Right in front of us

Today, I am 23 years old. Imagine that. I've polled my friends and apparently it is still too early for a mid-life crisis, so I'll put that off for another couple of years. All in all, it's been a fabulous weekend. I feel very loved and grateful for everyone in my life - general good vibes for all!

Things kicked off on Friday night with Em. Dinner in Newtown followed by dessert at what has officially become my favourite cafe, and then on to the Factory for Cute is what we aim for. We wasted as much time as we could hoping to miss the opening bands, but this didn't quite work out and we still had to sit through two of them. Not that opening bands are terrible things to be avoided just...well, we're jaded, what can we say. We were both very taken aback by the age of the audience - on average they appeared to be about fourteen - and spent much time reminiscing about days when we were still that naive/excitable/embarrassing. Maybe not doing as much reminiscing as lamenting. Cute had undergone complete line-up changes in the five years since we'd first gotten into them, so we actually had no idea what the current band looked like and that in itself led to some amusement. It is fair to say neither of us had very high expectations, and it is also fair to say we were both very pleasantly surprised. It really was a wonderfully fun show, comprising of mostly first album songs we had been dying to hear. Shaant was channeling Tyson Ritter in his performance and he was completely manic captivating. I still cannot believe how blue his eyes are. Jaw on floor. I have no idea who the rest of the band are, but they are all very good and the bass player is all sorts of adorable. As bass players inevitably seem to be. So yes, it may have been five years late, but it was a fun gig and well worth the wait.

[from here]

I gathered the willing on Saturday morning for a road trip up the coast. Arguing with the GPS aside - "it's the scenic route!" - we arrived at a sunny, tranquil, very windy Palm Beach just in time for lunch. What followed was a lazy afternoon of sitting about, laughing (a lot), playing cards and taking far, far, faaaar too many photos. Memorable quotes include:

"I don't know what I use, I just walk in and some gay guy tells me to try this make-up and I say ok."
"I'm full." (Randomly interjected by Em as Roze and I were mid friendly disagreement)
"We have achieved our goals!"
"I'm so wise."
"It's a heli that copters!"

Hmm. These were all much funnier at the time. Anyway, following the blissful madness, we packed up and headed back to mine where we consumed yet more junk food (namely pringles and chocolate) and watched Beauty & the Beast. As you do.





It was so much fun. I'm glad that after years of wanting to do so, we finally managed to get to Palm Beach.

As for my actual birthday, it has been very mellow and spent in the company of the parentals. We had a lovely brunch, and then mum and I spent much of the day shopping. I'm not one to make a big fuss over my birthday, and honestly, when I have these gorgeous laid-back weekends, I don't see why I should. It's much more me, isn't it?

Once again, big thanks to everyone for all the kind messages. Now time for some more writing!

Music: Existentialism on prom night - Straylight Run
Mood: Happy

Done with what we've lost

When the sun came up,
We were sleeping in.
Sunk inside our blankets,
Sprawled across the bed.
And we...were dreaming.

There are moments when,
When I know it ends.
The world revolves around us,
And we're keeping it,
Keep it all going,
This delicate balance,
Vulnerable, all knowing.

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit, just a little bit,
You would. 

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate.
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything.

Music: Existentialism on prom night - Straylight Run
Mood: Pensive

A still verdictless life

I am really epically frustrated with myself today. With my job, my attitude, my lack of preservation, my inability to do anything properly. And then I get mad at myself for being frustrated. Oh, how I amuse myself.

So what, so I've got a smile on
It's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me, don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
that's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
still 'Everything happens for a reason'
is no reason not to ask myself

If you’re living it right

Music: Why Georgia - John Mayer
Mood: Frustrated

Standing in the back

Today was mainly soundtracked by the following songs...









Zombie Tuesday out.

Music: A Praise Chorus - Jimmy Eat World
Mood: Creative

Statues at the gate

I am having serious productivity issues. In the sense that I'm not doing much at work. Don't know why, it's not a lack of things to do, I just...can't be bothered, I suppose. Sigh. Which is why I'm sitting here on a Monday night trying to write profiles, since it's just not happening while I'm actually within work hours. Oh self, you are so frustrating sometimes.

On that note, I think I'm going to let nano go quietly into the night. I'm never going to make it without pulling some serious big numbers, and I've got tons of other stuff to write. I don't like giving up, but the last month has been pretty crazy and other stuff's been happening...look, I'm trying not to feel too horrible about it.

In other news, I have just been informed that we are going to New Zealand. Woo! My not-so-subtle suggestions have paid off. As much as going on holiday with the 'rents can be a bit of an ordeal, with much swearing that it's the last time without fail at least once, I was angling for this trip because I wanted to go before I headed to the UK and with saving for that, I can't afford a self-funded trip. Luckily, the parentals have wanted to go for a while and it all works out quite nicely now. It's a bit sentimental too I suppose, last serious quality time before I abandon them. But yay! New Zealand! I am going to Lord of the Rings fangirl all over the place. Including doing this. The aim is to fly into Christchurch, head to Queenstown and then make the journey up to Auckland. Well, that's the tentative plan at the moment. Bit ambitious for two weeks if you ask me, but we'll see. So yes, that'll be end of April. Come here travel, let me hug you.




Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that I am not there
I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised

Music: Bruised - Jack's Mannequin
Mood: Working

Go get your rope

It's aliiiiiiive!

Barely but just. Uni is done for the semester. Dead and defeated. Essays went in two days after I intended, but they went in. Won't get penalised for it, so who cares. I'm not entirely convinced of their quality, but then again I never am. I had a whole slew of others I was going to write for submissions and stuff, been to knackered to get round to them.

Tired is my default state these days. Last two weeks I've barely slept more than five hours a night. Not entirely unworkable, but it starts to show after a while. I've been wholly unproductive at work, a problem since there is just so much to do.

Guess I've been preoccupied.

Saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with L on Friday - my heart, my heart, and other cries of woe. This is it, you know, my childhood is officially ending. I still don't know how anyone who hasn't read the books has any idea what's going on though. Yesterday, I caught up with a uni friend to see Red. It was quite enjoyable, but I was just pleased to find Karl Urban starring in it. Wearing a suit no less. He completely won me over at Supanova last year, such a nice guy.

Spent the evening at R's in excellent company, playing poker for genres and devouring too many m&ms. I won the first round so I didn't feel too guilty eating my 'chips'. Unsurprisingly, it rapidly descended into chaos, and by midnight we were nursing snap related injuries. I'm bleeding! Look at my hand! Your nail stabbed me! It's your ring!  So we've learnt that we can get quite viscous when it comes to snap, and really we are still 12 on the inside. Cards everywhere!

Admittedly, I don't think I was the best of company. Bit tired, bit out of it, bit grumpy. I was running late for everything, which didn't really help matters much. And I had three venti quadruple shot lattes and no food till 8pm, so maybe not surprising that I was weird and twitchy.

I had big plans of catching up on all that missed sleep today but my brain had other ideas. I haven't slept that badly in weeks. Will try to put a dent in my nano total today as I realised I essentially have 10 days to write 48 000 words. Suspect it's a bit of a lost cause. Wait and see I suppose.

Even if I lay my head down at night
After a day I got perfectly right
You won't know

Music: You won't know - Brand New
Mood: Blah

Cut and run

'How would you like to get the hell out of here? Here's my idea. I know this guy down in Greenwich Village that we can borrow his cab for a couple of weeks, He used to go to the same school I did and he still owes me ten bucks. What we could do is, tomorrow morning we could drive up to Massachusetts and Vermont, and all around there, see. It's beautiful as hell up there. It really is.' I was getting excited as hell, the more I thought about it, and I sort of reached over and took old Sally's goddam hand. What a goddam fool I was. 'No kidding,' I said, 'I have about a hundred and eighy bucks in the bank. I can take it out when it opens in the morning, and then I could go down and get this guy's car. No kidding. We'll stay in these cabin camps and stuff like that till the dough runs out. Then, when the dough runs out, I could get a job somewhere and we could live somewhere with a brook and all and, later on, we could get married or something. I could chop all our own wood in the wintertime and all. Honest to God, we could have a terrific time! Wuddaya say? C'mon! Wuddaya say? Will you do it with me? Please!'
'You can't just do something like that,' old Sally said. She sounded sore as hell.
'Why not? Why the hell not?'

Oh Holden, how often I ask myself that question. Surely everyone wants to run away sometimes, just drop everything and go. Even if just for a little while. No apologies, no regrets.

Music: Creaking trees
Mood: Restless

Tell me what you find

Sun sleepy and tired out. Lovely weekend catching up with friends, categorically not doing uni work. Technically it's all due tomorrow, obviously not done. Such is life. Don't feel like fighting things today.

Mary, this station is playing every sad song.
I remember like we were alive.
I heard and sung them all from inside of these walls.
In a prison cell, where we spent those nights.
And they burnt up the diner where I always used to find her.
Licking young boys blood from her claws.
And I learned about the blues from this kitten I knew.
Her hair was raven and her heart was like a tomb.
My heart's like a wound.

I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my first wife.
Everybody leaves and I'd expect as much from you.
I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my old life.
Everybody leaves, so why, why wouldn't you?

Mary, I worried and stalled every night of my life.
Better safe than making the party.
And I never had a good time, I sat about my bedside, with papers and poetry about Estella.
With great expectations, we had the greatest expectations.

I've said this before on twitter, but TGA make me nostalgic for...something, something undefinable. Bygone eras and moments that can never be reclaimed.

I think if I could live in any fictional place, I'd choose Lothlorien.

Music: Great Expectations - The Gaslight Anthem
Mood: Sleepy

Stay awhile and then you'll see

This is what a dog midway through a thunderstorm related meltdown looks like. Suffice it to say it makes typing quite a challenge. I need my arms! Is this a valid excuse for not handing in an assignment?

Music: Unwell - Matchbox 20
Mood: Writing. Trying to. Still.

Chasing the light

Come July, we'll ride the Ferris Wheel, go round and round and round.
And if you never let me go, well I will never let you down.

But you know the summer always brought it, that wild and reckless breeze.
And in the backseats, we're just trying to find some room for our knees.



Photo from here



Music: The backseat - The Gaslight Anthem
Mood: Exhausted