Monday, February 8, 2010

Please excuse my emo ramblings

I hate this country. I'm sorry, but it has to be said. Every moment I spend here is greatly detrimental to my will to live. How I am going to survive another five days is beyond me. Five days, only five days until I am back on a plane on my way back home. Where I belong. It's almost nine here now, so let's see that 's approximately 124 hours until departure. Maybe I should start crossing it off...

I honestly thought this time would be better. We're only visiting my mum's family and it's usually my dad's that drive me completely insane, but it appears that it doesn't matter where I go, I feel suffocated beyond belief. And it's just so awkward and depressing, I don't even know. More kids come through my grandmother's house than could be believed, yesterday I spent virtually the entire day being shadowed by my cousin's three year old. There was a brief break where we went to get some groceries and I am sorry, but I am too young to spend the day with a kid on my hip. Kids are hard work. Her seven year old brother came along the afternoon, but he seems to favour my mother. We had a lunch with majority of the family swinging by and while I love my family, I so desperately just want to come home. My youngest cousin is a royal pain in the ass (she's 12), my grandfather has become belligerent in his old age, I spend most of the time making awkward small talk with everyone else, and arguing with my only male cousin about music and him being an arrogant jerk. Although he only showed up for an hour or so last night, it's the only time I felt even vaguely enthused about anything, because yes, he is an arrogant jerk, but he's a well-travelled arrogant jerk who actually knows exactly where I am coming from and can even vaguely offer me a sense of normality in the twilight zone that is this place. Then there's my cousin and her fiance, both are my age, but I just don't know what to say to them. We used to be incredibly close when we were younger, we virtually grew up together, but I just don't know how to connect to anything here. I just want to go home! *weeps*

It's the fact that I'm stuck in this house, completely at the whims of my family who want to do nothing except sit around and reminisce. Even when we do venture outside, everyone runs on "Africa Time" and it's all I can do not to bash my head against the nearest hard surface. Like yesterday when mum and I were trying to buy a data card for her modem and we were just blankly stared at and were told that it would take four hours to activate, we should rather come tomorrow *headdesk* It took us two hours to get back from the airport because of roadworks on virtually every major road in preparation for the soccer world cup. It's the clausterphobia of not being able to go anywhere by myself, or even when we do get out, there's nothing to do. I don't know how they live here, how they are content to live here. I just want to run away and never look back.

I can't believe I've only been here one full day, it feels so much longer.

I don't mean to be such a negative whinger, but it's just really hard for me to stay positive here. The flight over was beautiful however, the guy next to me slept most of the time and there were so many films I wanted to watch. Unfortunately the system was experiencing some technical difficulties and would sometimes just freeze up while you're waiting for a movie to start. I managed to get in a bit of a nap as well, so can't really complain there. even if they did try to feed me a king prawn salad as a dinner starter - I tried it, in typical 2010 style and um, yeah, no.

Ah crap, they're looking for me. I am writing this hiding in the bedroom. At least my grandparents have halfway decent internet, no more dial-up which is a definite improvement from last time. Still, no wireless, so I have to make an appearance in the living room to publish. Best bite the bullet then and get on with it I suppose...

Music: Waterloo - ABBA
Mood: Emo


  1. Massive and epic hugs dude. I can understand how painful it is. I feel extremely uncomfortable in family get togethers and that's when I'm still in the country so I can imagine.

    Just think you'll be home soon!!! Yay!!!

  2. Had no idea you were even in SA!
    I do hope things get better for you. See you when you get back hopefully and we'll go and catch The Wolfman. That's gotta be something to look forward to!

  3. I completely sympathise. You know I do... all I can say is vasbyt and drink more!

  4. Thanks guysssss. I appreciate the support. It's gotten better since we've had homework to do, random as that sounds. Gives me something to focus on!