there in the end. Still, I feel quite confident in my pursuit of the elusive HD average.

Oh yeah, to my endless amusement, J has found an academic symposium on Torchwood that he suggested I write a paper for. And why not. Well, I have to submit the abstract first, but still. Hilarious. And a bit annoying. There was a total niche there for a doctorate.

Anyway, better go get my lunch/dinner sorted and head off. I'll leave you with these images to remind you we're hurtling through space - or it's hurtling around us - whatever:







From the 'Star trails' photo pool on Flickr

Music: Hate everyone - Say Anything
Mood: Busy

I realised I hadn't gone anywhere

> Day 18: Whatever tickles your fancy

Common Sense: What are you doing?
Me: I'm playing Bejeweled.
CS: You're supposed to be re-writing your short pieces.
Me: Later.
CS: It's almost midnight.
Me: Just one more game.
CS: That's what you said an hour ago.
Me: Give me a break, I just survived a three hour class of which 80% consisted of one particularly contrary girl trying to convince the lecturer that 'The Road' was a serious piece of literature and not something he should be making fun of the way he was.
CS: So 80% required no participation from you.
Me: She was one of those who takes everything personally. My rolling eyes were participating.
CS: You should have used that time to re-write these creative pieces.
Me: Hmrgh
CS: Have you finished the game yet?
Me: Um...not...yet.
CS: You're a lying liar that lies.
Me: Sticks and stones...
CS: You haven't even done your readings yet!
Me: Will you relax? I have the whole morning.
CS: How can you act like this? It sickens me.
Me: I am meditating and am immune to your pettiness.
CS: You're not meditating! You're matching little virtual gems!
Me: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
CS: I - wha - you - why do I bother?
Me: Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety nine bottles of beeeeer -
CS: Fine, ignore me, but don't come crying to me in the morning.
Me: You take one down and pass it around, ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall.
CS: Whatever. Have some more coffee. I'll see you in a couple of hours when you're lamenting how late it is and how little you have yet again gotten done.
Me: Ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall, ninety eight bottles of beeeeer - oh hey, new record! Bet I can beat it though.
CS: *headdesk*

Music: Couches in alleyways - Styrofoam feat Ben Gibbard
Mood: Tired