Everybody wants to rule the world

Not quite a return to my top 10 list-making, but here are 5 ‘bad guys’ I shouldn’t love, but do anyway. And hey, t’is a far better way to spend a Monday morning than the alternative. Come along, my loves, let’s take over the world!

• The Master

John Simm’s version, naturally. With the smart suit, and the dancing, and event-appropriate music choices, what’s not to love here? So he’s a little unhinged, it’s still good! Even when he rises Voldemort-esque from the void and impersonates Iron Man in a dodgy track suit, I still find his craziness rather endearing. Forget that Lucy woman, let’s watch the world burn (I am terrible person, aren’t I?)

The Master approves of my destructive tendencies.

• Loki

Oh, Loki. You just want to be loved, don’t you? With that burly older brother always stealing the spotlight and acting like he’s the greatest thing ever, when everyone knows brains > muscle. But don’t worry, not everyone is totally blinded by Thor’s abs, I know you’re the interesting one. You might have to work on your mythical penchant for shapeshifting, but I’m not here to judge! Hey, you know what, he’s the Scar of Asgard. And say what you will, life would certainly never be boring.

That's right, I'm talking about you.

Trust me, brother. Mwhahaha. Oh wait, I’m not cackling out loud again, am I?

Aaaand the promo poster because that smirk is just…unfh.

• Ozymandias

But only in the movie! Not in the graphic novel. He’s a totally annoying prat in that. In the movie, I find his lofty ideals sort of intoxicating, and considering what a woeful state the rest of the world’s in, who can blame him for wanting to take over? Plus he’s very pretty here, without being too terrifyingly Aryan. Also he bio-engineers his own weird pets. That’s a pretty good rainy-day pastime. (I don’t care what anyone says, Matthew Goode, you single-handedly redeemed this thing for me. Who are you calling shallow? Stop it. I do what I want, Thor!)

Yeah. Ozymandias is unimpressed with my reasoning. As he is with everything else.

Also, what is it with supervillains and the colour purple?

• The Phantom of the Opera

While he’s not evil in a hell-bent-on-world-domination way, he's still kind of a 'bad guy.' Some people (ie my mother) think the Phantom is a creepy murderer. So he hangs the odd stage hand from the rafters, does that mean he doesn’t deserve affection? Stage hands can be annoying okay, and they were totally disrespecting his genius. I am a firm champion of the Phantom’s cause – so much so that I harbour a strong dislike for Raoul. He totally ruins everything! And alright, sure, maybe the Phantom comes on a little strong with the whole wedding-dress-in-the-lair thing, but please. The dude has no social skills at all, give him a break! 

Oh forget her, Erik. She doesn’t understand your tortured genius.

Quite a sharp dresser too.

• Magneto/Erik Lensherr etc etc (too many names)

Let's face it, humans suck. They routinely do horrible things to each other. Can you blame mutants for thinking it might be better if we weren’t around? Especially mutants who have suffered first hand the cruelty we inflict upon each other? Come on, you can totally understand where he’s coming from. Ugh and to think it could so easily have been different – if Charles was just a little less self-assured, and Erik just a little less unyielding, it could have gone the other way and he wouldn’t even be on this list. But here we are. Not that I’m naive enough like Mystique to think I can come between Magneto and his totally made for each other ex-BFF. And yes, this choice has everything to do with the brilliant acting skills of Sir Ian McKellen and the fantastic Mr Fassbender. It doesn’t hurt that the latter also looks great in a turtleneck. Not at all.

Somehow I don’t look as ridiculous in my
supervillain get-up as my younger self…

…but he makes up for it in other ways.

Oh yes, he does.

And now I kind of want a comic strip with this lot trying to take over the world in an Evil League of Evil/ Pinky and the Brain kind of way. I don’t think they’d play well together. It’d be hilarious. To the Villain mobile!

Anyway! Happy Monday.

PS. I still don't understand why we're not friends, McAvoy. Life is cruel.

Music: Here in your arms - Hellogoodbye